Fucking my neighbor has its drawbacks.

seeing his car

knowing what he’s doing

knowing what I’M doing

his age

the things he says – we’re going to be done in two months, he doesn’t want to date a mother, he doesn’t want stepkids, he wants bio kids, he’s always talking about meeting my young, single friends and about the hot chicks at the gym, at dinner he was constantly appraising other women when we were supposed to be just people watching, we’ve already “broken up”; he’s never gonna fuck me wo a condom, but now we are

sex is pretty much on his schedule and i’ve yet to get that power (i’d say “back,” but i’ve never really had it) – sorry mike

things to consider – proximity; how does this end smoothly?

he’s not perfect

::

I originally sketched out this draft April 17th, 2012.  That’s right TWELVE.  It’s hard to believe how much has changed in a year and a half.

Look at all we’ve done since then:

We survived 4 am girl.

We put on a show for Noodle.

We played with Jack and Emma.

He became submissive.

We went to a sex party.

We played softball together.

He was there for me.

He cuddles me every night of the week.

We continue to have out-of-this-world sexy time even after almost after 2 years together – a record for the both of us.

Not only that, but just a couple of nights ago he said he never wanted to have a baby of his own, that he’d just stick to helping to raise other people’s.  This kid has come a loooong way in the ways of things.

I don’t know if this is some kind of lesson in perseverance and stubbornness on my part (read: idiocy) or a tale that sometimes things do have sorta-happy endings —  like discovering Brussles sprouts really do taste good.

All I know is that my efforts to live in the moment have rendered a lot of pleasure in my life and earned me a devout supporter in all things, despite driving me up the wall with his foreign needs to be alone and separate and never admitting to how he feels about me.

I often ask myself if hearing “I love you,” is more important than the sum of everything else.  I’ve never felt more loved or supported than I do with The Neighbor.  Not in my marriage or any other major relationship and they all said those words to me.  But isn’t that what I’m supposed to get out of this??  Hearing him say I LOVE YOU, HY?

So, which is more important in a relationship?  Admitting the feelings or just feeling them??

That’s the million dollar question.

Who’s got the answer?

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

You Might Also Like

37 thoughts on “Fucking my neighbor has its drawbacks.
  1. Who’s got the answer?

    You don’t. I don’t. None of us do. There have been millions of “I love you’s” that ended in disaster, and I’m sure an equal number of silences that spoke more than those few words ever could.

    that sometimes things do have sorta-happy endings — kinda like discovering Brussles sprouts really do taste good. All I know is that my efforts to live in the moment

    Be cautious, Hy. You’ve mentioned ‘happy endings’ and living in the moment. It’s my thinking that those two concepts don’t peacefully coexist. If you’re looking toward some eventual ending (happy or otherwise), then you aren’t really living in the moment.

    Endings are rarely happy. The whole fairy tale usage is misleading. In fairy tales, a ‘happy ending’ means a happy ending to the story as the audience sees it, but a happy continuance for the characters involved.

    I often ask myself if hearing “I love you,” is more important than the sum of everything else.

    It depends. Is it more important? I don’t think so. But is it important to you? It seems so.

    Also, brussels sprouts are disgusting, but I still love you. :)

    1. Don’t worry, that’s why I said “sorta-happy endings”. I know this isn’t the end-end, except perhaps to the Will Hy and TN Ever Get Together? story. Because if we are “together” now (as it seems we are), then that story really is over. But you’re absolutely right, those two things don’t coexist together.

      As far as hearing I Love You goes, I obviously wrestle with it a lot. Some days it’s more important than others.

      Have you ever tried oven-roasted Brussels sprouts where the leaves get golden brown and crispy?? Mmm! So good! And I still love you, even though you hate ’em! Leaves more for me!

  2. I think you’ve answered your own question. Love is never having to say ‘I love you’. The problems come when one person wants to hear it, as well as feel it, and the other one doesn’t want it to say it. In which case both parties need to ask of themselves (as you’re doing) “why is that?”
    And Brussels sprouts really do taste good – if prepared properly. Most people over boil them, which makes them taste yucky.

  3. I have a big problem saying ‘I love you’ because I can’t bear to take it back and I equally can’t bear to wonder later, when it’s over, if I lied, if I was wrong.

    I have a (ridiculous?) notion that if I love someone, it should be forever. And if it’s not forever, it wasn’t love. It was something else. I put a heavy weight on it, and I do that all on my own. And in truth, I’ve managed to stay true to my word pretty much because the ones I have said it to are still in my life (if peripherally) and I love them still (differently, but it’s still there).

    So if someone who I am having a wonderful relationship with, who is my everything in those moments, who I adore and cherish, who I glory in and want to spend every moment with… if he is waiting for me to say it, he will probably be disappointed. And in truth, whether I say the words or not makes zero difference to anything. It doesn’t make the relationship last any longer, it doesn’t make feelings any stronger, it doesn’t act as a salve to hurt, it’s not a barrier to the ending, any of that.

