I still miss Gillian: A post about community, acceptance, and art.

Certain kinds of people are attracted to the kind of blogging we do, our open sexual catalogs, real feelings, opaque details, fears of discovery.

We’re introspective and have things to say; we have a need to share and a reckless sense of hope that someone else out there might want to read what we have to say.

We crave acceptance and interaction, but are embarrassed to admit it.  I suspect we’re tender, creative, and equally shy.  We might might be wildly different in person, but one thing we all share is a need to connect.

Why not just write this all down in a journal?  Pulp and ink?  I’ll tell you why: community.

When I began blogging it was on a different platform many years ago.  Four, to be precise.  I barely remember the name of it, but I experimented with my anonymity.  I noted the sex and age of my child, for certain, and I even shared the URL with some of my lovers (Troy was a huge fan of reading about himself).  I might have even named my city and my profession.  Rookie mistakes, if you ask me.  I tore it all down when it stopped feeling like a safe place and for a few months I was blog-less, adrift.

I tried writing in my journal, the one I could cradle in my hand, but the words never flowed out of the pen-tip like they did out of my fingertips.

I decided to resurrect myself on WP and within weeks I blindly stumbled upon Gillian Colbert’s Black Door Press blog, a special haven of sex-positive, creative writers and journalists.  (If you Google it now you get nothing; enough time has passed that it’s slipped through Google’s fingers.  It’s just a heap of bones in my memory.)   There were people there who were cloaked in anonymity — just like me — for fear of losing their jobs or their husbands and wives, of being labeled a pervert, immoral or an asshole.

But something magical happened in her sphere: No one judged. 

Instead, we entered each other’s blood stream and felt the pain, the loneliness, the bleak and starving strains on the heart.  We cajoled, but were objective; we didn’t hold a punch, but we were quick to kiss and hug, make sure the other knew it was born out of love that we questioned this or that or stated clearly that it wasn’t for us.  We gave creative feedback on fictional works, played with each other’s art.

Gillian was the arbiter of it all.  She bore her soul to us like no one since or ever before.  I’d never seen anything like it.

She cracked herself open right down the middle and showed us all what she found to be the ugliest parts of herself and it only made us love her more.  It encouraged us to do the same: to be bold, honest, ugly as sin.  Fucking real and fearless because we knew — we knew — that no one was going to hurt us in our struggle, in our vulnerability and exposure.  It would not have been tolerated.  Period.

We were safe here.

Gillian was also a prolific writer.  Her internal schedule demanded that she write almost constantly. She had month’s worth of posts piled up and she once told me that whenever the comments began to pour in she never knew to which post they were responding.  It could have been something she’d written months before.  Yet they were always timely.  How did she do that?? I wondered.  I never learned the secret.

Her art was words.  She was a master and a clinician all at once.  A small-framed woman with a bob and a twisted mind who’d masturbate in the bleachers under a coat at her daughter’s soccer games.  She gathered us all up in her little arms and held us close and up to a standard I was proud to meet.  I was a member of this circle.  Not an elite one, but one that only required a desire to join and I was in.  I was so in.  I felt at home.

I participated in all the contests, the writing games.  Gillian came up with writing prompts, we’d pass around an erotic story and each add a paragraph and she’d publish the finished product.  She’d collect photos we’d submit — photos we’d never ordinarily share — and we’d play a guessing game. Who’s who?  No one had ever seen my smile before that game.  Only my tits and ass.

I want that back.  All of it.  Of course I want Gillian, too, but she’s slipped away into the ether, moved on to hopefully better things.  At least I met amazing, influential people through her black door.  Some I’m close with, others I admire from a distance, and some have followed Gillian beneath the dark waters of real life and blog-life expiration.  LSAM and Noodle, Nick (the commenter), Mike, too, Bi, Ginger and Cruel, Z, True, Cara, HH & Lo, AM, TheoJayne, Fay, Deviant Diaries, Cheating Whore, Gideon Jagged, Chris de Voss, Kyle Mew, Rincewind.  More whose names are escaping me at this moment — forgive me!!

Some have cryptic abbreviations in my head, others are fully named.  I don’t know what most of them look like or how they sound, but I know these people.  Their inner thoughts and turmoil, their humor, their lustful fantasies, their creative brilliance.  I know things about these people that they have yet to share with a real life person.  Others, through this community, have learned to open up and fold their two lives together.  Some continue to be artists of their own making weaving fantasy and truth with smoke and mirrors.  There’s also a lot of fun shit, light and free.

