Neither of us could resist.

Well, I guess he did.

I got wasted last night. So charming, I know. I texted The Neighbor and Downstairs Neighbor to come over. My typos are hilarious, my enthusiasm embarrassing.

But, they both came over and TN stayed longer. I mouthed off some theories I had about him which he, of course, refuted. He said he simply didn’t have “those” feelings for me. As in, nada, nothing, y’all. And then my dress wouldn’t stay on my shoulders and he kept trying to keep the straps up.

I didn’t mean to touch him, but I did. Sort of.

I peeled my dress off to expose this little teddy underneath. He groaned. I smiled.

I climbed up on the chair and straddled him by putting my knees up on the arms. He bit and sucked on my tits; I dragged my new short locks all over his face. He crooned to me how sexy, how hot I was and his hands roamed my body.

I slid down between his knees and begged to take him in my mouth. He said Yes and I was anchored home by the rod splitting my face. So delicious.

I climbed back up, unsnapped the crotch of my negligee and slid down on him.

He tried to stop me, but barely. “I haven’t fucked anyone else. It’s ok,” I said. Two little pumps in and he lifted me up and gently laid me down on the couch, shook his head No.  He’s got a girlfriend, remember??

He left me for a minute and returned with my vibrator. His fingers sunk deep inside of me and I began the climb.

Tears washed down my face. Desire laced through every goddamned fucking cell. But I was too drunk.

Instead, I shook and balledl and he stroked my hair, kissed the top of my head.

It was really late, so he left. Maybe we hugged, maybe not. For some reason that detail is fuzzy. I sent him the pic I sent to you all from the hotel bar with the note, “So you know I have no hard feelings.” He liked it.

I’m going to be like a time bomb, I can already tell. Masturbating isn’t enough — goddamnit — so help me.

Also, stick that in your cap and smoke it, 4 am girl.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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71 thoughts on “Neither of us could resist.
  1. Dangerous game you’re playing my dear…you looked hot though, slips are always sexy I don’t know why we just don’t wear them as they are…I wonder how you woul have felt the day after if you really did fuck him? 4am is nothing compared to you and I know it…having Peyton and the experience of marriage only makes you that much more mature and smart and aware of what you truly want…damn TN is stupid.
    Just saying.
    By the way, if I haven’t mentioned already, you look really hot in that slip babe. I envy your post baby body… I hope mine looks that way once i have my children. From one straight girl to another…yeah. Really good ;)

    1. Hey, S. Yes, a dangerous game indeed. And I can honestly say I’d feel just fine if we’d really fucked. I need a good rogering. I really, really do. And you’re right, 4 am girl is nothing compared to me. I can see that shit in his eyes. That much is obvious. I feel evil for saying that, but fuck it. This is where I’m most honest, right??

      TN is resolute. I am not the woman for him. I’ve actually clicked over and I no longer feel any pain about this whole situation. I’d love to fuck him some more, I won’t lie, but the pain is gone, the love fading. Poof. Just like that.

      And thanks so much for your compliments! Having a baby did nothing but help my body! Wider hips, huge knockers, nary a stretch mark except on my lovely tits, which I love. I lucked out, for sure :)

      1. For sure here is where your honesty can be as brutal as you want it to be. I need a good fucking myself…and self pleasure is just not cutting it! I’m currently thousands of miles away from my man though…and I will be for the next 26 days… I’m on a business trip and I’ve been here since the 7th of July. He and I have never been apart for more than a week since we’ve been together let alone this long. Any tips for me? It’s the freaking sahara in my panties….ugh

      2. Talk about sexual frustration! The sexts just make it harder! Believe me we do not lack in that department but damn it’s becoming simply depressing…I need his cock. I guess I’ll just have to wait it out…if I buy a dildo here do you think I’ll have to declare it when I enter NA as a foreign good…hmmmm. Wish me luck

      1. I’ll work on it. 1st I have to come down from from seeing you. God you’re gorgeous … oh yeah, I already mentioned that

      2. I’m finally going to weigh in here. Normally, I would take a very dim view of your behaviour young lady, but I’m kinda torn here. I almost see last night’s Hy as the pre-TN sex kitten she was. Her alcohol-infused sexual playfulness, just part of who she is.

