So Gillian is gone, essentially dead to the internets. The woman we knew as Gillian Colbert, and who was the hub of our little community, evaporated into thin air like a ghost. And I miss her. A lot.

There was something special about her. Not only did she write gut-wrenchingly personal posts about self-discovery, the pain of her childhood abuse, and her struggle to rewire her maladaptive thinking, she was also delightfully pervy, open-minded and cheeky. She spread love everywhere.

Sometimes it was tough, sometimes it was gooey, but we all were blessed with a heaping coating of it from time to time on our crusty little blogs.

I feel her absence on my blog and on all of yours. Where is that calm, rational, big sisterly voice of reason, perversion, and a little circumstance? I never knew it was so important to me until it disappeared in a poof of smoke.

It’s made me think about everyone left behind, how much I care about all of you and your individual voices. I’ve mentioned before how much you all mean to me and how you’ve helped me hobble along during a period in my life that I’d sooner forget. Your words, little black footprints in my mind’s eye, are more powerful than I’d ever dreamed. Missing Gill (as I was wont to call her) reminds me that shit can get real even though most of it is worked through anonymous imagination and it makes me want to reach out and gather you all up in my arms and make sure you know how I feel about you.

If this is speaking to you at all, whether you have a blog or not, then you are one of those people I’m talking about. I want to get to know you all better and continue to be plugged in. It took me a while here on WP to really “get” what I had walked into. There were months of unreturned and unacknowledged comments because I didn’t really believe what I was reading. And then I got ushered into the arms of Gillian’s world and I finally saw what was right before me: friends. Good friends. Accepting, non-judgmental, kinky, wonderfully talented and perverted people, just like me with hearts and thoughts and many an opinion to spare and all more than willing to share and open up and be a part of my fucked up life.

So, I’d like to raise a glass to my dear, sweet friend, Gillian, whom I miss terribly, but also to whom I owe so much for putting me in front of you all. To Gillian, to you, me, and us, and to the wonderful world of 1s and 0s. I love you all dearly and, Gillian, I wish you the best up there in the stars with the other angels. You are good.

xx

Hy