I just came hard to Stairway to Heaven.

Today has been mildly miserable for me.

After yesterday’s post about no one wanting to invest an entire day with me (I get about 5 hour increments from everyone) I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking.  It’s 7:23 pm on Valentine’s Day as I type and not one of my lovers has even said hello to me today.  NOT ONE.  I have fucking four.

And here’s the tidy little corner I’ve painted myself into.  I said, “Here are the rules, fellas!  No feelings!  No monogamy!  No staying the night!  No affection!”  And now, after months of spending time with them (mostly The Neighbor) I  – you guessed it – have feelings!  might want monogamy!  want to stay the night!   want affection!

Fuck my goddamned fucking life.

Therefore, this godforsaken asshole “holiday” only serves to remind me of the play I’ve written in which I’m its fucking star; alone and not nearly fucked enough because of my parallel desire to slow it the fuck down.  It’s taking all I have to NOT go out and find a cock tonight.  Right now.  See if I can do it.  But, I want to be real, to be me, to continue on this journey of feelings, blah blah fuckity fuck fuck blah.

Also, I just came so hard I squirted on myself because I’m bathed in lavender, clean, with my argyle pink socks on with no one to do and nowhere to go so why not go fuck the shit outta myself?  And to Stairway to Heaven?  So awesome.

The Neighbor said he might be able to hang out tonight since he couldn’t yesterday, but I haven’t heard a peep from him and I’ve promised myself I’m not texting anyone else for the rest of the goddamned day.  I’ve done this to myself.  All of it.

How the fuck do I change this??

Also, I’m going to have 10 V Day orgasms tonight if it kills me.  That’ll sufficiently wipe my brain clear.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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10 thoughts on “I just came hard to Stairway to Heaven.
  1. I feel for ya. I really do. It all sounds so ideal, but then life happens. And sometimes it blows. Especially when it happens two days in a row!! Here’s hoping you get fucked tonight! And, damn girl! You do have luck in one area. I can NOT make myself squirt, no matter how hard I try. M can do it to me in under 10 minutes, then time and time again. I understand how it works. Fuck I taught him how to do it. But I can’t do it alone…

  2. Okay this squirting thing is beginning to sound like the holy fucking grail of fucking (no coffee yet, sorry not very eloquent that). I’ve never done it and am having a hard time even understanding. Please educate your ignorant sister over here! What am I missing?

    Hy – baby … I’m sending you all my virtual love. I’m sorry … sounds like you have a choice of putting it on the line with one of them (my vote goes to the Neighbor) or cancelling them all and trying again fresh without the self-imposed limitations.

    Either way … I hope you got those 10 orgasms and a good fuck to boot.

    1. @Gillian… it IS “the holy fucking grail of fucking”! No joke! I don’t know how to explain it… It’s a great orgasm! And (this may not be true if you are not comfortable with yourself and/or your sexuality… it may be embarrassing) it is sexy as hell. Kinda makes you feel as I imagine a man feels… You leave evidence of your excitement, your climax. Evidence of the fact that you felt pleasure so extreme that you almost lose touch with your body…

      At least that’s my experience. I don’t want to make generalizations when I haven’t ever asked for a general consensus of what others experience (new post…?) But this is what I have experienced (because these orgasms most often seem to be some much more than a “normal” orgasm), even though I was just informed by one reader that they do “squirt,” but have never experienced an orgasm. This, I have trouble comprehending, even though I believe it. The trouble with comprehension is because these orgasms are so intense for me… I lose touch with the physical. I become a quivering mass of nerves. Literally. It is pure feeling. Pure pleasure. There is no thought. There is no emotion. Just pleasure…

        1. Damn right, Hy! I’m thinking I am too… I’ve written on how to accomplish squirting with a partner, but have not discussed the experience in general.

          I think you should write about how you accomplish this yourself… :) I’d love to be able to master that domain… Although I may never come out of the bedroom (how many personal days have I accumulated?)…

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