        The problem surfaces because it’s TN we’re talking about here.. But you say “the pain is gone, the love fading”. I think I (mostly) believe you. Not totally, but mostly. If this is largely true, it is not catastrophic that you have back slid somewhat. But it it continues to recur at regular (short) intervals, despite your stated need for cock, it will be a sham. You’d be only fooling yourself and Ella would be totally correct.

        Back to you Babe

      3. Just remember, I know you like to please but … this is not about making us happy … it’s about making you happy

      4. You would be such a wonderful sub … sigh … I feel comfortable knowing the “group” really only wants what is best for Hy

  2. Hy, You’re a picture of beauty. You already know I’d slowly satisfy that craving you have, but you’d have to endure a little licking first…

  3. Fucking hell. Wasn’t there a possibility that TN would move? This is such a lousy situation when you are still in close contact with him. No more getting involved with neighbors ever, got it? Could you get out of town for awhile? I skipped town once when an ex-boyfriend who I had broken up with and gotten back together with was going to be home for a couple weeks. I didn’t want to deal with the temptation so I just got myself out of there. Seriously, if you can’t physically get away you have to figure out how to stay away from him completely for awhile because otherwise, you aren’t going to break this habit. You aren’t going to meet anyone else and get on with your fabulous life while you are wasting time mooning over that dumb-ass.

    1. LOL I’m at a cafe and I just totally laughed out loud, Petunia. “Mooning over that dumb-ass”! OMG, brilliant. I can’t get out of town, unfortunately. Next week is my week with Peyton. This week is too short notice, I guess. And yes, it is a lousy situation. Last night was hilarious. I screwed up by allowing my horniness win out, but I’m back on track today, I swear it. And you’re right. This is a habit. I’m having a damn hard time quitting cold turkey, obviously.

      And yeah, I thought there was a possibility he’d move, but I guess he’s not. He got pretty mad at me last night when I was yelling at him for having no regard for my feelings and for constantly bringing her around. “Am I never to bring her around here??” he yelled. I said, “That’s right! Gimme some goddamned breathing room!” But I see his point. We can’t keep trying to avoid each other forever. We gotta live our lives…

  4. I’ve been exactly where you are. The primary difference is that mine went on for several years. I was absolutely 110% in love with a guy. Funny, caring, sweet, best sex EVER. Like, off the charts.

    Just like TN, my guy told me straight out that I wasn’t for him. Did I listen? I did not. I saw what I wanted to see, just like you do with TN. Just like TN, my guy dated other girls. I wasn’t his “ideal.” (too independent, not artsy enough… long list. So fucking lame) But I sucked it up as he dated other girls that quickly fell off the map while I remained. We were together all the time, spent all holidays together, travelled together etc. I thought he was just being stubborn.

    My friends all started to disappear. They couldn’t deal with what a fucking idiot I was being. They all told me to get my head out of my ass and find a guy who could love me, but I thought he did, he just couldn’t admit it.

    He didn’t. He loved that I’m an amazing lay. He loved that I am wild and uninhibited. He loved that there wasn’t a limit to what I’d do.

    But he wasn’t IN LOVE with me.

    Like you, I gloated when he would fuck me, come home to me, when he was with other girls. They might get the title, but I got vacations, expensive gifts, time and intensity.

    I gloated my stupid ass right through his WEDDING, which he begged me to come to. The wedding was a fucking joke, he was fucking miserable, and he literally spent the entire night with me, not her. They had to come get him for pictures and a dance.

    But you know what I finally figured out from that?

    He was an asshole. What kind of guy marries someone and then treats them like shit on their wedding day?

    The emotionally unavailable kind. The fucked in the head kind.

    And you know what else I figured out? Karma. It was pathetic that I looked down on those girls, thinking I was so special. I wasn’t. He was fucking us all… in the head. I was an active participant in hurting people who felt the same way about him that I did. I hated those girls and they hated me, but really, we were all the same. We all just THOUGHT we were special or different. We weren’t.

