I sound like I’m gloating.

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What I’m about to say may come as a surprise to you: Sometimes I get sick of myself.  I sound like I’m gloating.

Particularly when I look at my Chronology page.  Here I am writing about and documenting nearly every sexual encounter I’ve ever had over the past 3 years* and they’re all all, “Oh my god, it blew my mind!  I cried and he was huge and it was A.MAZ.ING!”

I cringe now at the long list, but when I started this blog I really just wanted a way to keep track of everyone I was screwing.  Now it just seems self-congratulatory.

But that list, and the content of this site, is deliberate.  First of all, it’s all true (yep, go ahead and hate), but second, I can’t write about anything else.  Not the other parts of my life or what else happens between The Neighbor and me because I’m trying to not to be the worst person in the world.

So, what does that leave me to write about?  Well, honestly, all the really great sex I’m having, and I suspect it’s similar for most sex bloggers out there.  Others wrote about this one-dimensionalness recently and it certainly resonated with me.

My new life since leaving my marriage has been documented from day 1 and I don’t want to give it up.  The Neighbor was just going to be another notch on my belt.  He wasn’t supposed to become a great love, but he has and here we are: he’s my main character in a really steamy romance about two semi-kinky people who can’t get enough.

I protect him and his anonymity by only writing about our sex.  Go ahead, lambast me for my contradictions and ongoing betrayal, but don’t worry, I’m my worst critic.  I’m president of the Hyacinth is a Deceitful Shit Club.

It just so happens the sex is pretty fucking good.  And I like writing about it.

That leads me to this: Does this ever get old for you?  Because it totally does for me.  Post after post saying basically the same thing: Hy got the bejeezus fucked outta her.  She’s in love.  She’s really happy.  Yay, her.  Blah blah blah.

Would it be better if I told you about how every once in a while I get bored with our equation of cuddles + erection + missionary + ankles on shoulders + orgasms + hitachi + more orgasms?

Well, it’s true.  Sometimes I do.

The point is, that even though I write about having a shit ton of really amazing sex I can still feel blasé about it, even a little bored.  I’m almost eager to tell you this because it makes me feel like less of a gloating asshole.

On the last occasion I was feeling antsy about our sex I mentioned it to him and we both laughed at my ridiculous critique.  “All I’m really saying is let’s do more and different positions like we used to!” I suggested.

His response was something along the lines of, “If it’s not broke don’t fix it!  But ok, we can mix it up!”  I was grateful he wasn’t taking it the wrong way and with a grain of salt.  He was sweet enough to take me seriously, but also laugh with me.  It’s highly likely I was also slightly hormonal and a little out of my mind.

Then, as if to prove a point, he took his erection, shoved it inside of me with him on top, brought me to the point of boiling over, hoisted my legs up and hitched my ankles on his shoulders and brought me to a couple of swirling orgasms before he then lay on his side, still buried in me, and handed me my Hitachi for a couple more orgasms.

His winning remark when we were done? “Now is that really all that bad??”

I laughed and shook my head, but said, “Yes, yes it was!” instead.

The next night he did me doggy-style and I logged it somewhere on this blog as, “Yet another amazing night of sex, ohemgeeeee!” But I hope you now know it’s only because I won’t write about the other parts of me and I don’t want to bore you with the lame stuff about my ridiculousness.

I’m not bragging or trying to make you feel bad about whatever, I just lucked the fuck out this go around — big time — and I’m a writer who needs to write, so here I am detailing yet another night of the awesome sexy time for all to see.

I promise I’m not really an asshole.  I just don’t have anything else I want to write about.

*though this blog is only 2 years old, it covers the previous year, as well.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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57 thoughts on “I sound like I’m gloating.
  1. As a man I am going to say there is a certain voyeuristic aspect to reading about someone’s sex life.
    The other side to that coin is I see so many (both men and women) that are sexually repressed and reading about someone who is accepting of their sexuality may help open their eyes.

    1. Southern Sir, from a female perspective, yes it can open the eyes wide open & now I truly see that I can be me sexually & it’s ok & it’s wonderful! 😉

  2. So maybe the sex is similar from post to post, but your explanation of your feelings, what led up to it, and your reactions truly does come across as different and as someone who has great (if irregular sex), I come back each time because I have an interest in the part of your life you allow us to see – to me, there’s always something new and fresh to read.