Those are just the folks I associate with Gill.  Since she left, I’ve met new people with new energy and without hesitation I can say that each one is another flower in a beautiful bouquet.  Everyone is still accepting; it’s like this inexhaustible reserve of love.  Where does it come from??

But before you think I’ve smoked some kind of hippie love bong and have lost my mind, not everyone agrees with me and my decisions.   I had many, many readers who thought The Neighbor was the devil incarnate and I should dump him, some think I’m a piece of shit for writing anonymously without consent, and still another wasn’t very happy with me for not talking to her first before I responded to a post of hers she had on a national platform.  By all means challenge me, but don’t judge me.  I may or may not end up agreeing with you, but that’s ok.  We’re not all the same person anyway, right?

Still: I feel accepted here and I like to think I’m diplomatic and open to all discourse.  Even if I come out on the short end and look a fool.  I’m not infallible; I’m just a writer.  Some folks aren’t going to drink my Kool-Aid.

However, because I experienced acceptance in the very beginning I continue to be free to be Hyacinth, separate from the woman I am in real life.  I don’t have to make sense.  I show my tits, occasionally my ass, I bitch and moan about my complicated relationship, I write erotica, I shout to the moon about being in love, I leave thoughts like droppings all over the internet, and I avoid the spaces where the tone is negative.  I don’t know the language of snark.  My inner compass rejects it, but I don’t reject the people who partake, I just steer clear and let them have their space.  I have my own, after all, and I use it for me.

This space, at once a playground and meeting place, is also a lens.  What I see in the bathroom mirror is vastly different than what my iPhone captures.  The community gets to see my frailty and responds with kindness because they know that being that kind of ugly couldn’t exist here.  There’s no oxygen for that animal in this place.  And I’m ok with being objectified because my sexuality is my own and it’s more powerful to have choice than be told I have none because someone might wank off to me.  Wank away, I say!  You have the same agency as I do, sir or ma’am!

Most revealing photo, yet.
Most revealing photo, yet.

If I had to guess, I bet that most of us want what I’ve described: community, acceptance, a place to do their art.  It’s within all of our reach, but we have to make it happen — it doesn’t just happen to us — and we don’t want snark or judgment.  That’s creative death, cheap thrills and empty wins!  We want love and respect, intelligent discourse, constructive feedback and thoughtful critiques.

COM-MUN-I-TEEEEEEEEEEEE.

LSAM, Cara, and Noodle wrote posts recently that reminded me of this.   Different takes on what seems to me to share the same heart.  If I may put words in their mouths: for LSAM she was close to Gillian and she has felt the cooling the most as Gillian’s sun faded away; for Cara she wonders where hers is; for Noodle she feels that our once tightly knit community has unraveled.

The enigmatic Gillian isn’t here to be our Bloggy Godmother anymore, so we’ve been rudder-less for two years — a freaking lifetime in Blogland — and while I believe it’s impossible to recapture that exact thing that she stewarded,  I bet we could come close if we tried.  It’s obviously not come naturally to me or anyone else to step into her shoes, but if we put our heads together we could patch it all back together into something just as wonderful.

Who wants to try?

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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57 thoughts on “I still miss Gillian: A post about community, acceptance, and art.
  1. I feel like I missed out on some good years. I blogged all that time but never connected into that community. I still feel a bit isolated, to be honest. But I think now that’s purposeful. If I dont get too close to others then I’m safer from throwing my marriage away. Plus it makes M uncomfortable for me to email anyone (anyone but you, Hy).
    All that being said, I still wouldn’t mind an internet girlfriend.

    1. Is that how we met?? My memory isn’t that good! I pulled only a couple of those names from memory, most came from the last post I did about her and also off her Twitter feed.

      You are (& were) most definitely a part of that community, Anisa. I’m sorry you haven’t felt it. We’ll have to do better in the future.

          1. I dont think it crosses any boundaries to tell you that you look damn fine in that photo. I can sense the bravery it took… But you are so effing gorgeous.