    Now ask yourself this.

    What kind of guy starts a relationship with someone and within days lets his neighbor blow him? Sure, he didn’t actually let you fuck him, but it was close. If I were 4am, I’d be just as unhappy knowing that he fingered you as I would knowing that he fucked you.

    Think about what he has said to you Hy.

    1. He doesn’t have those kind of feelings for you. He’s said this over and over and over again, but you aren’t listening.

    2. Once he got down to goal weight, he was going to find someone else. He says this to you during the time he’s fucking you. He’s totally mind fucking you with this shit. It’s like, “your good enough to fuck while I’m not at goal, but once I am, later”

    3. He doesn’t want to be with you because you were married. Jesus christ. He needs to grow the fuck up. It’s not like you were a member of Hitler’s Harem. Its just one more excuse he can throw at you as to why he doesn’t want you.

    4. He doesn’t want to be with you because of your age. Again. One more excuse. He throws these things at you he KNOWS you can’t change.

    5. He doesn’t want to be with you because you have a kid. That should really be a deal breaker.

    You should be LIVID that he continuously judges you and finds you lacking in almost every area. Sure, he will fuck you. Guys are incredibly easy to get in to bed. It’s not even a challenge.

    I guarantee, he’s turning this around on you. You’ve got a blog to go to, but you know damn well he’s telling someone (even if he swears he’s not) about his hot older neighbor who wont stop coming on to him. At some point he’s going to blow up at you about that, because he needs to make this your fault.

    You falsely believe that you know the REAL him, and that at heart he is a good guy.

    He so isn’t.

    The rest of us readiing the blog see it. The kids a piece of shit who is manipulating you in the worst way possible, and in so doing is forcing you to actively fuck with yourself and your self esteem.

    He continuously says no to you, and you continuouosly throw yourself at him. Just the other day you told him you wouldn’t be with him so long as he had a girlfriend. That didn’t even last a week. At some point he’s going to turn on you like a rabid dog over that.

    You NEED to STOP TALKING TO HIM. Stop texting him. He isn’t your friend. He doesn’t care. If he did, he wouldn’t talk down to you the way he does.

    RUN RUN RUN away from TN Hy. He’s going to destroy you.

    You’re awesome and amazing and smart and funny and you CAN do SO MUCH BETTER.

    Better to fuck an old boyfriend or even the ex husband if you’re in need than to continue doing shit with a guy who, at heart, doesn’t really care.

    1. Holy shit, Ella. I feel like you just opened up my skull and rearranged some things. Thank you so incredibly much for this impassioned plea and sharing your story with me. Fuck. You are so goddamned right. Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

      I don’t know what I’d fucking do without this blog. Seriously. I’ve met some of the goddamned smartest, coolest, kindest, open-minded people on the fucking planet.

      Can you feel my goddamned love your way?? HOLY SHIT. THANK YOU.

      (Also, if my readers could “like” your comment, I’m sure it’d be off the charts.)

        1. She’s a goddamned professor among students. And Mike, she didn’t say anything you haven’t been harping on for months. She just boiled it down and served it up bitch-slap style :) Now there’s three of you on the Team of Hardasses that endeavors to keep my head out of my ass: You, Petunia, and Ella. I’m lucky that anyone would take even 5 seconds out of their day to read my shit let alone give me any kind of feedback. I’m a lucky fucking girl!

      1. Ella…I am sitting here so impressed with you for so eloquently putting into words what I’m sure so many are feeling. Your story is inspiring to me as well and I will take your advice for myself, even it it wasn’t offered…because I have had some of the same experiences.

        Hy…baby girl….you are amazing. Ella said it all better than I can. You’re lucky you had someone to intercede to make you remember that…and that’s no judgment because I’ve walked in your shoes and know how it feels to let the horny over-ride the self-esteem. Passed over by guys who weren’t fit to share my time, let alone my bed..and I let them anyway just to watch them walk away for someone who was “better” or met their lame madonna checklist and leaving me desolate. It’s not worth it. Remember your inner beauty…and know that your outer beauty is the shiny object men will flock to easily….filter carefully because you are WORTH it!!!

