And here’s why.
I got this comment on my About page the other day:
Just curious if you have ever been treated for an intimacy disorder such as sex and/or sex and love addiction? Just from reading your bio, I can see where things might head in your life. I hope you never get to that point and that you find what you are looking for. May God grant you serenity!
This comment was left by the Castimonia group, a “sexual purity” support group that follows a 12-step program to help men “to achieve a Biblically based sexual purity”. It’s pleasant enough, but I’m not fooled.
I’m left a little speechless that they were out combing the internet for souls to save. Was he able to control the swell in his crotch when he saw my avatar or read my accounts? Did he hate himself in that second and felt absolved for reaching out to me? One who may need reform?
I have been blatantly honest in my writings here about my promiscuity, my compulsions, my grief, and how I’ve decided to consciously deal with all of it. I’ve used my body to its maximum and haven’t regretted a single moment of it. I’ve struggled with feelings of love and lust and wrestled with the ideas of attachment and addiction. My conclusion is that I abuse sex, but I am no addict, and I am solidly comfortable with my self diagnosis and any schmuck who comes and reads Page 1 about me and drops a deuce line like that can go fuck themselves. With a rake.
The big problem I have with a group like this finding me and leaving their biblical sex group “pamphlet” at my doorstep is that it feels sanctimonious. And I know from experience that my reaction justifies their means. I am clearly in denial because I’m so defensive and pissed and that kind of circular logic makes me want to choke someone.
And then I worried that my other blogging friends got riddled with a purity bullet, too, as this group drove by. Did I lead them to others?
The other problem I have with a group like this — their silly commenting practices aside — is the entire premise of this gathering. Here are just a couple of the issues they believe warrant curing and/or cessation:
- Sexually immoral thought life
- Sexual acting out such as self-gratification, using prostitutes, frequenting sexually oriented businesses, or adult bookstores
The fact that “self-gratification” and “using prostitutes” are in the same sentence shows you how skewed and self-loathing the thought process might be for them. One is an illegal, misogynistic act. The other is touching yourself to orgasmic release. Um… not even remotely the same thing here, people.
They believe that thoughts fall into moral/immoral categories; that laying eyes on sexual images is wrong; that masturbation is wrong; reading sexual content is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Good god. Is breathing ok?
I live in the same world as they do, so I understand why using a prostitute is “wrong,” but it’s more out of the rights of the prostitute that I am against it. They’re often strung out on drugs, or under the thumb of an abusive pimp. I support the happy prostitute and her right to sell her body, however, and I support the right of a man wanting to pay for it. But it is illegal, after all, so ok. I’ll give them that.
I also understand why they would want to help a man who is adulterous. On paper it can wreck a family, wreak havoc on a psyche and hurt a community, but that’s on paper, in a simple black and white world, a world in which we do not live. Not even a little bit.
The rest of their goals of sexual purity are just asinine, frankly. Denying oneself the right to have a lustful thought or become aroused and pleasure yourself is fighting biology, a form of self-sadism, and cruel to inflict on youth (what, you don’t think they only apply these rules to grown men, do you?).
Whenever I come across a person who has categorized a feeling or emotion into good or bad it tells me a number of things. Just like the commenter judged me on my libertine ways, I, too, can judge right back. These men have scapegoated their sexualities and urges. If only they didn’t touch themselves then their whole lives would fall in line. If only they didn’t stare at women’s breasts they would be godlier. If only, if only… when really, the issue might be more about trauma, low self-esteem, community and/or religious pressures, or a bad primary sexual relationship.
So, good luck,
Sanctimonia Castimonia. I hope you keep trolling the internet looking for others to enlighten with your weird, strange, misdirected sexual purity movement. I wish you all the most pure thoughts in the world.