Sometimes blood is a very good thing.

My breasts ached a week ago and were tender to the touch.  They hung heavier than usual and wouldn’t stay in my bra cups.  I racked it up to hormones; I’d be starting my period any minute.  Except I didn’t.

Sunday passed, then Monday.  By Wednesday I was beginning to wonder how that conversation would go with The Soldier.

“Hi, TS.  I know you totally stood me up on Saturday, but, uh, I’m pregnant and it can only be yours.  Yeah, I know we used condoms and I’m on the pill, but what can I say?  No, no, I’m not lying.  I swear it’s true.  Of course I’ll terminate it, but I need you to help me out with the costs.”

That is if he answered his phone.   And at least I’d know whose it was this time…

That night I took a shower, absentmindedly mulling over how I might have to get my first abortion at 40 which made me sad.  I always wanted more than one baby, but there’s no way I could support it on my own and it’d basically ruin Peyton’s life, the baby who’s already here and needs me.

I lathered, rinsed, shaved, turned the faucet off and reached for my towels.  The dark blue one wrapped my hair and the white one I used on my body.  My shoulders, arms, hips, thighs, between my legs.

I froze.

There in rich, dark red was the definitive answer to my semi-worried musings: my blood.

I don’t know how many towels have been sacrificed like this one over the years and depending on where I am in life it can either be a nuisance or a relief.  This time, I don’t mind losing a towel to the miracle of menstruation.  I’d bathe in a tub of my blood if I could.  It means one less awkward conversation I have to have with a guy who isn’t ready and one less awful decision to make.

Thanks, Aunt Flo.  Nice to see you.

bloody_hy

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Sinful Sunday

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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25 thoughts on “Sometimes blood is a very good thing.
  1. I was just telling myself tonight that I was gonna write a post on my abortion experience. Your post reminded me not to forget. I definitely agree. Sometimes it’s a blessing.
    Beck recently posted…WatchingMy Profile

    1. Molls, you totally inspired this post. When I saw the blood on my towel I thought of your period pic(s). I don’t know why we don’t integrate this more into our writings. xx Hy

  2. THere is nothing like the dread that comes with a late period and nothing like the relief that comes when your period finally arrives. I love that you documented this moment, it’s a beutiful photo of a moment that so many women go through.
    MariaSibylla recently posted…Secrets UnlockedMy Profile

  3. I love that you posted this shot. It reminds me of Molly’s period photos and I salute you for celebrating our amazing female bodies.
    And I’m very glad you got the outcome you wished for!
    Kat
    Kat recently posted…Dark AngelMy Profile

  4. I think many of us have been in this place, at one point or another. The sheer relief is often difficult to articulate.

    But you’ve managed just that, in wondrous word and image…

    (As for the towel, cold water on fresh blood always does the trick for me. No trace, no muck, no fuss.)
    Cheeky Minx recently posted…Hide and SeekMy Profile

  5. Thank you for telling an showing us. Your image reminds me of the artist whose work was banned from Facebook coz it was too obscene. I was her in her pjs wth a period stain on them after a nights sleep. We should not be ashamed or be shamed. Also respect for being open about what you’d do if you had been pregnant. Your body, your life and no explanations needed. But again so many hide from it, that it was neither a declaration nor something you hid from made t powerful to me.
    Humbly and in awe. Tiggs.
    Ps still wouldn’t want to go through that anxiety you did so glad for you that it came too.

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