        And one more thing… look fucking awesome!!! xoxox

        1. I know, right?? My hair was so totally blown back. I’ve read it at least 5 times already and I keep getting the chills.

          Thank you, Deviant. You’re absolutely right, it’s not worth it. If anyone ever waves a checklist in my face again, I’m going to run and scream. No questions asked haha.

          And thanks! I’ve lost about 20 lbs this year on a diet of heartbreak, wine, and cigarettes lol.

          1. ohhhhhh fuck I left out the cigarettes….THAT’s why I can’t get this damn weight off ;). Got the wine and heartbreak covered, but turns out I’m a stress eater. Dammit….

    2. Ella, Ella…wow, you’re good. Yes, others have said the same things, yet how you put the same words together was a magical elixir that swirled right into my brain. Lovely

      Very much so “Like”-ing this.

      Hey, Hy, there is a thumbs up and down option for comments. I couldn’t give you directions for it though.

  5. I didn’t mean to be harsh. I learned all this the
    VERY hard way and I hate to see other people
    In the same situation I was in, occupying that same fucked up head space.

    Once you stop talking to him an enough time goes by without his bullshit, you will see it very clearly and you will be horrified. If you’re like me you will view it as a duty to help others in the
    Same situation. It’s a sisterhood for sure.

    1. I didn’t think you were harsh AT ALL, Ella. You were brilliant. Thank you so much for putting in any time at all to help my dumbass. Seriously.

      I was just thinking that I will certainly pay it forward, too. I’ve been smirking all day, but especially since your comment. I’ve got this in the bag. It’s been in a death throe, but seriously, I think I’ve beaten this dead horse enough.

      1. When I said it went on for several years, I meant like five. But we’ve known each other forever. Our lives still intersect in a way that can’t be changed, and we still know everything that’s going on with each other, even though we never speak. It’s very complicated. Not all that disimilar to how you and TN are in such close quarters.

        I’m about three years out now from his bullshit. I went cold turkey. He said something to me one night that was just fucking IT, and I was done. One of those throw away comments like what TN says to you, a little drip drip drip of boiling acid as it rains down on you and steals a little bit of your self confidence. But for whatever reason, this last night I talked to the the EMF (evil mind fucker), I was done. The cup runneth over, and that was that.

        I’ve never explained to him why I stopped calling him, why I unfriended him, why I blocked his phone number, why I make sure we never occupy the same space. I owe him no explanation, and I know it burns his ass. I’m shallow enough to be glad.

        I had to look at it like an addiction. Every day I didn’t talk to him got me one day closer to getting first my 30 day chip, then my 60 day chip, and so on. I felt like one tough bitch when I hit the year mark. I know it drives him nuts that I was so unpredictable at the end, and that I was the one that got to walk away. He never saw that coming. Shit, I never saw that coming, to be perfectly honest.

        We recently had to speak – for the first time in all these years. I was short, sweet and to the point. Did it hurt? FUCK YES. It was like being sliced open with a dull knife. He’s a reminder of what I did to myself, and I will always feel regret that I didn’t stop it sooner, or put my foot down, or fight harder, or show any backbone what so ever. There will always be a part of me that still misses him. So yeah, I’m still a little fucked in the head there. In the end, the person I feel sorriest for is his (now ex) wife. She married a real shit show.

        I love love loved what Deviant said about the Madonna complex. It’s so true. Guys who do that are the fucking worst. It’s like “Sorry you don’t meet this arbitrary and unattainable list. I’m going to fuck you anyway so that you think there is a chance. My cock might be slamming in and out of your pussy, but it’s your head I’m fucking the hardest.”

        EMF’s bullshit turned me in to a tough bitch, and for that I’m glad. I know what I want, and I don’t put up with lame drama or stupid emotional tug of war games. If a guy starts that shit, I roll out immediately. Fool me once…

        I’m still looking for that dominant man who can make me his WITHOUT using emotional blackmail or ridiculous games to get his way. And like you, I wont even bother if they guy doesn’t have the right equipment!

