About

I am Hyacinth Jones, multi-layered, multi-moraled, multi-educated.  I’m a mother of a young child, a feminist, a lover of men and a lover of love.  Also, a neophyte Domme.

I’m of the mind that love is a cruel and wild beast prone to moments of affection rather than docile, long-term cuddles with only the occasional outburst. It’s a tough mount to ride, but I’m stubborn and determined to stay on.

Every thought and feeling I have is bared here and you will likely become frustrated with me as I go right when you really want me to go left. My only apologetic offering to you is my lascivious, raunchy tales along the way. And boobs. Lots of boobs.

The story goes like this: In the fall of 2010, I separated from my ex-husband and began fucking my way through grief and sorrow finding solace in a cock between my thighs. When I felt bad, I went and fucked. Sad? Got fucked. Happy? Got fucked. It was a simple equation. I never thought much about it beyond the fact that I had a need and I wanted to fill it.

While doing all this liberal fucking my heart began to ice over. I ate men for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. In the fall of 2011 I hit a wall. I was formally divorced and the cocks weren’t filling me up so much as they were splitting me apart. I decided to take a snapshot of my dating life and follow those trails to their ends.

Originally, there were four men, more than a year later, I am still entangled with one of those men, The Neighbor. The ubiquitous young man who taunts and teases me and loves me in his own strange and distant way. I believe we are both thwarting the other’s ability to move on, but we are like helpless, rutting magnets. And I love him.

It started out as a Friends With Benefits Thing, then a Love Thing, a Pain Thing, an Angry Thing, and now a Fuck Your Best Friend Thing — which has morphed into a kind of D/s thing with some swinging thrown in for good measure.  Therefore, I was fully ensnared when I realized my feelings.

I would never have otherwise dated a man who wasn’t interested in me long-term because I’m “too much older” than him, I’m divorced, and because I have a child. I am the frog in the pot.  Ribbit.

If all this is confusing, I suggest starting at the beginning of our affair and I hope it’s more than evident that I love him despite my pain and despite my occasional anger and confusion.

My heart continues to fight for equilibrium. Life isn’t about forever. It’s about now.

::

Here are some pertinent posts about me that you may not find unless you troll through my archives. I believe they tell you a lot about me. They’re in no particular order. They just stand out significantly in my memory. A Dissolute Life Means…

And here are 11 of my most commented-on posts:

  1. I promise not to orgasm or fuck for a week.

  2. I know how to make myself squirt.

  3. He takes me for granted.

  4. Neither of us could resist.

  5. I won’t be talking about it anymore.

  6. He told me it’s over.

  7. I tripped and fell on his cock and then he called me “Sunshine.”

  8. I don’t want to be alone.

  9. I’m afraid of my secret sex blog being discovered.

  10. I wonder if my boobs make me look fat.

  11. I’m not feeling all that dissolute.

I made the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2012 List compiled by Rori of Between My Sheets.  It is quite an honor.

I encourage discourse, disagreements, and dialogue. You may email me privately or make everything public, it’s up to you. This is such a fucked up time in my life. I don’t know what I’d do without this space to create and be truly me: Hyacinth in all her ugly glory. I am a libertine.

libertine:
a person who is unrestrained by convention or morality; specifically : one leading a dissolute life
[Ed. note: If you subscribe via email, just know that what you read on the website may be subtly different. I often treat my posts like live documents and edit with each read.]

103 thoughts on “About”

  6. Pingback: Ten Facts about… « The Food and Wine Hedonist

  8. Pingback: I am [happily] promiscuous. « A Dissolute Life Means…

  11. Possibly the best blog I’ve ever stumbled upon. I found it because I was looking up how to squirt, because I’m in a similar situation as you, fucking a 27-year old unassuming badass (something about 1984-born scorpio mars boys) who’d like me to cum all over him. I’m unable to do that and feeling like I want to. I’m also an overly educated underpaid writer, single mother of 3 (well not really but I nanny for that and feel like I am) and I’m pretty sure your words are helping me to understand myself better tonight. So thank you for being good. Your chronicles are sublime and I’ll probably read them all.

    Reply

    • Wow, thanks so much! Welcome! And I hope my journey and struggles help in some way. I’d hate to think they’re all for naught :)

      Re: the squirting, good luck! I’d love to know if my tips helped at all.

      Reply

  12. Your blog confused me. At first, I thought I felt bad for you, and then I read more, and realized you crack me up. I want to have sex with you and give you a hug. I rubbed one out to your blog. I couldn’t help myself. I hope you don’t mind. And I still respected you after. Which means you definitely don’t write porn. You are something else altogether. I think you’re fucking awesome. Not sure if I should have shared that, but then again,that’s what blogging is about, I think… Keep it up!

    Reply

      • I don’t know *you*, I just know your blog. Should have clarified that. I like your free spirit, but I feel bad for single moms, since I have some fairly conservative family value beliefs, mixed with extremely liberal lifestyle and freedom of choice beliefs, mixed with other things that make me hard for society to pigeonhole with a definition. Maybe you relate to that… I have no doubt a mother can raise a kid on her own, but the world doesn’t make it easy when we have to work so damn hard to give those we care about the attention they ought to have from us. And I just love women, and am probably jealous when the sexy ones are in bed with everyone out there but me. There are reasons for that, I suppose, that I am working on. Gonna land me a hot date some day. My blog might be little more than a crazy mission for a pity-fuck, or a true love, I’m not sure. Could be something else too, as it seems to change day to day… I hope yours has a happy ending, and mine too, and not just that kind of happy ending, nyuck nyuck nyuck. Wait, blogs aren’t books, I guess they don’t really end. On and on we go! x : ) o

        Reply

        • Ah, I see. Thanks for clarifying. Live isn’t supposed to be happy all the time; I really believe that. I’m heartbroken over my current situation, but still ever the optimist. I like the whole ride, I guess.

