I accidentally pooped on a dude.

That’s right. You read that correctly. I. pooped. on. a. dude.

A tragic sentence that played on a constant loop in my head for about 48 hours after the fact.

Here’s the thing. It was an accident – a total fucking accident. I didn’t mean to shit on a dude. A warm, muscle-y, big-cocked fellow whose bodily treats really brought the shat upon himself. I swear. The poop, it came out of my butt, and went on another living human being quite completely by accident. OHMYFUCKINGGOD. I can’t believe this happened to me!

But if he hadn’t bucked so hard inside of me; if he hadn’t had such a deliciously big cock that knocked my g-spot right off the map; if I hadn’t stayed on top so long; and if I hadn’t moved to the goddamned chair this never would have happened.

So here’s the deal — the God’s honest truth — SHIT REALLY DOES HAPPEN. And here’s how it all went down:

Jake had me from his first email: “You seem really cool and I love what you wrote. What do you think about a drink and some conversation? No expectations.”

There’s something about a man who says he expects nothing that makes me want to give him everything. It’s a balance of power and it’s just fucking cool.

We’d exchanged texts for a week or so, nothing too exciting, but I determined that he a) could punctuate correctly in a text (always sexy) and b) he was as cool as his initial email.

Turned out, though, our schedules weren’t matching up. All we could manage was a brief afternoon meeting at 2:30 on a Thursday at a bar near my house. And he had to leave at 5 to go out of town.

He was handsome and tan, sporting a Marine-short haircut. We hugged hello, sized each other up. I liked what I saw. The feeling was mutual.

He kept my hand full of Lone Stars and we braved the heat to share a couple of smokes; laughed and talked almost non-stop. At 5 he says, “Well, I can either hit the road or we can go to your place for a little while.” I opted for the latter, naturally.

I was excited. I’d never really done this before. I had a very strong feeling that to meet him was to fuck him, and I don’t usually. It’s too brazen, even for me. But his easy charm and warm smile put me at ease and I felt comfortable letting my Sex Freak flag fly high.

Once in my apartment I got us some water and we sat on my couch. I don’t even know how it happened, but we were all over each other. I was inordinately excited to take his socks offs. We laughed.

I wasn’t laughing when his jeans came off, though.

I think I may have growled when I saw his big cock standing straight up for me. Or maybe not. I don’t know. But I fell on it with my face like it would turn back time or something.

Immediately he says, “Jesus Christ, that’s awesome.” I murmured acknowledgment around his thick shaft. His balls warm and heavy in my hand, his silky head pliant under my tongue. I sucked harder.

He pushed me back and told me to take off my dress. I fumbled with the ties and trappings.

“You wanna fuck me, Hyacinth?”

“Yes. Very much so,” I answered with a smile. I recaptured his cock in my mouth and then released it, trailed kisses up his torso, nibbled his muscular shoulder and kissed him deeply.

He asked for his pants and pulled out a Magnum, swiftly rolled it down onto himself. I climbed up and slid down. The second my thighs reach his, when his shaft is buried deep inside me to the hilt, I drenched us.

We fucked like animals every which way: me on top, on the bottom, on hands and knees, on my belly. He grabbed my throat and pulled my hair repeatedly. My pussy was a goddamned river and my makeup looked like I was headed to an ICP concert.

“Can I fuck you in that chair?” and he motioned to my bowl-shaped lounge chair.

“Yes, of course “ I said between heaving breaths. “Have at it.” (And here is where I lost my goddamned mind. I had already felt that weird tingling sensation in my hips from the g-spot pounding and I KNOW that means bad things. I’d felt that numb feeling in the past, called off the sex and gone to the bathroom because I could smell something icky only to find a tiny mess on toilet paper. I’d been smart with the other two men this had ever happened with. Not so with Jake. I was clearly stupid-horny and so I pressed on. I think I figured that since only one of the two clues (just the numbness, not the smell) was present that I was in the clear.)

We moved to the new (dry) piece of furniture and he seated himself like on a king on a thrown: knees splayed, arms resting comfortably away from his body.

This chair is THE fucking chair. Something about its width and recline make it a great support for a man and its plush finish gentle for a woman’s knees and thighs. It’s wide enough to spread my legs just a little too far taking most of my control away. I am at the mercy of the man in this chair, and until yesterday, only Troy had ever fucked me in it that I can recall. And I was fucking excited to be in it again.