  2. Maybe that’s what my problem is? I wish it was as easy as it was then, but I know it’s not possible. It shouldn’t stop us from seeking out the connection now. Maybe I need to start reaching out again. There are a few people I still stay in contact with and maybe expanding that communication is key. What would it take to reconnect? Good question

    1. I don’t think it’s just you, though. I feel it, too! Like I said, we need to put our heads together and figure it out. Noodle and I want to bring the writing circles back, for example. We just need to do it, is all. People will feel as connected as they allow themselves to be. xx Hy

      PS: thanks for letting me put words in your mouth!

  3. You guys were my first experience ever with a blog. I’m glad cruel brought me into this circle of such wonderful, kinky and non judgemental people. Cruel and I are still having fun and our lives are busy but I do enjoy the sense of community that we had. I had the privledge to meet Gillian in person and know her real name and what an amazing person she is. She has crossed my mind lately and I hope all is well in her world and she is thriving. Thank you Hy for being such a anchor in this blogging community. Live long and prosper cutie. Xoxo

    1. Aw, thanks, Ginger! I’m so glad to know you two are still alive and kicking (officially I already knew that – haha). We were all brand new to blogging back then – most of us anyway – so it was a little like the entering Freshman class. :) xx Hy

  4. Count me in. I will make more of an effort myself. I think Gillian put in many hours and commented on all kinds of sites and brought people together simply by how she interacted. It takes effort and lots of time. I have thought of those stories she began and have some to start one of those stories. I’m afraid of dropping the ball because I know how much time it takes to do that. The picture thing to was a fun way to hang out. You do it with Boob Day Hy. That’s a cool thing and it’s been a beneficial and life changing thing for me and my thoughts on breasts, boobs, tits. Life is pulling me away from hours on the blog but I’m here and I’ll have a block party soon. EVERYONE will be invited. love, Jayne

      1. I’m reading and almost tearing up because I feel the warmth that can be created when you, yes, you beautiful Hy, open your heart. I’ve been in a little whirl and world of my own lately but because of this subject of community, I went through and read posts from my start. I found one from over a year ago about a Blogger’s Ball. I wrote it at a time when you and TN were “iffy” but all I have is a start about walking in and seeing you and a guy with a 5 o’clock shadow who must be TN (you were able to get him to go with you. diirrty was at the bar in a shirt but I could tell it was him because this guy matched his gravatar and CC was in a pencil skirt with her corset partially showing under her shirt. It’s not good to live in the past but it is good to have sweet memories. Oh yeah, and TN was in a nice pea coat too. That could be a start of a story for anyone to add to. It will have to be done in October. …Hmmm an Autumn Blogger’s Ball…what do you think?

  5. Wish I could have been part of a community, but being an old gent instead of a gorgeous lady may be the difference. I’m glad to have found your blog and those that have come into my circle of friends through your blog. I tend to write in rhyme, but I can write when inspired. I hope to read more of your words and completely agree with Anisa, you are always gorgeous.

  6. Although I’ve only been blogging for a little over a year now, I’d have to say you hit the nail on the head. I’m here for the interaction, the stories (real or fake), the words of wisdom, the sexiness, the positive energy, the understanding (holy shit, someone gets me or at least a part of me), the pictures that get posted (for no reason), a good laugh and in some cases a good cry.

    For the most part I’ve always felt welcomed and respected, even when my thoughts or opinions have differed from others. On the few occasions someone has rubbed me the wrong way or I’ve found their negativity and double-talk not conducive to why I’m here or just flat out annoying I’ve un-followed them.

    I don’t find myself requiring a disclaimer that what I’m reading is only filled with half truths, no one needs to defend what they post and or why. I like to view each blog I choose to read as if I am a guest in their home. I’ve been invited into a piece of a person’s world and allowed to sit down and make myself comfy. In some cases, I’ve been offered up a cup of their vulnerabilities, in others a slice of their strength. On occasion, I’ve been asked to remove my clothes, lie down and bask in the sensory wonderment of words.

    Whatever it is, whose ever home/blog I’m visiting, whatever they’ve chosen to share. How can I not be appreciative and respectful of that? Why would I question what their motive is or even assume they have one? I love all the layers of the people I read, it’s what makes them identifiable to me. I think it’s why they read me too. It’s what makes up a community as you’ve said; all the bits and pieces, whether its body shots, confessions, half lies or truths. Doesn’t matter the level of wordsmith a person is, their character will always come through in the end and those that choose to be ugly, will be followed and supported by ugly. Those who choose to support, appreciate, offer words of encouragement, love and acceptance will draw in likeminded Community oriented people as well.