          Your blog can be whatever it is you like. I don’t presume to get laid from mine, but if I ever did somehow – wow – that’d be pretty cool!

          And you’re right, these don’t have endings. Just fade outs. xx Hy

          Reply

          • It is very *ahem* hard, to know what to say now without entertaining the fantasy of knocking on your door someday soon. Don burn yourself out, better to fade, but burn bright while you can! Later Hy,
            -J

            Reply

              • I like you too. I’ve been getting inspiration where I find it here in the Blogdom, and find you captivating. You’ve captured my imagination here, and I appreciate it ; ) You’re as beautiful as your flowery blog namesake. xoxo

                Reply

              • It’s funny, I sent to an email to a creative noodler and mentioned my feelings about your work to her, and I said I would send you something but I was afraid you would just laugh at Mr. nice guy here. But I tried anyway, and you didn’t. Yay for me! You are fucking awesome, I knew it. I have to go to bed. Sweet dreams Hyacinth.

                Reply

              • Oh, and yes, I was entertaining the fantasy of hooking up with her too. Can’t blame a guy for trying, right? I love women.

                Reply

              • I didn’t go to bed. Instead, I wrote a fantasy about you, if you’d like to scratch it off your list. It isn’t exactly adventurous. It’s my latest post. It’s the sort of thing I like. You didn’t ask for something crazy. What about sex up in a tree? Maybe I should work on that, since I like to be in nature, and that would certainly be different, to say the least. Could be dangerous though… From your wee bit more innocent admirer here,
                -Justin, who is very new to sexy writing, so you know.

                Reply

                  • http://settingaplaninmotion.wordpress.com

                    It’s part inspiration, flash fictitious non-fictions, anti-religious sort of religious stuff, randomness, me figuring myself out, me finding inspiration where I can find it (including you, lately), artwork, getting into music, among other things…. there are some gems in there, I’d say. I’d write something more like yours, but it’s hard to make gardening sexy and exciting and emotional and all that. Basically, I have just been writing whatever comes to mind like a possessed person. It’s weird, I think…

                    Reply

                  • a noodle and I have talked a little about you and your work, by the way, I hope you don’t mind. I only do it to make other people think about some things, not to make you self-conscience or anything, as it’s only partly about you. I use you a little, in my blog, to illustrate some things, you might say. Sorry about that, if I should be. Don’t take it personally, if you happen to get there and read what I’m talking about. I’m meta-blogging, I think. Mixing the imagined people with their imaginative blogs. Your about age is going to more about me than you if you don’t delete some of this crap, you know.

                    Reply

  13. I will leave your about page alone after this :)
    I dream of a Hyacinth flower,
    a tender heart and true,
    I dream of a Hyacinth flower,
    but I would not pick you.
    If it were left to me,
    you would grow wild and free,
    to be pollinated be the bees,
    and never an angry hornet,
    that does not rhyme so well.

    Also loved that your pussy is from another planet.
    Women are from Venus and men are from Mars,
    oh how I would love to take you to the stars!

    From a dopey interweb poet whose head you have a place in now,
    -Justin

    And Hy, always go for love, even if you’re not easy to satisfy, because it is the only thing that as any hope of filling a lovely gushing pussy. Which I must say, I find to be fascinating. Just one of those things that makes us who we are. Not that my pussy squirts, but, whatever, hey, you know what I mean.

    Reply

  14. I saw your comment on Noodling’s blog which I follow and came along to enjoy some of your words. I am enjoying what you share and look forward to finding more gems. I saw the note above about sending pics, but I figure at my age, some things are better left to more youthful specimens…. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply

  16. Hi there…new follower here. I found you on WP from some of your comments on blogs I follow and came here to check yours out. I must say, this “About” page is very definitely a mirror of my post-divorce days as well. I like how you put it that the cocks were no longer “filling you up, but splitting you in half”. I totally get that….and I’m now down to about one very part time, VERY vanilla lover/playmate. Still haven’t figured out how to fill that chasm left by my failed marriage and my heart is sort of scar tissued over……looking forward to going through your posts and reading more.

    Reply

    • Hi there (again!)! I’m always curious how people find me so thanks for removing the mystery there.

      I’m happy and sad simultaneously that you can relate. It’s a tough one.

      Reply

  17. Love the blog. That new dress of the wek is amazing. You have such a way with words. My cock throbs wit each entry of your blog. Im sorry to hear about everything that is going on with you. You deserve the best. Look forward to more of you. Im so jealous of evry guy that has met you.

    Reply

  19. Your blog is the first I have ever found I could relate to! I was a divorced single mother struggling with sex ad my sexuality as well.

    I am not in a relationship of a year and half and obsessed with exploring myself and with my man sexually.

    To be a woman and have that power is purely intoxicating.

    Reply

  20. I feel like society portrays that women aren’t supposed to like sex and explore themselves. I liked sex before but was ashamed to admit it.

    When I started dating my man, I had felt emotionally sexure for the first time in my life. That also means I am comfortable to explore fantasies and sex together with him. He was pretty “vanilla” sexually when we started dating and seeing him open up and explore with me is ridiculous amazing. Sex isn’t an obligation or chore with him, its my favorite activity ever haha

    It’s so refreshing to hear someone went through the same struggles I went through to find myself. I thought I was so naughty.

    I commend you on your journey and hope you find th peace I have

    Reply

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