    Oh, and I like reading hot sex. 🙂

    So you’re not an asshole. Keep up the epic fucking and the epic posts about the fucking…

  3. What Kayla says…
    And then this too :
    I don’t take it as a “I’m having great sex and you’re not” thing, otherwise I wouldn’t be coming back. Because I most certainly am not having any sex, great or not.
    So well… why do I come back? Because you’re a great writer. And because I like to think that maybe I too will struck luck and reading you makes me hopeful. And because my experience isn’t as great as yours and I am glad to read about different possibilities…
    Frankly, 2 guys for Christmas? Yes please! I’d love to, though it probably won’t happen this year still :-/
    And then 1 guy for good, with great sex too? Reading you makes me think it’s achievable!

  4. OK, Ok. Hands up everyone who thought, based on the post title, that Hy had told TN that she loves him and that it all went very well? Hmm?

      1. I have to admit I’ve been waiting to hear about that too…
        The “yet” makes me hopeful that something has been said, and if it has, then this post is proof that it went well.
        I’m so hopeful for you, or so eager for a happy ending (though this post shows you get that a LOT more than I do!) 🙂

  5. I think it’s interesting you brought up being deceitful because I often think about this when reading some people’s blogs. I tend to think about how I would feel if I ever found out my partner were secretly writing intimate details about me to the world. I think it would crush me just as much as if I found out they were cheating in me….maybe more. Anyway, if your stories ever got “old” or boring, I’d just stop reading, stop my subscription of your blog and move in. But I keep coming back because I’m jealous of what you’ve got and hope one day I might be so fortunate. 🙂

      1. I realize it is hypocritical of me to say this and yet I continue reading. And I realize I’m in a minority here because I’m not a blogger. So please don’t hate me!!! But to answer your question in one word… Devastated. But I’m also a very sensitive and private person. I will say I rarely think about it when reading your blog. I love your writing and stories and I always think you’re respectful and loving in what you say about him. But you brought it up and it’s something i have wondered if bloggers really think about. You also didn’t start your blog to write about him and I think that makes a difference.

        1. My wife doesn’t know about my blog, and I wonder how she would feel if she found out. She’d probably feel fucking pissed off, not devastated. But I have to write my blog or I’d go insane. Seriously.
          (FYI – I make a point of writing nothing in my blog that could identify her. That’s also why I use non de plume, which I know some bloggers frown on)

          1. To me it doesn’t matter if what you write is identifiable or not. It would be horrible to find out that things I would not tell other people about my sex life would be written about me without my knowledge. If I knew and agreed to it, then fine. But if it were behind my back…I don’t think I would handle it well.

          1. I just want to be clear…I love your blog and your writing. I’m not condemning you at all for what you write. I hope that’s not how my comments are coming across!! I don’t think you take it too far at all. If I disagreed with your what you were writing, I would never tell you… I would stop reading.

      2. I think I’d go through a range of emotions, though reading thorough your blog posts, it emanates just how much you have grown to care about TN, how you respectfully protect his & your identity…I think I’d come around from being shocked to being pretty chuffed by the whole idea….

  6. I’ll keep reading because I still want to see the diirrty themed boob day. I especially want to know what you’ll do for that one Hy. Oh, the rest of your blog is kinda interesting too 😉

      1. Not sure, yet, but d i i r r t y is a friend and fellow blogger who writes vignette poetry (as I like to think of it), really sexy stuff). So, I’m gonna have to think about what a theme based on him would be like.

  7. I just recently shared something similar to my friend. I told him I want to write sex as it really is, the good, bad, ugly, blunders, glories. And yet, I most often write without the negative realistic sex issues – not because I don’t want to, but because I’m fortunate that I don’t have many moments of them. Yep, I’m lucky my sex is ohmawgawd ah-mazing damn near every time.
    To cheers to you

  8. I’ve often pondered this question too. Are happy sex bloggers having as much fantastic sex as they say they are? Are their lives really going that well? The truth is that they may well just be writing about the good stuff and leaving out the other bits: car got repo’ed, Dad died of cancer, etc. if you write a sex blog then just write about sex – I don’t want to hear about how your work colleague Mary keeps showing you her photos of her poodle and it’s stopping you from meeting your sales targets.
    In my case, my blog is about not getting as much sex as I’d want and yet if truth be known I often forget to blog about the sex I am having. In 2014 I plan to make a point of writing (or at least acknowledging) if my wife and I have sex.

  9. Bahahahaha! Oh Hy, you had me in fits of laughter! How is it bad to be telling us followers how great your sex life is? Do you really think we’d be wanting to read about bad sex? Though comical things that happen & misadventures during sex are bloody funny too though…some of us are also having truly awesome sex 😉 & yet we still love reading every word you write….& enjoy ever pic you post…why I even took my own ‘Hy inspired’ boob pic the other day! Perhaps that’s a theme for noob day? 🙂 love you work Hy, always & hope your weekend went very well…

  10. I understand you completely.

    Both on the feelings of gloating and being repetitive but also for the reasoning.