I rode him for several minutes, my ejaculate sprayed us as we slipped and slid all over each other, my D tits swung in his face and slapped his cheeks. His hands were all over me, grabbing me, pinching me, wrapped in my hair and around my neck. His kisses were searing.

“I want you to cum on me,” I whispered into his ear as his cock pounded into me. And then: QUIET PANIC. I smelled something. OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK.

“I want to cum in your mouth,” he countered. WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK!!

At this point, I know something has happened, but I’m certain he hasn’t smelled anything. I’m thinking that it’s just something I can smell, something on my bottom, nothing major. When he got up to switch positions with me I saw some poop on my chair. I threw myself down on it in time for him to sidle up to my mouth. THERE WAS SHIT ON HIS THIGH AND BALLS.


I deftly grabbed his cock with one hand and my mouth and with my other swiped the crap away. Voila! [Nearly] clean slate!

I sucked and licked and stroked with everything I had. Horrified on the one hand, determined to get him to cum so this nightmare could finally end on the other.

When he came he told me he was about to and he groaned or grunted or moaned or whatever it was he did as he left a hot, sticky little gift in my mouth. (And some of my own shit in my left hand which I’d kept down by my side out of the mix the entire time.)

I lay on my back, on top of the little shit streak on the chair panting. Glad I’d managed to pull it off. He grabbed a tea towel I had on my coffee table and handed it to me, but not before saying, “Uh oh, something a little messy…” and wiped (what I assumed to be) a fleck of poo off my belly. GODDAMNIT. I was so close!

I asked him to get me a glass of water and when he left for the kitchen I frantically wiped my hand clean and looked for any other mess left behind. When he came back he asked if he could take a shower before he took off. Of course I said yes.

While he was in the shower I ran around like a crazy person scrubbing my hand and throwing the towel away, scrubbing the shit out of the chair. OHJESUSFUCKINGCHRIST.

He apologized profusely for having to leave right away once he was out, but frankly I couldn’t have cared less. He gave me a big hug and a kiss goodbye and that was the last I ever saw or heard of him.

Oh God. Even now this story is mortifying and hilarious all at once. I’ve told 4 of my best girlfriends and they’ve all been in fits, tears streaming down their faces. “It only happens to you, Hyacinth!” they snort between guffaws.

And it’s true.

I immediately ran to the internets to research. Turns out I’m not the only one to whom this has happened and, depending on the partner and person, it ranges from something completely my fault and I’m a (literally) dirty whore or I was just a well-pleasured and unlucky woman. Either way, I found solace in the shared experience.

Which is why I’ve decided to start keeping track of these ridiculous stories here.

I pooped on a dude. And lived to tell about it.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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112 thoughts on “I accidentally pooped on a dude.
    1. Well, to be fair, I’ve only found comrades in poo online. None of my irl friends have ever had this happen to them outside of anal (and really, who cares if there’s poo then? You’re sorta asking for it on some level, right?? haha).

      But yes! Definitely be nice! xx

  1. Okay, so I figured to be fair I should start at the beginning, and…


    I can tell this is going to be a blog to visit in stages!

    This happened to me, except in reverse. I literally fucked the shit out of her. I don’t think she knows, to this day. Mortifying and hilarious.

    1. Heh. That poop post is the only one of its kind, I assure you (and thank god), but what do you mean “visit in stages”? And what did you do when you fucked the shit out of her?? I’d love to hear the other side of this.

      1. Oh I just mean I will not be able to read this non-stop for fear of adverse pantaloonical reaction. Wink wink wink.

        And I finished her off, natch. I am a gentleman.

        Then I ran screaming (inside voice) to the loo.

  2. OMG! I can’t stop laughing!… which then makes me feel like a horrible, horrible person for laughing! But Geezusfuckingchrist!… I would have Died. Right there. God love you for managing to finish the fun!

    I’ve so had that numb “oh shit” feeling before…but just without the actual shit.

    Note to self : when numb feeling occurs. Stop! Or blindfold him…

    1. HAHAHA. Don’t feel bad! It’s totally worth a good laugh!! And yes, when you feel that numbness, for the love of all that is holy, STOP! :)

  3. This happened to me last summer with this girl I met online. We had gone at it a few times, she was a squirter too but nothing messy until I spent the weekend with her at her house.