    I for one feel blessed to be a part of this community and offer my support in any way I can.

    xoxo

    1. What she ^^ said!

      Honestly Hy, I wanted to say something along those lines, but she’s said it all so eloquently already!
      Maybe by the time I have finished reading all the comments, I’ll have more to add, but I could not finish this comment and not say I agree 100%!

    2. ‘Tis, you are a wise woman! I’m hoping that the desire for community will help revive it. We are all already part of one, I just want to be sure we’re taking very good care of it! xx Hy

      1. Thank you Hy. I can see by the responses here and elsewhere that many people are wanting the same thing and when you are championing for something as fundamental as respect, support, encouragement, growth, love and friendship I’ve no doubt other’s will be on board to help nurture the community as well.

        xo

  7. I have two points:
    1. You are a really pretty lady and I would love to lick you from head to toe, if I weren’t already committed to licking my honey-bunny exclusively.
    2. I remember those times (2 years ago?) as being a really pleasant period of getting to know all the people you mention and others too numerous, and yes, I think Gillian was a big part of that. I can’t find her on the Net, either. So what should we do? Is it just a matter of remembering to comment our appreciation?

    1. I have two responses: 1) why thank you very much, Theo! And 2) I think it’s about making sure everyone even knows there’s a community out there (and yes, that typically happens via comments), but also through the belief and participation in it. By that I mean instead of us being insular (like we often are), we make an effort to pull others in like Gill did with games and workshops. I have a different kind of community here built on self-esteem and body image (Boobday) because I solicit the participation, but it’s limited to only those women who want to share. Imagine if I solicited erotica or a fun game that basically everyone could join in on? That’s how Gillian made it different, I think. It wasn’t on a schedule and it was organic. I don’t know… Maybe I’m getting too meta about this, but it’s just been on my mind lately and I could see it in the posts of my friends, too.

  8. I have felt a sense of community as soon as I started blogging about 9 months ago. Maybe it’s because I received a great welcome from sweet Dawn and great responses to my first Boobday pictures. Maybe it’s because I was looking for that interaction you and ‘Tis and LSAM mentioned, that comfort that I’m not alone in feeling what I do. That reassurance that I can be myself, share my ups and downs and not be judged. I would have hated interacting with people who were negative about me. As you said, you’re welcome to challenge me, I welcome that, I welcome thinking more broadly than I would by myself, just don’t put me down for my actions or feelings. I don’t need anyone to tell me that, I’m pretty good at doing it myself. And I’ve experienced it for long enough during my marriage, and that’s why I left it!
    As for the pictures… I don’t post a lot. Actually, I haven’t posted a single one that wasn’t on your blog. But pretty early on in the process, I realised that, yes, some people may wank to my pics. And that was Ok. It actually meant that I wasn’t all that disgusting, so still a positive thing. And like you, I am not going to let the fact that someone may use my pictures to their advantage prevent me from posting them. Because it brings me much more than it takes away from me.
    I never knew Gillian, she sounds like a great person. But I am in if you want to create a greater sense of community.
    However, I fear that, as Jayne pointed out, being Gillian required a lot of time. I don’t have that time. I enjoy reading and make a point to comment on almost every post I read. Ok, who am I kidding? I cannot refrain from commenting on almost every single post I read! But I don’t have time to do what Gillian did. I don’t even find time writing for my blog lately! I am still trying to find the balance between blogosphere and real life… It is a difficult balance to achieve! But I’m working on it :-)
    Let me know what you have in mind. I’ll take part as much as I am able.
    And thank you for making me feel welcome and being non-judgemental when I started. It was great to feel accepted for who I was rather than have to pretend to be someone else as I had to for so long!

    1. Dawn, you’re such a bad ass. I totally admire your bravery and willingness to roll up your sleeves. If this were a room filled with people, I imagine you entering it, looking around, and beaming a smile at all of us which makes us all know you’re A-OK. Does that even make sense?? Community is what you make it, I guess is what I’m saying, and it’s my sincerest hope that everyone — EVERYONE — feels it. If they don’t, then we need to try harder.