    Sir reads my blog, and I’ve described him but I would never, ever write anything truly personal about him. Ever. I hold back on our conversations and experiences because, though he’s a willing participant and loves reading the blog, he isn’t willing to have his deepest thoughts and feelings and his identity put out there.

    and I would never put him in that situation. So I understand, and I love reading your blog,no matter how braggy you might feel. AND it’s good to see you happy.

    xoxo

    1. Thanks, Fay. I only ever share things TN says to me as it relates to us and when he’s particularly awesome. I admit there were some rough days 18 months ago, but… I dunno. It’s still wrong to not tell him at this juncture.

      Like I said to someone else, it’ll happen soon.

      And I love reading you and the mysterious Sir. 🙂 xx hy

  11. Trust me I know that feeling. its like when I write about my past sexcapades sometimes I read it and think ‘I wonder if people actually believe I did all this?’ LOL 😛
    But at the end of the day – this is YOUR blog and it is totally up to US to decide if we read it or not. Never forget who you are writing for! 🙂

  12. Hello Hy,
    I haven’t been reading since the beginning, and honestly I read very few blogs religiously or often, but what I do read here I enjoy, and I keep coming back for more. Yours is one of the few blogs I DO have a subscription to. And no, it doesn’t come across as gloating to *me*, but then again I have a pretty incredible sex life (and write copiously about it myself) so maybe I’d feel different if I didn’t…

    ….thinking…

    Nah, I don’t think so. I like writing about sex and I like reading well-written pieces about sex. And you write *well.* The reason I enjoy what you write is because you write about more than just “Insert part A into slot B.” You write lyrically, you write compellingly, you write about more than just fucking, and you *still* keep it so hot that at times, while I am not jealous of the sex you’re having, I’m definitely envious of your ability and skill in writing about it! So (if I get a vote) I’d say “keep it up, please.”

    OTOH, I disagree with another commenter that if it’s a sex blog it should be just sex. I *do* want to know more than just the sexy stuff about the people whose lives I read about…but that is exactly why I read about you and your life. To catch the little tidbits that fill in the story of you and yours, as well as the hot sex stuff.

    I write very openly about the good and the bad in my blog. I write a lot about our hot, kinky sex lives, but I have also written about my sister dying of cancer and the joys and trials of my relationship with my ex and with my children, and about the ups and downs and ins and outs of my relationship with my men. I LOVE writing about the sex and kink, but I also NEED to write about everything else, and so I do. This space is first and foremost your OWN. You make of it what you will and write about what you choose and what makes you happy. and I’ll keep coming back as long as it is as compelling and intimate and moving as it is.

    1. Wow, Jade, I’m very flattered; your note is incredibly kind! I try very hard to write well, and even “lyrically”, as you say, so I’m happy to hear that I’m pulling it off.

      I grew up reading historical romances that took 20 pages to describe a scene that could have been done hot and well in 5 and I’ve seen “erotica” that falls flat. There’s definitely a happy middle ground.

      As far as all the other stuff, I wish I could write about more, but I’m trying to protect my anonymity and those whose choice to be written about is taken away. When my friend committed suicide, I wrote of that because that was impossible to keep inside, but, for instance, I likely will never write about how my ex makes ridiculous, insensitive choices frequently that semi-torture me (haha! Exhusbands!).

      I’m comfortable with my choices, but I couldn’t help but worry that I was coming off as a braggart because of them 🙂

      Having said all that, I’m going to do my best to keep writing compelling, intimate and moving content, so you have a reason to keep that subscription 😉

  13. My Hy,
    I adore your ridiculousness! You have never bored me and I have always known that you have tons of other totally interesting facets that make you the beautiful person that you are. Really, what could be more important to write about than sexuality? I figure people who write, say, a blog about knitting are secretly yearning to write about sex. Pussies! 😉

    Christmas Bisous,
    Dawn

      1. Why do I have the feeling that you changed your blog’s background to knitted… Is this a sign we’re losing our favourite sex blogger, and she’s going to start writing about knitting? Mind you, I might still follow you, I used to love to knit, and it might be a good way to keep my mind and hands busy and off of less productive endeavours 😉

          1. You have a point there! In that context, I’m not even sure how to say “pussy” in French. No wonder why I’ve been miserable here! Lol :). Bises

          2. Well, I don’t know either… in the regular sense, it would of course be “chatte”, but in this sense of “not daring”… I don’t know. As I wrote on my blog, I’m terrible with slang, in any language! Maybe femmelette would be one, with a similar meaning, but no play on words there. Sorry, I don’t think I can help you much 🙁

          3. I asked my husband and he said, “layette” or “lopette”…..swearing and using slang always seems more powerful to me in my own language. When I’m furious, I revert to English, even when no one understand me.