    The sex was amazing and plentiful as usual, she was riding me on top and I felt that warm trickle down my balls which is an amazing feeling I haven’t felt since but then there was the smell…

    Just as I was turning her over doggy style I noticed it, it was on my thigh. All i said was ‘you might wan’t to clean your self off’. She was embarrassed and did, I finished. I left the next day. Never saw her again. Never spoke of it til now.

  4. I love that you posted this….and now you know my “dirty little secret”…it has happened to me and mostly due to childbirth leftovers (muscles that never healed). I live in constant fear and have to be careful not to completely “let go” when the sex is really good..which is sometimes hard since I am also a squirter and the 2 things seem related since I need to relax those muscles completely in order to squirt. Oh dear, much sharing here…..

      1. It is as embarrassing and post-coital hilarious as you have noted. I also get comments often from friends along the lines of “that shit would only happen to you”….pun intended

  5. It’s happened to me about 7 times, always when squirting and thank god always with guys I was in LTR with. Still humiliating and mortifying though. I’ve had three kids. Don’t know if that plays a part or not.

    The first time it happened was the worst. I think it was in the first week I was having sex with that guy. It can suck a lot. It makes it hard for me to let go (which is essential when squirting) because I don’t want it to happen again.

    1. I feel the exact same way! I hadn’t always been a squirter but the second guy I had sex with, once I realized I could do it, I shat in the hotel bed. He didn’t say anything, that is if even noticed and I didn’t notice until after he left. There was smell but it didn’t really smell like shit. I’m thinking that it was because I was wasted from the hotel wedding reception and I pushed a lil too hard when I orgasm’d.

  6. I’ve been reading this title in my emails forever…I never got here to check this out. Poop happens. You know I never, EVER say “pussy” but I think that guy was a big ole pussy to run like that. As if his shit didn’t stink! How fucking delicate he is! No big loss, you already have a pussy of your own! :)

    Poop Bisous (ICK!)

    1. Dawn! Hahahaha I actually thought he handled it with aplomb. He never let on he knew and the arrangement was for him to leave by 5 anyway (& if I recall, it was close to 5:30 at the time). Anyway, no loss. I was just mortified for a few days. Now it’s just a ridiculous memory :)

          1. I wish we could talk more privately. I have something to share that I think you’ll understand. I need help. I need control, of which I have none.

  7. I had this happen to me for the second time about 4 months ago. The first time was not that bad, was just a llittle bit, and I just told her to go clean up… But this last time, will stick with me forever.

    I was behind her, giving her all I had, and as man, you like to take. Look at what you are doing. Kind of like watching game tape in live action. Well after a bit of me and her going at it, I finally decided I wanted to take a look.

    What I saw can never be unseen. She was literally shutting out as I was looking. Fighting back the urge to throw up, I told her she needed to go to the bathroom, because I think she might be bleeding. So she ran off while I cleaned the shit off of me(namely my dick) and gathered my sheets and comforter to throw in the wash. She came out as if she had no idea what had happened, so I maintained the bleeding story so she wouldn’t die of embarrassment.. And who says chivalry is dead?

    Anyway, for about the next 4 days, that’s all I could think of every time I got hard. A truthfully traumatic experience. I’m glad you handled yours like a boss!

  8. Hy, I love your blog and this story stuck with me… especially since this happened to me this morning with hubby! He was suuuuper nice about it… gotta love him for that!

  9. OMG Hyacinth…you had me laughing so hard at how you described every moment because I am sooooo “you”. I too have had this happen to me….unfortunately a few times though :( same mortified feeling….knowing I did when I “smelled” it and tried so desperately hard to continue like a champ all the while trying to shoo it away or hide it while performing but would always get my lover “chuckling” and saying….what are you doing? You trying to hide that? OMG….I was soooooo horrified. Luckily my lover is not easily grossed out and prefers the wet, wild, dirty, messy and amazing sex we have over the tiny mess after. For some reason I find this only happens after I have “squirted” over and over again with him. Perhaps it’s because when we woman have female ejaculation we bare down in order to feel the sensation build and then drench our man that it relaxes the anus and then “oops” happens. Sometimes now though I’m actually scared to allow myself to lose control and squirt for fear of the dreaded nugget. It’s so damn embarrassing. But….it can’t be all bad if my lover still craves me all the time :D I’m just mortified if I ever have to be with another man. I love sex…love to please and be pleased. Love getting to that point I drench us because several men find it such a turn on…..but I think I’d hold back from enjoying again 100% with someone new because of this fear…..unless like you….I never had to see him again then who cares….shit happens lol. Thanks for posting…..I thought I was alone.