      Re: all the other smart stuff you said, Hear, hear! Blogging and RL are always a balance. After almost 4 years at it, I finally think I’ve figured some things out, while others completely allude me. It’s a work in progress for sure. Can’t wait to keep knowing you!! xx Hy

  9. Oh sweet Hy! Since I’m not a blogger I’m humbled you would even mention me. I’ve read you since almost the very beginning I think. But though I am but a voyeur, I do feel close to you and those in the community. As someone with nil writing talent, I’m always envious of your ways with words, the images Marian can paint, and the craftiness of Jayne’s verses. My sole contribution, I hope, is to make you smile occasionally. Or perhaps shake your head at my imbecilic innocence. And one other thing I’d add about the “community” if I may. No one is full of themself … all put their panties on 1 leg at at time. I have been exposed to others, who are WAY too full of themselves. You gals (and guys) rock! Write on!

    Mike

  10. Dear Hy,
    Thanks so much for writing this. Only last week or so I sent an e-mail to LSAM expressing just about the same thing. We all, coincidentally, started blogging roughly around the same time and we came together (pun intended) and Gillian was a big part of making that happen. She did create a community in a way that we struggle to do. Part of our problem is that WP has censored our ability to comment on other WP blogs. But it is a great circle of bloggers and we’re glad that we have been able to get to know y’all (virtually) and some of you in person.

    p.s. – Looking great for 40 or any age!!!

    1. Darling H.H., it was my pleasure. I’m so happy that it’s resonated so much with everyone. We are lucky to have learned each other when we did, so lucky.

      Re: WP, it’s much harder staying connected as a self-hosted blogger, I know. We should have an off-blog chat about ways to circumvent that (I don’t want to bore everyone here). I have an idea that might help you feel more connected.

      Anyway, thanks for being here, guys. Love you! xx Hy

  11. Sweet Hy, So much has changed since those early days. I still read once is a while. My employer has added internet filtering to their efforts to protect me.
    Gillian inspired all of us to walk with her and be better at being ourselves openly and honestly. While I never met her in person we used to IM frequently and shared a familiarity deeper than a internet freindship.
    I sometimes long for those feisty blog discussions as challenging and emotional as they could be. I could ramble on and on but I will stop her with a promise to be present and engage on a more frequent basis XXX’s Cruel JCS

    1. Cruel, it’s wonderful to know you’re still around. I never really doubted it, of course, but I love a good appearance as much as the next. Do what you can. It’ll be awesome! xx Hy

  12. I’ve read your post several times and keep coming back to see the comments. It is SO encouraging to me that we are all feeling this void. And that we want it. While (as several have said) I doubt one person can have the time and natural energy to devote as much time to Bloggy Godmothering as Gillian did, if we all pitch in and do a little bit, then we can strengthen what I do feel has unraveled. Kinda like a neighborhood pitching in to keep the community garden weeded, watered and groomed.

  13. Holy shit Hy! I’ve got so much to say, but dinner’s coming off the stove and it’s my grandma’s 89th birthday (god bless her). If I don’t answer this by tomorrow morning, email me and remind me. Please!! xoxo

  14. Ok. Wow. I’ve now read over this a few times and I’m still struggling with how much to say about what. Forgive me if I blather.
    First, I think we had something very special and rare back then. I talk about lack of community and everyone’s like “we have a community and it’s great and welcoming.” And it is. For sure. I don’t want to underestimate that. But I think before that fateful July, we had something extra special. Those that have come into our inner circle since then do not feel the lack because our community is fantastic and we are great, welcoming people. We can’t forget that.
    See. The thing about GC… How much do I say here? She lived through BDP. She could be herself there, when there was no place else in her life she could just be. She lived a life of repression and then suddenly, WHAM, there was acceptance and friendship and dare I say love. Things she had never really experienced as an adult.
    And she thrived in it. She did. Like you said Hy, she would write and write and write. It was how she thought and formulated feelings and ideas. Because she had, for the first time in her life, found acceptance, she split open her soul. Sometimes I think, just to see if she could chase us away. But she couldn’t because of the acceptance. I don’t know if you ever read all of BDP, but there was a changing point that was visible. You could literally see that she was growing and opening up, like a flower blooming. We gave her that. We allowed her to find a way to be okay with herself, to love herself, to be okay with acceptance. And it was profound.
    Christ. I’m crying now.
    None of us are in the same position Gill was in (at least I hope not). We have families that love us, people that care, things that need done. Gillian spent hours everyday in the blogosphere. I remember literally yelling at her because she would get so overwhelmed with reading and commenting and responding to emails. I remember trying to convenience her to only post 3 times a week, so she could get a grasp on other things. But she couldn’t. BDP was her escape and her love and her community.
    I miss the fuck out of her. And she passes through my mind at least once a day. I have been angry, sad, mad, pissed off and every other emotion since she’s left. I have wanted to hate her. I tried really hard to hate her after everything went down. But I can’t, because I love her. And I pray that where ever she is today, she has some little piece of what we had then.
    Because my fear is she doesn’t. We still have each other and I fear she is in her dark world all alone again. Fearful of her ugly.
    *hugs and kisses*

