It probably comes as no surprise to you that a well-written (and read) man is a major turn on — the use of a semi-colon sends me over the edge — so it’s always a great source of amusement for me when I get emails that sound like the sender is trapped under a tractor, has only 5 minutes to live, 3 fingers with which to send his last message, and 30 seconds to do so.
Or maybe he’s jerking off so hard at the most beautiful photos in the whole goddamned world that he can’t think straight or slowly enough to put a real thought and sentence together.
On Tuesday of last week I jumped back on AFF. After my horrible date with Mitchell on Saturday and the upheaval I felt with The Neighbor throughout the week I wanted to peel away all the artifice: I’m looking to get fucked by someone. Bonus points for him being interesting, intelligent, and engaging, but for right now, I want to fuck away some of my free time. I’m a goddamned libertine, after all, remember?
And AFF is good. It’s good because everyone just presents that secret part of themselves that they otherwise have to weave into a casual encounter with someone from OKCupid, for example, or over the produce section (I’m thinking of you, Bi). On this site I can say that I’m not interested in average sized cocks and no one is going to crucify me for it. I can also admit to having a high libido and being mildly kinky and I will attract those men who like it. It’s an automatic opt-in scenario and I don’t have to waste any time in opting them out. Or getting date raped.
But (and there’s a big but), the caliber of people is, well, different. I don’t know if being more open sexually and trolling for hook-ups necessarily injures one’s level of competency, but I swear to God, it sure seems like it.
Where are all the people like my blogging friends and readers?? The sexy, highly literate, intelligent, and thoughtful sexual beings looking to get railed? Are they just not existent on the internet? Am I the only one braving the ridiculous half-sentences and hideous pics just to find a diamond in the rough?
I think they’re hiding behind eatpussy4hrs or bignhardcummer.
However, I have culled a few from the herd. I have a date or two lined up for next week. Feels good to be back in the saddle, y’all.
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xxxxxxx 36 year old Man  |
xx
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| May 20, 2012 6:34 PM CDT | |||||
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Fuck ur so hot wish u were closer I’d have u ride my face till u came over and over
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xxxxxx 41 year old Man |
xx
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| May 20, 2012 5:08 PM CDT | |||||
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Im kelly! Well u definetely have some nice boobs! Wanna see the rest! U wanna text?
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xxxxxx 32 year old Man |
xx
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| May 20, 2012 5:07 PM CDT | |||||
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Whats up hru cutie.
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xxxxxx 46 year old Man |
xxxxx
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| May 20, 2012 4:45 PM CDT | |||||
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You have a beautiful body . Hope to see more . Your favorite fireman
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xxxxxx 19 year old Man |
xx
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| May 20, 2012 4:31 PM CDT | |||||
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Lets fuck mami
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| 11 |
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xxxxxx 45 year old Man |
xx | ||
| May 20, 2012 8:27 AM CDT | |||||
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I liked what I saw in your profile, and I would appreciate if you responded to this message. An expression of your interest in sharing ideas and common interests with me would be greatly appreciated.
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| 15 |
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xxxxx 46 year old Man |
xx | ||
| May 19, 2012 11:05 AM CDT | |||||
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Have to say, I enjoyed you sexy pictures. You look delicious to kiss all over. Whis i had an 8″ incher..but how about a 7″ and i luv to lick a juicy kitty. LOL
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Oh. My. Gosh. I had no idea. Really…. That’s what it’s like??????
-eyes round in horror,
Marian (AKA: Noodle)
Yup.
(You’ll always be Noodle to me.)
I found you first paragraph hi-sterical! And Lo and I agree – poor grammar, immediate disqualification.
HH
Hahaha! Don’t you mean HY-larious?
I’m trying to recreate in spelling the way Lo says it – heavy accent on the first syllable. But, I like your attention to detail! ;-)
Oh, I totally got it! I say it like that, too, sometimes! xx
I think you are getting the right idea to go out n the prowl again. I truly wish you good luck. BTW … I’m an expert on the proper usage of the gerund. ;-)
Mike
Ha! I don’t even know what the fuck a gerund is! And I also don’t claim to be perfect at my grammar. I just like it!
ahhh … so many things I’d like to teach you ;-)
Mike
a gerund is kinda the grammar t-v
Mike
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; and ;
lolololol
I so <3 you right now.
*sigh*
Shaking head and laughing … I’d at least contact #11 … LOL
Right? Lest he come and beat the shit out of me for my bad internet manners. haha Like I owe him something for sitting down, scanning naked pics, and then typing how I better email him back for 25 seconds?? HAHA
LOL!
Hahaha. Gosh. School them, Hy!