    Feel loved if you feel loved. Enjoy it with everything you’ve got.

    I’m glad you are so happy.

    Ferns

    1. Wow, I wonder if this is a possibility for how TN may feel about things.

      I know that he is afraid of declaring us as “bf/gf” because if he does, he says, then it’s because he wants to be with me forever and it’s because of Peyton that it’s even an issue for him. He’s afraid of abandoning my baby later if things don’t work out between us.

      But all the other reasons you mentioned could be it, too.

      And I absolutely agree with you that hearing the words doesn’t affect the outcome — God knows I know that! It’s just that sometimes, I really need to hear it. I’m working on just feeling filled up with the feeling, though. It’s pretty amazing, after all, and I know I’m lucky. :). xx Hy

  4. I recommend living in the moment and worrying less about happy endings, as endings are rarely “happy.” Moving to a new level might be the next thing but you’ve already learned you can’t make that happen. If it’s going to happen, it will in its own good time.

    All this being said, I don’t have the answers either. Just enjoy what you have. ((HUGS))

    1. I wonder how many of us in this sex-blogging community of ours “live in the moment” compared to the general population, because I swear to God no one ever seems to. They all gun for the happy ending, it’s what we’re taught to do, after all.

      But you’re right about it and it’s what I’m aiming for!

      Thanks for the hugs!! ((HUGS))

      1. Before I became a sex-blogger, I never lived in the moment…I was always 10 steps ahead of the moment and worrying…I think D/s did more for me than give me a good sex life. :)

        But yes, I think the general population is much less introspective than the blogging community (regardless of genre) and therefore living in and for the moment is much less common…but that’s probably only one reason in a sea of a million reasons…

  5. So, you make lists like I do. :-)
    You should have seen my list I made about C.J. when I realize there was something more than just friendship. :-)
    As for the million dollar question… You are the only one that can truly answer that because IMHO that can only come from you and what you settle (compromise) for.
    Good luck.
    xoxox

    1. I guess I do! Ha! It’s just crazy to think how far we’ve come and it’s special that I literally have a record of it.

      And thanks! Most days I do have the answer :) xx Hy

      1. That is one of the reasons I keep a diary. (not my blog) of our relationship. Seeing the growth is amazing and heartwarming. :-)

        I know you do and it’s great to verbalize your thoughts (all of them) here as well.

        There are some great responses. :-)
        xoxox

  6. FWIW, I would rather ‘feel loved’ by someone’s actions than have to listen to some perfunctory ‘ Ilove you’ as a lip service that’s never backed it up with actions.

    BTW, love roasted Brussels sprouts. I like to toss in cubed chunks of sweet potatoes too, just cut em so they cook in about the same time as the sprouts.

  7. Now you are going to have to suffer through my Brussels sprouts story. Sorry, but you brought it up. Once, for many months I lived on only Brussels sprouts and potatoes. It’s all I could afford … 6d a lb, and 4d a lb. I had never eaten Brussels sprouts before. But damn, I really liked them. Hell, I came to love them. Every night. For dinner. Every. Fucking. Night. But I grew to look forward to them. To dive in to my plate of them. To marvel at the various shades of green they greeted me with. To submerge myself in the intensity of their flavor. I certainly never set out to become a Brussels sprouts fan, but I sure became one. Just maybe it was because I didn’t have a choice. In love you rarely do. Love those little cabbages or starve. Still to this day, many, many decades later I eat them with tender affection because attached to that flavor are very good memories. They may not say they love me, but I know they do. And vice versa.

    Mike

      1. And since Brussels sprouts are on topic, I fucking love them. Yes, the only way is drizzled on olive oil and generously salted, then roasted of course. Then how about a reduced balsamic/sugar glaze and dried cranberry garnish. Omg- pioneer woman recipe- so good!

  8. Isn’t there a saying that says something to the notion…”Actions speak louder than words? or Its not what you say, but what you do?” Nothing in life is guaranteed. Loving someone, as you two do, is the most priceless gift. It isn’t to say it isn’t without challenges. And it isn’t to say that it won’t hurt like a motherfucker, if it ends, or even during perhaps. Somehow, you have to find the grace and gratefulness in knowing what you know deep down in your heart. All you can do is show your own love to people. I understand how hard it is to accept, or how badly you want it said in return. The only line is what you draw. It is either too much for you to not hear it, or you have enough to keep going. There is no guarantee. It can slice your heart to pieces, I certainly know. My lover is gone now. It was as true as true, and I have to remember that, and somehow move on. I would take another moment with him in a second, to understand the depth of a person, even without the words.

  9. Hy,
    It appears you know in your heart that this relationship has an expiration date. But unless you’re willing to act now, you need to sit back and enjoy the ride – for as long as it lasts.
    Be well, Hy.
    The Hook.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


CommentLuv badge