TN

Begins: Nov 30th, 2011

1st ending: Jul 5th, 2012 (He starts up with 4 am girl)

2nd beginning: Jul 22, 2012

2nd ending: Jul 27, 2012 (He finally fucks 4 am girl)

3rd beginning: Jul 31, 2012

3rd ending: Oct 1, 2012

4th beginning: Oct 6th, 2012

I find out my friend Sara has died July 9th, 2013.  My writing slacks off a lot, but we continue to grow closer.

March 25th, 2014,  I move two minutes away and start self-hosting.  I become deeply ambivalent about my relationship with TN.

August 7th, 2014, The Neighbor chooses to move into my apartment complex.  Now we’re 3 buildings away; a short 3 minute walk apart.  It’s as close to co-habitating as I can do right now.

 

 

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  1. Hmm…. here i go again…i have no idea if you even read my first post earlier today….im not sure i am writing in the correct spot so u can read them ANYWAY or should I say ANYFUCKINGWAY………..dammit! i just read the post when you cut yourself i totally relate and in a weird way, although i broke that bad habit, get it totally as in now if i see that it usually looks foreign and strange to me like i can’t believe i used hurting myself (numbing myself) to try and help me heal….anyway not after what I have read in your journey thus far…i can remember not feeling the pain when hurting myself but then when i would wake up the next day and my arm or whatever started to hurt i wold think Oh yeah i did that shit again and then it just lingers yada yada anyway thank you for being so true and raw and as much as all this bullshit has caused pain worse than standing on hot coals you were pure enough with yourself to go through it ….without the desperate seething black hole of pain will you never realize how much joy will be experiencing again i love how u love your little boy he HAS to put a smile on your face

  2. I have to remember that there is nothing wrong with being dissolute. Especially if I hold back until I really need it to make it last. Also, I have to remember that those who are dissolute too, often won’t come right out and say so. It will be an ambush and I will be glad that I saved an hours dissolution for just this moment.

  3. One has to remember that there is nothing wrong with being dissolute. Especially if I hold back until I really need it to make it last. Like a couple of whites in my shirt pocket. Also, I have to remember that those who are dissolute too, often won’t come right out and say so. It will be an ambush and I will be glad that I saved an hours dissolution for just this moment. I’ll also take both whites. One needs to make a good impression. Especially if I want her to come back and I think I do. I’ll just have to see (really see) and listen to what she doesn’t realize she is saying!

    Oh hell, I hit the “Post Comment” twice. Probably for the best. I am sorry as I was feeling like this might be a little walk on the wild side. Come on and print it!

      • Recently I have been reading up about “Loud Sex” which most people (about 95%) treat as a joke. I’m doing it for a friend. I think she wants to turn up the volume which is currently set at zero and always has been. I wish her luck, but her chances of a “When Harry met Sally” performance are probably low. That was too loud anyway and when the Police come the 95% who feel it is a joke will laugh till they piss their pants. After an hour or so on the internet I found some very interesting information concerning the science of loud sex. Technically it should be called ‘sexual vocalization’ and is not relegated to humans alone. There are some dissolute scientists who are working on the ANSWER right now. Some of them are in the lab and some of them are deep in the jungle with the Bonobos (spelling?), our closest relatives. Those Bonobos are dissolute and DEVIOUS. Just like us Humans. If the Lady Bonobo has a ‘top ranking’ relationship with the Alpha male she screeches and carries on just like some of the more ‘gifted’ among us. She also makes ‘monkey sex faces’. On the way home she spies a young and buff Bonobo she has had an eye for since he was but a ‘teenager’. Into the bushes they go. The Lady knows that the Alpha Male is still within earshot so SHE TURNS OFF THE VOLUME. However, she still makes Monkey SEX FACES! The ‘Loud Sex’ is all that is missing and she is still loving it! What a devious relative!

        Today we learned that there is a voluntary aspect to Loud Sex, at least with Bonobos! Perhaps my friend doesn’t need to worry so much about being quiet as a mouse (who are not quiet). This leads to another question which should have been the first question. Just who is the LOUD SEX FOR? There are many unanswered questions and more than a couple of opinions.

        This leaves us with a long departed Egyptian man who has been gone for about 3,500 plus years. He writes to his beloved and it is in context with LOUD SEX. “To hear your voice is pomegranate wine to me”. Context is everything (maybe). Perhaps my friend could very slowly turn up the volume. Very slowly. Perhaps ‘fake’ will slowly morph into real. My advice on volume? Keep it within a realistic level and make ‘Monkey Faces’!