I’ll do my best ;)
A fellow sapiosexual……
Indeed!
LOL doesn’t make you sound cute as a guy, especially if you’re over 40. Who calls a woman mami? Lastly, if you’re going to send a message, you should probably spell out your words instead of speaking like a pre-teen with their first cell phone. *facepalm*
Totally! lol
I don’t think I’m suprised by the quality of messages. Disapointed (for you), but not suprised.
However, this does fill me with hope: if I ever relocate to Singlesville, I shall detour via AFF, with my punctuation at the ready, and a degree of confidence that attracting the attentions of an intelectual nymp, such as yourself, may not be so difficult.
(Hope your date goes well and you get a great fuck!)
Ha! You make an excellent point, my friend: if you do know how to communicate, you’re automatically ahead of the game.
You also have something else going for you that these other men do not: you also know how to take good pics!
I’m hoping you don’t have to dip your toe into the AFF pool, but if you do, you’ll do great, I’m sure.
xx
Hy
Oh, the horror. Good luck with the dates. <3
Thanks! I actually have 3 “oldies” earlier in the week: Ryan tonight, Kevin tomorrow, and TN Wednesday. I’m hoping I have it in me for a “newbie” by Thursday ;)
Poor grammar is a drawback to online dating but then again, it’s always nice to be back in the saddle! (straddle?)
Bisous!
This was sent to spam! >:(
Anyway, yes, that is the drawback, but at least there are lots of stallions to ride!
LOL!
Hy there is always a song that seems to say it better
Dam Baird ~ I love you period
Back when I was goin’ to school,
I never learned a thing
All I did was daydream,
a-waitin’ for the bell to ring
I had a certain teacher,
I always tried to impress her
When she stood up in the classroom,
I would mentally undress her
Then one day I decided,
that I would write a little letter
She said the spellin’ was a masterpiece,
the punctuation could be better
I understood what she was saying,
I got the gist of her sentiment
She said “I don’t mean to be degrading,
“but here’s the way that it should’ve went:”
Chorus) I love you period
Do you love me question mark
Please, please exclamation point
I want to hold you in parentheses
I love you period
Do you love me question mark
Please, please exclamation point
I want to hold you in parentheses
Right on up to high school,
people said I was a writin’ fool
All my letters became really great,
with punctuation that was never late
But I was havin’ trouble meetin’ girls,
I never knew the things to say
Soon I had ‘em all overwhelmed,
when they heard me talk this way, like this:
Chorus) I love you period
Do you love me question mark
Please, please exclamation point
I want to hold you in parentheses
I love you period
Do you love me question mark
Please, please exclamation point
I want to hold you in parentheses
Hy, good luck with AFF; women fare better there than us men. I believe the ratio is somewhere in the neighborhood of 16 men to 1 woman. Yes, even married I have a trolling profile there.
Thanks, Trip. I also don’t pay for it. I make a good profile and then just wait to see what happens since I can’t search or really contact anyone. I set up my profile on Wednesday (not Tuesday) afternoon and I’ve already gotten 2000 hits and 40 emails. In comparison, The Neighbor gets about 1 email a month and mostly from men (and he’s not into men and his profile is plastered with it). Having girl parts is definitely an advantage to finding sex.
“Where are all the people like my blogging friends and readers?? The sexy, highly literate, intelligent, and thoughtful sexual beings looking to get railed? Are they just not existent on the internet?”
No, it’s just that we all have tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny penises.
:)
hahahahahah
Free dating sites can be brutal. When I get a message like those I wonder if they’re jerking off to my picture. creeeeepy!
Most assuredly they are.
omg, Hy. I feel ya. The last message I got on AFF, from a guy I’ve never talked to, simply said “Wanna fuck?” with a cock shot.
Um…. Nope.
haha
well girl, i feel you on this one…i wonder where all the engaging, well-written sex blogger-types are on these sites, too…i am on a myriad of them (POF, OKCUPID, etc), but i find it taxing to find any decent tail that i don’t want to duct tape their mouth before i fuck them (although, hmmm, could be fun)…and it seems as if there is some weird mating ritual you have to do in order to actually hook up with any of them (see any of my blogs,lol)…
i haven’t done AFF or any of those type sites; i don’t know what it is, i just can’t muster the energy to try them…
but i have often said that i am a sapiosexual ( one who finds intelligence sexually attractive), yet tend to fuck the most common of men because they are the only ones trolling the fucking (err, i mean dating sites,lol)…
oh how i long for a well placed semi-colon like you, a message without a million spelling errors…where are the intelligent men who just want to get down and dirty?
(Just found this in my spam folder!)
Yes to all you’ve said!