I figured out how to buy a sports bra that fits.

My bust line is 44″. Forty-four motherfucking inches. On top of that my ribcage is huge; it’s a 36, but it’s also slightly concave as I’m sure you’ve noticed in my more revealing pics.

All this to say, I am large on top by mainstream standards. I wear a 36 DD bra and large, sometimes extra-large, shirts.

Thus, I’ve been buying XL sports bras so the cup will fully cover each breast.

The problem, however, is that if it fits the largeness requirement, it doesn’t fucking provide the proper support! There’s nothing more uncomfortable than large bags of flesh on your chest being tugged away from your body like hot gum from the pavement.

So in a moment of brilliance the other day, I bought two sports bras in a medium. It was as if the skies fucking parted.

The fabric, broad and soft, didn’t cut into me like I’d always expected, and the smaller size held me in like a warm, ace-bandage hug.

Oh, the bliss of my bountiful, bouncing boobies being blessedly bound to my bodacious body! Bliss, I tell you!

On a side note, I discovered today at softball practice that The Neighbor and 4 am girl are on some kind of Sunday Funday league thing together (this league stuff is how he met her 2 or 3 years ago).

I saw her stupid, $1500 mutt when I pulled up to the practice field where they were wrapping up their thing and my heart stopped for a second.

I know he’s lost all interest in her and only interacts with her for this team thing. I’m cool with it. As he once told me, “You won. You got me.” And it’s true. I don’t worry about losing him to someone anymore, least of all her. I’m a leaf in the wind, after all.

It still felt strange that he’s having anything to do with her, but, I guess, no stranger than finding out recently that two weeks after they broke up she called him from jail and he had to do one of those personal bond thingies to vouch for her dumb, drunk ass.

He’d said she’d wanted to keep it a secret and he’d honored that back then, but he no longer cares to keep her secret these days. I can respect that. I still can’t respect her or her $1500 mutt.

Anyway, lets talk about how awesome my new $10 Old Navy sports bras are!

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44 thoughts on “I figured out how to buy a sports bra that fits.

  1. DD boobs. I can’t imagine having boobs that big. I was granted Bs and that’s enough really. Besides, I think it all slid into my ass so it all evens out… Congrats on the bra. 🙂

    • CC, before my pregnancy I was a B, too!! I loved my boobs that size. No sagging, didn’t always need a bra. sigh Then, suddenly, I was enormous. I basically got an all natural, free boob job!

  2. Was reading and enjoying your post until I got to the picture and my eyes went wide open and my mind blank, my god they are gorgeous. Good on you… Ok need to re read yr post since I forgot… Probably will have to do this a few times since that photo is gonna come up again 😉

  3. I’m a little sorry Pisspants is out of the picture, considering how funny it is to hear your opinions about her. $1500 dog? If I’m not mistaken, the more money a person pays for a dog, the more inbred, stupid, and prone to problems they tend to be. And animals, often being reflections of their owners, well… You get my drift.
    Congrats on the bras, I’m psyched for you! Very exciting stuff. Because I get to see that picture. Awesome : )

    • And I wasn’t kidding about it being a mutt, either. It’s a Shepardoodle. Similar to those Labradoodles, but with a German Shepherd and a Poodle instead. She drove 1500 miles to get it, too. (Sorry to any of my readers who’ve purchased such a dog, but I’m passionate about adoption or rescue.)

      And I don’t know if she’s entirely out of the picture. TN went and joined his team after our practice for drinks. I assume she was there.

      Re: the bras, yes. It is very exciting stuff!

  4. If I’m understanding then, just because you are a large cup size, you don’t automatically go for the larger sportsbra size. Therefore a C cup could maybe need a small sports bra?

  5. As a large chested individual myself, I wish I had read this before I dropped $50 on a sports bra at Victoria’s Secret a few days ago. Curse you, tits! Why must you be so good and so bad at the same time?!

  6. I feel your pain like no other. I have to wear my normal bra and not one but TWO sports bras to contain the 40F chest I am the owner of when I venture out for anything more than a walk around the block..

  7. Thanks for sharing Hy, you know I appreciate those DD’s almost as much as I enjoy reading your work. If you ever need a second opinion on the fit and function…… just saying.

  8. I feel for you Hyacinth, I really do. I really hate it when a large-breasted woman is running or playing softball or something like that, and her tits are bouncing all over the place. I mean, seriously, who wants to look at that, all that bouncing and jiggling and swaying back and forth, that rhythmic motion when women walk. I hate being subjected to the hypnotizing swing of double Ds, finding my eyes, and head and soon my whole body moving in unison with them as a woman like you jogs by. Should be a law or something, saving us men from such visions. And the fact that your post caused nearly every female commenter to reveal her cup size to me and your other male readers, I’ll never forgive you for making that happen.

  9. I dated a chick a long time ago who had huge knockers, she doubled up the sport bras to help, but from your pic it looks like it worked.

  10. The last time I was a DD I was 15, literally. I stayed a DDD/EE until my second child at which point I ballooned into a JJ. Try keeping a straight face when the girl sizing you says , “OH MY ” a gazillion times. Yes I know they are mammoth, thank you once again for reminding me this pregnancy has turned me into a freak of nature. I am currently back to DDD/EE and the best part is I could never breastfeed.

  11. There are a number of different methods. Some methods add 4 or 5 inches to your rib cage measurement, others do not. Different methods work best for different body types. If you find that the method you used didn’t work, try others to get a more accurate result. Whichever method you use, remember that your result is just a starting point.

    XXX

  12. Oohh love the sports bra..and I would never have thought of going smaller but now that you said that I’m def going to give Old Navy a try..I have 38DD’s but…I also have a little more belly flesh than you :(. But I hate jiggling around when I’m working out so I’d rather have them bound up better. I might dislocate my shoulder trying to get out of it though 🙂

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