    1. Sarah, you’re very welcome! I posted this precisely because the second that dude left I was on the Internet trying to find out if I was a freak or not and I wanted to let other women know they weren’t alone. I’ve been lucky that it hasn’t happened since, but that’s not to say it couldn’t again! Ugh!

      And maybe it’s just this particular lover’s shape, size and style that makes you poo and you have nothing to worry about in the future. There’s always that possibility!

      1. I’m beginning to see a pattern….it seems to go hand in hand with squirting. And I find it’s only after I have squirted “A LOT” (and after a few hours of sex)…..must be from having to “let go” in order to do so. Just wish the anus didn’t decide to let go also lol. I don’t want to give up squirting either because…OMFG it’s amazing and my lovers is so aroused by it. I am wondering if I should invest in a butt plug so I can squirt away without fear hahahaha.

  10. i think shiting goes hand in hand with squirting and luckly for it hasnt happened to me but i usually get the shitty feeling n hold back.try to always empty ya bowels before you go at it.i found it so halarious but what about?shit happens.

  11. holy shit this happened to me today and reading this article brought upon much needed empathy. I feel relieved in knowing it happens. as you said shit happens. omg horrifying none the less.

      1. Oh my God, you had me in freakin stitches reading this! Something just as embarrassing happened to me today, and like you, I took to the internet looking for some consolation. I think what happened to me might even more embarrassing. I’ve been having this crazy passionate love affair with a guy at work. During our lunch break we’ll often have make out sessions in my office. So, this morning I pooped at work. Just a little background- when I gave birth to my son I had an episiotomy. My taint was sensitive for so long that I got used to wiping a whole different way. Instead of front to back, I avoid the taint by using one little piece of toilet paper for my vag first, and then another for my butt. I know, not the best order probably. Well, what I think happened this morning was that I reached a little too far back and caught a little piece of poop with the toilet paper that I then pulled into the pubic hair of my vag. I didn’t notice it a half hour later when my lover decides to stick his hand down my pants. A few minutes into it, I smell shit, look down at my belly and notice a brown spot. Same reaction as you- holyfuckingshit! I say I have to pee and run to the bathroom, clean myself up, and wonder how I could pull off just staying in that bathroom forever. So I come back to the office, and he says nothing, and we proceed. He makes me come, and I think I might have just gotten away with it. However, as I look at his hands, I notice he has some shit encrusted in the nail of his middle finger. FUCK! Still, he says nothing until he returns to my office an hour later and says “Do you mind if I ask you a very personal, potentially embarrassing question”? Well, you can just imagine where the conversation went after that. It’s been hours and I am still completely mortified. I have to see this guy tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. How long will it take before I don’t want to hide my head in the sand!? Why did this happen with a man!? The only fucking time its ever happened, and it had to be on the rare morning that I get fingered at work!? WTF!?

  12. this happened today for the third time, I am mortified. I don’t know why it happens sometime but not all the time, always when I am squirting. My partner is understanding but I wonder how he really feels about it. Who wants this to happen all the time?

  13. thanks so much for sharing your story. i’ve just recently noticed that i get this uncontrollable sensation of needing to fart, poo and pee all at once when i am in girl on top position. i can’t let go because of the fear – and i have been unable to control teeny little farts that escape. of course, i went to the internet to find out what it’s about, and more importantly – what can be done. there are no real answers but it is good to find out that there are others who feel this. it also seems that it tends to occur in girl on top positions. perhaps with legs more splayed out (my guy is physically big so perhaps the position of being more spread out) plus a larger sized cock has something to do with it.
    it’s a real nuisance! thank you for sharing. i laughed out loud and i found some solace in knowing someone’s story.

    1. Bianca, I’m so glad my story made you feel less alone. Sex is a messy business! I wonder if you’re right about being splayed open more in your case. Good luck!!