          4. Yes, closer… lopette does have that subliminal sexual meaning, as it speaks of gay men, but I’m not 100% satisfied either, because when you wrote Pussies, I thought of women… for the obvious reason that they are writing about knitting? 😉
            As for layette, I wasn’t even aware that it could have that meaning. I associate it with Babies’ clothes, quite different 🙂
            Ah, the difficulty of translating!
            I actually find it easier to curse in a foreign language than in my own… because I then bypass my education?
            Though I too, when furious, have trouble speaking a foreign language. I think it’s the case for most people. And if you think people around you don’t understand you, you’re mistaken! They do know you’re very angry, even if they don’t understand the words! And really, isn’t the feeling more important than the actual words in such a context?!

          5. I guess that people probably realize that I’m angry because I stomp my feet and hiss like a cat! Not really.

            I got a new toy (not that kind!) for Christmas and the spell-check is far too efficient for me. I think I wanted to write something else but now I can’t remember what. Oops. You can’t fight progress.

  14. Hi!
    Jade said it so well, I agree with everything she wrote (and I LOVE her writing too).

    I feel like I arrived at your blog just in time to see things really start to change with TN. You were still writing about other men and this hot young guy from next door you had GREAT sex with. I liked your blog for different reasons back then. But I saw something through your eyes even then, he was/is special to you, there definitely was a unique love story in this erotica. I wanted to see how this grew. I’ve always believed in you sticking with him as he seemed to love you in his own way from the beginning. How funny the comments were back then, before I was blogging it was such a thrill to comment (especially since I didn’t agree with most of the other comments).

    I know that I only get to see one side of this hot steamy romance, but I believe in you to portray the story as it goes. The parts you leave out about your life I fill in easily, and the mystery that is Hy is a good reason to return time and time again. I really don’t require more than you give to be one of your biggest fans!

    I will admit (and I’ve told you this before) that I am envious of the way you feel about that man, I want to sympathize with your ups and downs but I can only imagine what it’s like. Just like reading anything it is possible that it will shed light on what I am missing in my relationship(s). On certain days I might not read a post if it looks too romantic, I will save it for a moment I feel better. But I have never thought of you as a bragger, and I don’t get sick of it.

    For me it has been hard to blog about my marriage sex because I didn’t want to share that intimate part of my life (and luckily we were having fun threesomes and foursomes to keep me blogging). So I understand why you want to limit the scope of your writings. As you know my husband reads my blog and I have to censor it for his feelings. There is so much more I could write about, and some day I just might, but for right now I’m trying to keep it light and fun.

    As far as telling TN, I imagine that if you were to publish a novel you should tell him. But I really think you should rethink telling him you blog about him. “Blogging” means different things to different people, he can look at the number of followers you have and assume that 800 people read every post, he might imagine that ten times that number read but don’t follow. Do you really know how he will comprehend that you blog about him? How will you explain what it means to you to share your story? But I know how it feels to keep something so big from someone you love, and it sucks to not get to share your wins with your lover…just think it over, I know when you tell him it means it is the end of this blog as we know it and I’m not ready for that yet.

    You opened my eyes to a lot of things, not just squirting and how awesome it is to see two guys together. You showed me what kind of writing I enjoy reading, you showed me that life after a divorce can be shitty but more awesome than being in an unhappy marriage. You showed me that love takes many forms, and you showed me that breasts take many forms…okay maybe I knew that.

    Always rooting for Hy,
    G
    P.S. Happy Holidays, I’m hoping Santa brings me that magical transporter so I can meet you for a drink soon.

  15. Sorry, I’m a bit late to the conversation (still catching up after being sick!).

    But… there’s a big difference between gloating and sharing. Besides that (and beyond that), what you’ve shared here over the past year about you and TN isn’t just about sex — it’s about love and friendship and bonding and pain… all of that lovely (sometimes difficult) stuff.

    I think like lots of us, sex is your means of self-expression — it’s your way to communicate, to love, and to be loved. So, in my mind, what you’re sharing here is about sex, sure, but it’s about so much more than that. It’s about love — endlessly beautiful and flawed — and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you letting us into your heart and your world. 🙂

    (And, FYI, even if you were gloating, you’re entitled to!)

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