I make plans, they get squashed.

A quickie to say that I’ve made plans with 3 lovers not The Neighbor next week in order to put some much needed distance between the two of us and guess what happens?

After fucking me utterly senseless last night he tells me he can’t have sex with someone unless he “really likes” them — or maybe he just said “likes,” but still, my point is: what the fuck??

I make a decision to move forward and the tractor beam of possible mutual emotional involvement sucks me back in. It’s like he knew I was going to move away.

Do I keep my dates (with Jason, Kevin, and Tuesday)?

Also, I’m obviously terrible at breaking up with people because I promised myself I was finished with Jason, but I couldn’t resist the urge of an easy fuck to wash away my feelings for TN.

Being a libertine is never dull, I’ll tell you that. Slightly complicated, but never dull.

Ok, back to your regularly scheduled day and I’m off to start mine in the pre-dawn light.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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11 thoughts on “I make plans, they get squashed.
  1. Baby I so feel you right now. Are you the only one who didn’t see that coming? Desire is an overwhelming emotion and not a good barometer for decision making. Me I’m rooting for the TN. He just needs time to admit to himself what a great catch you are. Plus you’ve got mad skills honey, mad.

    Cruel

    1. Angry? Haha I wish I could say that was true and thus keep your support, but the truth is I felt defeated. Here I was, moving on, getting back to Libertine Hy, and he reels me back in to where I second guess myself because he admits to “really liking” me.

      It boils down to this: I’m afraid my promiscuity will somehow cause me to lose him.

  2. I would keep the dates with Kevin and Tuesday but if you are not interested in Jason then don’t see him. Obviously, fucking Jason isn’t going to impact your feelings for TN so that reasoning is faulty. You can get better at breaking up with people, start now with him. TN may have said he likes you but he is still going out with other women. You could end up making him reevaluate his casual relationship with you if he sees that he has competition. Plus, you risk coming off as clingy and needy if you just sit around waiting for him to decide he can fit you into his schedule. The message you are sending to him, and yourself, is that if he doesn’t want to be with you, that’s fine because there are plenty of other men who do. Also, you are not required to be promiscuous. Maybe you should keep your pants on and get to know Kevin and Tuesday better before you sleep with them. I’m thinking about how you can start liking yourself more and feel worthy. If you jump into bed right away you may be feeding into your bad self image that you don’t have anything more than sex to offer.

  3. To me it sounds like he “smells” you moving away, and now throws in some bait because he’s afraid he might lose you.
    Whether he wants you to stay close because he REALLY likes you (or loves you), or whether it’s because of sexual desire, I am sure he doesn’t even know himself. And as long as you’re always ready to jump back to him, he won’t have to find out either….

    When you feel yourself worthy of being loved and won’t settle for anything else, and don’t need him anymore for the feelings you don’t have for yourself, you might be able to get a clear picture about him and you, and whether you should stick with him.

    (this coming out of the mouth of someone who is utterly lost when it comes to her lover, sometimes despite better knowledge).

    1. Generally speaking he knows I sleep with other men. He knows it’s been slow for me lately, though, but he also knows I recently went out with Tuesday. So this whole thing was about my thoughts about him and me and everything else and the irony. Oh, the irony of deciding to get the shit fucked out of me next week by others and then he says something that makes me stumble and question the decision.

      And I agree with all your words. Thanks for your $.02! xx

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