  14. I am a dude that has been shit on! The wife and I were having anal sex one afternoon. One cool thing about my wife and anal is that she has super orgasms from it which is the only reason she will do it, however rare the occasion because she thinks it is disgusting. Anyway there i am behind her on my knees and i can tell she is on the verge, so i start going in a little further and harder. She starts having a great orgasm, and immediately says, “you should stop now”, but I’m in animal mode, thinking she can’t mean that because she is cumming, and I just keep on rolling…after less than 10 more “plunges” on the out stroke she shit on my dick. Luckily I realized what was happening, and I did not pull all the way out immediately, so all that got on me was on my dick, balls, and right around my abdomen right above my dick, because if i had pulled out she was shitting with velocity and would have sprayed it all over me due to how she was angled. I wouldn’t voluntarily let her shit on me on purpose, but looking back it was kind of hot because she was shitting and cumming at the same time!

  15. I’m amazed to hear of all these women who are squirters. I had the great pleasure of dating a girl in my younger years who used to squirt so much we ruined several of my mattresses. She came a lot, soaked a twin bed top head to foot and side to side (it was one of those afternoons when the roommates were gone). I’ve never encountered another woman who squirted at all, and I have missed that. Talk about a confirmation of your manhood! Getting your girl to squirt all over the bed is amazing.

    I always thought it was a very isolated phenomenon. After reading here (very funny, BTW), I am amazed and hope that I can find another woman who can release like that, though not necessarily with the brown element. She never had that happen, but we were both 19 and in great shape, no kids and no effects of aging yet.

    It’s good to hear people handling awkward sexual situations admirably. Maybe good people are just better lovers! Works for me!

  16. I just found this because this guy put his penis in my butt and it ended up with shit on it, he won’t talk to me and thinks I’m gross. I just don’t want him to tell people. I’m just happy to know that it happens to other people and not only me .

      1. Thanks I definitely wont. I just dont understand why a guy would be so rude after do something that I tried to get out of several times, he wanted to do it,and I got annoyed so I just agreed. So its his fault it happened. Its just irritating.

  17. OMG, Ladies!
    I feel so much better reading these stories!!
    Was introduced to a guy last week who was supposed to help me get over a ravaged heart. Totally not my type but into sex so I thought to impress him with my newly discovered squirting ability and show him just how much I was enjoying his fingers on my g-spot. Well, we all know what happenned then.
    We spent another satisfying hour in bed but I haven’t heard from again. It’s only been 3 days but I am kind of guessing that was it. Disappointed but I will say that my complete and total mortification and obsessive concern over the incident has almost made me forget that my heart and soul were ripped out by another mere weeks ago. What my mother would call a silver lining but we won’t be sharing this story with her.

  18. Thank you Hyacinth! Your story makes me feel slightly better about what happened to me last night.

    I have been hooking up with the same sexy guy for about six months now. After a good month or so of not seeing him, he finally texted me for a little fun last night. I was so excited about seeing him that I spent a good three hours getting ready for our sexy play date. When I got to his apartment, he answered the door in some low-slung sweat pants and no shirt, showing off his perfectly sculpted CrossFit body. We sat on the couch and attempted small talk for about two minutes before I finally just pulled his pants down and started going to town on him. He has one of the biggest, most beautiful dicks I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. He is a real fan of the fact that I am a super soaker so he laid me down on the couch and used his hand on me fast and hard until I gushed. It wasn’t until he stopped that I realized that there was something SERIOUSLY wrong. I asked him to go grab me some water and as soon as he walked away to the kitchen, (which is about ten feet away and in plain sight due to his open plan apartment) I stood up and looked down at his leather couch in horror at a small, stinky puddle of poop! I panicked and had no idea what to do so I scooped as much of it as I could into one hand and ran out onto his balcony and flung it! He asked me if I was okay as I ran out the door and from his balcony I watched him through the shades as he approached the couch. He recoils from the spot that I was sitting and immediately knows what has happened. I am completely mortified standing naked on his balcony with a shitty, stinky hand. There’s even a bit of poo on the ground on his balcony which I’m sure he’ll find sooner than later. He comes to the door and tells me to come back into the apartment and I immediately ran to the bathroom where I hid for a good 20 minutes trying to clean myself up. When I finally came out, he was calmly sitting on the couch after, I am assuming, cleaning my wet spot and whatever crap was left on it. His clothes were back on and he was nice enough to tell me that it wasn’t a big deal and that it was okay but at this point, I’d rather jump off his fourth floor balcony than ever look him in the eye again. He told me as he poured me a glass of straight vodka (at my request) that obviously, we were not going to be having sex but that I was welcome to sit and hang out for a bit. I sat next to him on the couch, drank my drink silently in humiliation and got up and told him I had to leave. As he walked me to the door, I was fighting back tears and instead of saying goodbye, a whimper is all that left my mouth as I walked out the door. I immediately started sobbing in the elevator and didn’t stop until I finally fell asleep many hours later. Needless to say, I think I need to find a new friend with benefits because I don’t think that Mr. Sexy will be calling me any time soon.