        I do things that are ridiculous and I’m vindictive. I totally fucked someone he knew after I stopped talking to him, someone he always was wary of because he swore the guy liked me. I never cared before, but once I was done with EMF, I fucked the guy wildly and often, just because I knew EMF would find out. He went nuts, but I refused to talk to him.

        In the end, I feel that I’ve won. I walked away, and all he saw was the door swinging closed. I’m a little smug about it, truth be told.

        You just wait until a few months goes by TN free. You will be SO proud of yourself!!!!!!

        1. I cannot tell you how awesome I think you are and how grateful I am that you’re here to help me get out of this shit. I have been thinking about everything you’ve said (and everyone else) all day long and I feel stronger than ever, more clear. I have NOT been listening to what he’s been saying and I’ve been gleaning bits and pieces of “love” for months instead. I can’t believe how much of what you’ve said I relate to in a direct line.

          I have NOT texted him today, I have NOT called him, looked for him, or anything else. I have some habits of doing all of those things, but today is a new day. He stayed with me for 3 hours after Downstairs Neighbor left and nearly fucked me, certainly did inappropriate things with me when he’s got this girl on the hook for whom he’s dumping me. I’m not ashamed to say that it still makes me smug as fuck, but it certainly shows me more of who he is. I’d never do that to someone I claimed to really care about. He was stone sober and I was a drunken shit.

          I don’t feel like I can go cold turkey living next door, but I can go cold turkey emotionally and that’s my plan. I’m done. Done done done. Today has been a major turning point. I guess getting stupid drunk does have it’s upsides from time to time. Had last night not happened the way it did I wouldn’t be right here right now. xx Hy

  6. You look fabulous in the teddy…regarding last night, I blame the Prosecco and my real life brethren who did not speak with you at the bar. ;-)

  7. Hy, I’m proud of you for not texting, calling or looking for him today. The journey of a thousand miles starts with one kick ass step.

    You know why you relate to my saga? Because you aren’t alone. We think these guys are so fucking unique, but really… they are EVERYWHERE.

    What’s unique is being the girl that walks away.

    Want to leave an impression? Lock your door. Be polite if you run across him. But stop talking it to death with him- stop letting him in- stop letting him be a squatter in your head/heart. He takes up space in your life but does it in the most dishonest way. I read the Vanilla Ice posts today, for the first time. He definitely lied to you the night you put it together and said you’d smelled it before. He’s a liar, and he can’t help it. It’s second nature to him.

    If you go back and read your blog posts after each time you guys had a big talk, you will see that he was feeding you whatever he felt like giving you at the time. You have another reason to be thankful for this blog. It’s an anecdotal record of his failure to be the man for you.

    I promise you will NOT believe the difference in how you feel once you quit this jerk. I liken it to getting laser surgery for your eyes. For me, things went from being shady as fuck to being clear. Night and day. The joy I felt when I was able to look back and realize that I’d really gotten out is impossible to describe.

    I so wish there had been someone around to hold a mirror up to me and show me how far off course I was at the time. Bringing it up today, I’ve thought of it a lot. Things keep popping in to my head, warning signs I ignored, and I keep wondering… was my brain on vacation for half a decade?

    Sex is generally easier for men. As women, we attach emotion to people that aren’t actually worthy of the effort. I can have sex with dozens of people and feel nothing, but with EMF, I projected MY feelings on to him, and thought he felt the same way back. When we first met, he went ALL OUT. He was totally obsessed and would tell me that he loved me and was amazed by me every single day. Talk about a mindfuck. He wasn’t even my type, but he worked his way in with five hour a night phone calls, dinners, letters, etc. It took him over a year to get me, but once he did…. he had me big time.

    Of course, once he had me… shit started to get weird. I wasn’t just right. I smoked, I drank, I’d fucked too many people before him, I wasn’t arty, I dressed like someone in Vogue and he prefers hippy types, I had too many friends… the list was ridiculous. I even had the wrong fucking HAIR color. I changed it, just for him. Seriously.

