Life. Life kills my boner to write.
I’m currently sitting at a bar alone and all I want to do is write. Partly because I’m alone and bored, but also because the energy is filling me up, like foam from the tap. My mug spilleth over.
I feel more observant, more on point, energized. For months I have typically felt spread thin. I’m worn out, sad, hopeful, determined, grinding, slugging through. It’s a lot of emotion to sort through every day. But I rarely am filled with brimming creativity. Until moments like this.
When I’m surrounded by strangers, completely ignored.
It’s like writing pornography. I’m so turned on to write.
I was here exactly one week ago today. One of the many Chrises had texted me and wanted to see me again. We met here and talked and laughed and drank fancy hipster cocktails before walking around the hipster neighborhood and binging on sake and sushi.
He lathered me in compliments all night long. My hair, my body, my dress, my ass. He loved it all. I was sopping wet with his attention by the end of our night. Figuratively speaking.
We drove back to his house and smoked “the finest weed you can find in this town!” while I deftly avoided the inevitable. He’s not that great at sex.
The first time I blamed myself. The second time I realized it was him. But he is friendly to a fault, cute, attentive, a true pleasure to spend time with so I willed myself to relax as he began to touch me. Softly, timidly, too intimately.
When the licking, whining, cuddling dogs no longer provided enough buffer between us I decided to give it another whirl; the weed had relaxed every nerve and I floated slightly above the both of us. Let’s do this.
Upstairs he moaned as I undressed and I savored his sweet kisses. We moved better together this time, though I still yearned for more, for less thought and more abandon.
I came a time or two, eyes closed willing it to be just a bit better while trying to immerse myself in what I was actually getting. And then it was suddenly over. He’d silently cum and I’d fucking missed it, robbed of even the pleasure of his.
I asked him how he’d like it if I did that. He got the message.
We dozed sideways on his king sized bed for a minute or two before I begged off.
It was the next night when I was out with another man trying to get into a bar that I realized my ID was gone.
I looked for it everywhere – including my date’s jeans and underwear – but to no avail (though I did find a perky, willing cock).
A day or two later I called the bar from my date with the Chris and voila! They had it.
And so here I am, alone, thrumming with creativity and verve, and chatting up a handsome stranger who sat beside me while he waits for his date.
The Chris knows I’m here and will be here shortly. Maybe this time I can parlay this surge in creativity into more than just a blog post and finally get him to make some noise.
[Ed. note: He said he’d be 45 mins. Forty-five minutes in I was at 6% on my phone and texted him as much. He was on another work call, don’t wait on him, sorry. And so I left. Alone once more and robbed of the will to write yet again.]