    1. Omg, girl! I’m dying for you! Lol You did what you could — it wasn’t your fault! — but he should’ve been much kinder about it. You’ll be happy to hear it’s never happened again to me since I wrote this post!

      1. Well, at least now I know about this “numb” feeling you described. It’s nothing I’ve ever experienced before but in hindsight, I know exactly what you mean. He was being particularly aggressive and made me come harder than I think I ever have but that little surprise was just not worth it! So from now on, numb = no!! Haha.

  19. I have to say, reading this has made me feel a bit more at ease. Just last night, I shat on my bf during sex :'( I don’t know what it was that made it happen. This is the first time it’s ever happened to me and I’ve never met anyone this has happened to. I was (and still am) so MORTIFIED!!! I know it’s all either of us thought about all day, but tried not to talk about. Then, finally, when we layed down to bed earlier, we got to talking about it, and he said he googled it this morning.. He actually GOOGLED it!!! Can you believe that. He said, “It’s actually not as uncommon as you might think.”

    I think the Ambien I had taken before, plus his cock and my amazing orgasm was, I suppose, not the best combination, it turns out.. But I just wanted to thank you for sharing this. I decided to Google it also,and thought it might make me feel better. Even if only a smidge :/ He still loves me, and laughs about it, THANKFULLY. But I just hope nothing like this ever, EVER happens again!!!

  20. So funny reading this…but it’s happened to me too…met up with a guy for some drinks,ended up back at mine…very hot and very horny…I’m a squirter too which he loved and hade suirting like you wouldn’t believe…doggy style..hard and deep and fast and he stops and just days babe you’ve shit…absolutely mortified…but also very drunk…he grabs a towel and wipes me clean and carries on fucking me like an animal…
    The following morning he jokes about it And I’m still embarrassed but he’s fine…we meet up again a couple of days later and he’s hot his head between my legs and I gushing all over him and again I slip out a little nugget again…it’s happened almost every time I have had rough,hard sex with him…in the shower once and I’m bent against the wall and he’s using his fingers on me and hey…there’s a piece of shitvon his hand….not good but he was never bothered…infact he used to say’am I going to be wearing tomorrow’s shit later?’ Ive never had it happen to me before him and he did have a really big,thick cock so I blamed him for it….the problem now is that im not with him any more and I am a very sexual person and I love fucking…and I love rough sex… But I’m scared to death of it happening again…I can’t let go during sex now…I haven’t squirted for a whole now because I know that pressure to release will more than likely make me shit :(

    1. Damn, girl! I’d suggest an quick enema before sex if you’re super worried about it, but maybe it won’t happen with other men. It’s never happened to me again since that one time.

  21. Thank you, you fucking beautiful soul for letting me know I’m not the only one. I literally just pooped on my wonderful boyfriend who was totally understanding. He tried so hard not to be grossed out… I, of course, started crying and couldn’t believe what had just come out of my ass. Then he said, “well, I can’t say you don’t poop anymore.” As if after 3 years together he hadn’t figured that out already

  22. Well it happened to me but my bf had a scat fetish. i dumped him right there. pardon the pun

  23. This is great that you could share this story. It gives a bit of help to the other women out there its happened too. Speaking of this happened to my wife during a threesome. I was giving her doggy and her friend kacey was below eating her out (just a good fuck all around) and I start to smell something and stop but non chalant get a towel to wipe for my wife(as it would have embarrassed her to death with kacey being our first threesome partner) and kacey was a mutual friend of ours and goes “what’s that smell?” as I reply “I farted…hey how bout y’all take a shower and let me watch y’all play with each other to liven it back up eh?” Got so much good karma pussy for that from my wife. Can’t help your bodily functions sometimes,don’t be embarrassed the guy might be complimented that he ACTUALLYA FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU lol. Either way she was mortified but found out later that it was because I had stretched her ass out too much a few days before from anal so get checked up on the back door if this problem persists. Me and the wife had to hang up the anal towel for health reasons (8inch cock 3in thick) but she pays back in kind so I’m still getting it good. Thanks for the story my wife thought she was all alone too.

