Being assertive: How domination has taught me to stick up for myself in the vanilla world

The journey towards myself has been a journey of equal measure away from others.  Away from The Neighbor, away from my exhusband, away from my mother and father.  What do I need?  What do I want?  Who am I within those constructs?? As a woman I have been raised to acquiesce, to be demure, dainty, […]

I don’t know what to do next.

I began writing because I had to.  Words crawled against the underside of my skin like so many marching ants, less like blood flowing and more like an itch that had to be scratched.  And so I did. I began an anonymous sex blog on Blogger and wrote about the intersection of motherhood and being […]

He covered my face with kisses.

I understand that this post may seem like a 180 from the last [two] I’ve posted, but you have to understand that I am a master at juggling balls. I couldn’t tell you if I am better at it than most or if it’s just simply a part of being an adult, but just because […]

It’s a roller coaster.

After much soul searching I decided to keep our appointed Monday night reading date.  I dreaded it. I picked up the house in order for him to vacuum and prepped Peyton that after tonight we’d be seeing very little of The Neighbor because, “Mommy’s heart hurts too much still.”  My explanation was accepted with youthful […]

I can’t feel my heart.

I fell asleep sobbing last night, Friday, too. I’m crying now. I drank a bottle of sunshine last night, a cheap Chardonnay with a twist off cap.  It prickled on my tongue as I nursed it over the course of 7 hours and it wrapped its languid arms around my shredded heart and whispered in […]

His love language is different from mine.

If I had to guess, The Neighbor’s “love language” might be acts of service.  It’s not mine — mine is somewhere between words of love and getting loads of gifts — so it’s been a real exercise over the past couple of years to sort out how he feels about me.  He’d say all these […]

TN is my houseboy.

Six weeks after giving birth, my baby was round as a seal pup on my fat-laden breastmilk and the result was a massive, roll-covered infant.  Adorable, yes?  Convenient, no. Silly, naive me didn’t think twice about my body and what it’d been through pushing a baby out of it, so when I bent over the […]

He gets a [very lovely] punishment.

It’s been a few months now since The Neighbor and I entered into another layer of D/s and I became in control of his masturbation practices. Our original foray into D/s was borne out of intense curiosity to see if it would fit us; he’d been spanking me for nearly a year and controlling our […]

I beat his ass.

“Take off your underwear,” he said smiling and with no fanfare. I looked at him and burst into giggles. We’d been laying on the bed talking and it’d come out of no where, well, if “no where” was laying in bed and lavishing attention on your man and there was a rule that he wasn’t […]

My Domme skills need work. Or do they?

I had a dream last night that basically epitomized my feelings about being a Domme to The Neighbor: I’m a hack. I was somehow partnered with a pixie-haired blonde girl, lithe and curvy with little breasts and a sweet, flowy energy.  There were two men with us, TN and her man and they were both […]