    1. LSAM, I love you. You made me cry, too. I don’t think any of us should do what she did (all those hours online — look! we’ve proven we can’t!), but I think that so long as we keep that memory alive we’ll be able to tap back into that community we loved so much. We are Bloggy Godmother-less, but we aren’t heartless. We have lots of hearts all over the internet. xx Hy

  15. This is my last thing, I promise, and then I’m off my soap box!

    Props to you dear Hy! Look at the people that came out of the woodwork for this! Names I haven’t seen in a long, long time. Excellent work my dear! You kick ass.

  16. Holy shit! I had no idea. I started reading in July 2012, which was right then when things changed for y’all. And then I used “G” — which is the first letter of my real name as you know, and then I devoted hours to blogging and comments. Then I just couldn’t anymore. And my life sounds like hers. I had an uphill battle to fit in but you all made me so comfy and happy. My life changed so much because of blogging and this community…and like LSAM said, my soul got cracked so open I’m still picking up pieces of myself over there. Never have I really felt such “intimacy”, even if I shared everything with anyone who would read. Wow.
    I’m not against joining back in, writing prompts would help, as would some kind of round robin story fun. Or art prompts.

    1. You’ll always be “G” to me, G. My life changed dramatically, too. It’s been a whip-your-hair-back kind of experience for sure. That being said, I’m so happy I found you and I’m glad that we made you feel welcome.

      And “joining back in”? Have you left us? I know you’ve been away for a bit…

  17. I never knew Gillian, she somehow escaped my notice, but from the Half-Nekkid Thursday community that drew Veronica and I into blogging (over 6 years ago!), I know exactly what you’re talking about. I remember a monthly writing prompt organized by Kimberley aka The Errant Wife that was a lot of fun.

    By the way, that photo? Goddamn you’re hot :-)

  18. When I started blogging, it wasn’t to seek out community, it was to process what I was going through, to get back to journaling, and it was entirely for me. I had no idea that blogging communities such as those you describe even existed. It never occured to me that anyone would read or that anyone would care.

    Then I started reading blogs, and saw some of the communities and friendships of which you speak. The outpouring of support on blogs was amazing. It seemed to me that no matter what you were seeking, however marginalised you felt in real life, you could find others here that were facing the same challenges. It’s pretty incredible. I started reading and commenting and interacting with other bloggers. I found humour and sadness and intrigue and it brought me deeper into this world. I’m sorry that you feel like you have lost your community, as do others, but I think it is still out there, just waiting to be reignited.

    In my six months of blogging on a regular basis, I have been blessed with people that have pulled me into their circles. Who have supported me and challenged me and put up with my occasional snark. Although it may seem that way sometimes, I do not judge. I seek to understand, and enjoy when people tell me things that I may not see myself.

    I’ve met new friends, some virtual, and some have crossed over into meeting in person (blogging is “real life” to me, so I don’t draw that distinction). A man I’m in love with. More than I ever thought, in a million years, I would get by putting my journal online. In my darkest day since starting to blog, which happened on Wed/Thurs this week, people reached out to me off blog, unsolicited, just to tell me they cared.

    I remain humbled by it and it’s pretty f*cking amazing.

    (as is that picture. you are no fraud, my lovely)

  19. Wow… I was actually thinking about her blog the other day, accidentally looked into my old posts and found a reblog from her blog. She was a wonder and definitely one of the first times I truly found a good community of similar thinking people. Was like a good cafe or local pub where you just sit down and chat with everyone in a friendly way. Ohhh I do miss her and hope she’s doing great.

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