  24. I just found this post and had to share that this happened to my wife and I while we were dating. She was on top and I was very deep inside her while also playing with her clit. She came so hard I thought she was going to chop off my penis the clench was so strong. Simultaneously she pooped on me. She was mortified but at the same time overcome with having her best orgasm ever.

    Luckily or maybe not on our first date at my sister’s house, my sister of all people proceeds to tell an embarrassing poop story about me that occurred as an adult (long story but I had a bad public poop episode). I was devastated that my girlfriend would never want to see me again. She was my hero when she calmly told me to relax and that she remembers the book “Everybody poops.” I was relieved and we laughed.

    So fast forward to her pooping on me I told her a thousand times not be upset, that it made me feel awesome that I could make her poop from not being able to control herself from that much pleasure. I must have been a one hit wonder though because she hasn’t pooped on me ever again haha.

    Thanks for sharing your story!

  25. I needed this post so much today. The same happened to me last night, only I was being vigorously fingered to within an inch of my life to the point I feel like I blacked out. Then I hear, “Erm Lauren, don’t stress… But I think you’ve pooed yourself”.
    He was so gracious about it, thank god, but it happened and I was mortified and I can’t stop thinking about it.
    So glad it’s not just me this has happened to. And that he was so un-phased we had sex three more times!

  26. Oh my goodness. I came here because of the Article Jane (Behind The Chintz Curtain) about post delivery vaginas. I’m so sorry I missed this one previously. It’s fantastic and just what I needed to get me started for the day.

    Thank you for your honesty and openness. It’s not something that has personally happened to me, but something I know is more common than most let on. Kudos to you for handling the situation like a champ.
    Beck recently posted…Cal Exotics Scandal Over the Bed CrossMy Profile

  27. This story is so funny – but bravo to you for being so awesome to post it, and tell the story so awesome-ly!

  28. This happened to me lastnight ! With my bf I was so fucken embarrassed I started to cry ! I didn’t think it was normal but he was cool with it and understanding thank god for him but anyways I thought this wasn’t normal ? Do you know why it happens ?

  29. This happened to me lastnight ! With my bf I was so fucken embarrassed I started to cry ! I didn’t think it was normal but he was cool with it and understanding thank god for him but anyways I thought this wasn’t normal ? Do you know why it happens ? Your post really helped me and the comments

  30. So this just happened to me. So confused.. she was on top. She rode me then said I thrusted to hard. She kept going. She got off and didn’t notice anything until we went to separate bathrooms to clean up. W..t..actual…fuck. it was brown like mud at the base of my cock. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t say anything cleaned up. We fished our movie we were “watching” and then said she should go. I walked her out and said nothing about the discovery I found. I don’t know if she knew. I don’t think it could be anything else.

    1. I am so glad I came across this!
      I was with my lover (who I haven’t seen for months) and he gave me 2 intense orgasms. Right after we start doing anal, he’s about to finish pills out and I hear, “Oh no, no, no” he is covered in poo!!!!!
      We take a shower and do it again and I notice MORE came out. OmG!!! I was mortified, humiliated and I left. Hardly kissed him.
      I told him I could never see him again because I was so embarrassed and he thought he did something wrong. He reassured me it was an accident. I really don’t expect to hear from him again. But at least he was nice about it?

  31. Yup. At my oldest friend’s wedding I hooked up with the best man. We were both definitely the worse for wear from liquor, but also I am lactose-intolerant and had heedlessly eaten all the whipped cream etc that was on offer. I was squatting on top and riding his estimable cock, and dripped a small, runny puddle of shit onto the top of his thigh. I smelled it and froze. Admonishing him not to move, I high-tailed it to the bathroom, got a couple of nice warm (white, hotel) washcloths, and cleaned him and myself. He was really pretty drunk and I’m not entirely sure if he noticed…

  32. In the 6+ years since you wrote this, and in all the comments from the various people, nobody has asked “So, what’s the big deal?”.

    In any intimate encounter, there’s the chance/likelihood of saliva, mucus, male ejaculate, female ejaculate, menstrual blood, urine, or fecal matter (did I miss any?). None of which wouldn’t be fixed by quickly popping into the shower, so as to allow the fun to continue.

    I’m having a really hard time trying to understand how such a thing could be horrifying, mortifying, etc. which makes me think I’d end up looking quite the fool as I fail to react in a similar situation if the other person is freaking out.

    In any case, I still laughed, but only at your reaction to the incident.

  33. Thank you for being brave enough to share this- I have found almost nothing when searching about this, and it’s an issue that has made me not want to have sex ever again/makes me suicidal after the fact

    I am so glad to have found someone else who knows what this feels like (I am 21)

  34. This literally happened to me this morning at a guys house. I have seen him a few times and I was so mortified. But he didnt say anything and we sort of cleaned up together and he still wants to see me again soooo… I never knew this had happened to other girls and it’s been plaguing me all day

  35. I highly doubt you read replies to this post anymore but I just wanted to say THANK YOU for this :) I am a squirter especially with gspot orgasms and a little poo will come out sometimes :) It happened last night with a new guy amd he was repulsed amd does not want to see me again. I have been feeling a little bad about myself but this post has helped me feel better that it happens to other women!

  36. Happened to me many times. However i’m the guy who has had this happen with a few girls. I used to fool around with this woman (she was about 15 years older than I) I was 25 and I literally used to fuck the shit out of her all the time! She’d squirt, cum like cream cheese and after a while I used to make her cum so hard she’s just shit all over. At first I used to act like nothing happened but then we kinda got into it. Didn’t really bother me too much. I used to fuck her pussy and make her squirt 4-5 times then I’d really go to town. Balls slapping her asshole and all. Then the shit would just start flowing I’d fuck her ass, bust a huge load in it and she would just clean me off a little and clean me up with her mouth. The sex was incredible. I’m 50 now and still to this day I think about it.

  37. I don’t even know if this is still checked, but thank GOD I found this thread.

    I’m recently divorced and a guy I met who’s well endowed financially and physically flew me to see him. I was SO into him, he was very generous in bed, I just could not get enough of him or his dick so I get on top. Full on best sex ever, and to be desired after a crappy marriage, here it comes, I can feel the most intense orgasm, flooding the bed…. and then I smell it.

    No, no nononononoo.

    He looks up and says “Are you okay!?” I’m like, what? He says, “you just shit the bed!” In what I can describe only as a blur of horror I jump up grab all the bedding and run it out to the hotel hallway, he showers, I sit on the floor bawling my eyes out. I want to die, right there. Please someone stake me through the heart. Why now? Why with him? Why when I just want this to be fun and liberating.

    I start packing my bag, I cannot look him in the face. This had NEVER happened. He comes out and he’s like, “what are you doing?” “Leaving, I am so embarrassed (sobbbbbing!)” He rubs my shoulders and explains it was obviously an accident and to get back in bed – a bed with no bedding. I do shower then put on the hotel robe and go down to the lobby to ask for more bedding, its all so mortifying. I also got a bottle of wine because I don’t want to be mentally present. I get back in bed, he stares at me, I cry. He continues to tell me not to worry about it, lets forget it, but that is ALL I can worry about. Then we talk, he turns me over, fucks me, and I am clenching for dear life. Nothing comes out praise the Lord.

    He cuddles me in the morning before work. We have sex again the next night, though I won’t dare get on top because again, I’m scarred for life. The entire next few days I feel so bad and just totally introvert, I was so awkward and I’m sure he just feels sorry for me. How could he possibly be turned on by me. I can’t even believe it.

    As I’m leaving he says “We’ll catch up soon.” Doubt I’ll ever see him again, so sitting here in my “I can’t believe I ruined that” pity party on the daily, thank you for making me feel not like a total failure.

    1. Omg, girl, you are so not alone! And I’m happy to report that it never happened to me again after that one time, though I’ll
      Admit to always being VERY aware of what’s going on back there lol. But there’s NOTHING to be ashamed about! The second was so good, you literally lost your shit!! xx Hy

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