    I kept trying to get back to when we were best friends and spending all our time together, while he kept putting up road blocks. The worst thing is that I saw him doing it to other women, albeit with much quicker turn arounds. I was the hardest to get, and I think that fact and the sex was why he didn’t ever let me go. I was a trophy. I tried dozens of times to put my foot down and roll out. It never worked because he always talked me back in, by saying what I wanted to hear. It was only when I made contact impossible that it was over.

    The only satisfaction I have is knowing that I got some of my own back when I fucked HIS mind by being completely unavailable. I’m the only girl that ever walked away first. At least I have that.

    I think the mindfuck is what makes it so difficult to move on. You and I both fell in love with a lie that we thought was a complicated truth. The truth is actually not complicated at all, and shows an almost diabolical personality type that has to dominate people emotionally.

    You really are awesome. You’re articulate and funny and true. So much so that I got hooked on your blog after one read, and that’s not the norm for me. We all see how great you are. Now it’s time for you to embrace it.

  8. It is so great that Ella is willing to share her experiences. Please, Hy, take a page from her book and don’t go down this goddamn road any further. You deserve so much better than this.

  9. Fuck – where am I – Alice in Wonderland’s Reality Check? Since everyone has let their hair down – so will I, Hy. I can relate to the great sex. I think most can really. That nuclear rush messes with the molecules of reason. You did fuck him last night – neither came but a penis in the vagina is sex.
    Emotionally is where I am at and damn, friend, I would have been devastated – absolutely shrunken to a dried up shot of jizz on a public bathroom floor if a guy ever lifted me off of him instead of having the God Damned Manners to finish the fuck. What had to be going through his head… wtf!!??? Oh damn, this isn’t to plan. Ok, she could suck my cock but I can’t do the same to her. He could have reciprocated and made you come with his own mouth – AT LEAST!!!! I would have been appalled at him bringing me a goddamned vibrator after I just had his dick in my mouth. I don’t give one fuck if he knew I loved it. TN knows exactly where you’re at with him. He’s not quality and him getting you so easily, and freely regardless of what you know he is doing…allows him to think you aren’t quality… which must make it easy for him to think of you as less than others, as Ella pointed out. I wouldn’t be surprised if he reasoned it all that way – or told 4am girl that. How come he didn’t say “No” to coming over. Seriously, inside, I would have been deeply wounded… but then I would realize that I brought it on myself. I would think of his reactions but the hurtful dagger would have been NOT doing me. That was so wrong. He has a big fat dick because he IS a big fat DICK. I relate to your mindset and honestly I can’t say I would be any different. I’m just reading words to a story that could have been mine. I do know you’re smart though and face it – you learn as you do – not by reading. Good Luck in keeping your distance so you can see his character clearer. …where is his sweetness? when did he really put you first to make you know how important you were to him? when did he do something unexpected just to make you happy – and nothing sexual can count for these questions. They’re rhetorical. I relate to the emotional whirlpool of your relationship with TN and ultimately, I think you will – would come to the same conclusions as those listed above. I enjoy the free sexual spirit of it and I think you do know everything Ella pointed out somewhere in your psyche. To learn a lesson, you have to go trough it so it doesn’t become repetitive, right? I believe you know all this because you are observant and insightful. This post of yours kinda brought it all to the forefront… damn.

    1. You know, I never thought for a second to be bruised or hurt last night. I felt like I had gotten my way, ultimately, because he was there with me.

      DN told me (bc I don’t remember) that he and I had been hanging out and I was goofy and giggling and a little bit all over him (playfully, dont worry!) until TN arrived when I’d suddenly changed demeanor.

      It was obvious I was three sheets but TN stayed for whatever reason. I think that right there meant I’d won somehow and protected me from any self doubt I might’ve had.

      I haven’t written about it yet, but my newly married sext buddy came over last week I was free and he exhibited more control over himself than TN did. They sat in the same chair and I did the same things, but where Jimmy said NO to everything (& I listened carefully) TN’s vibe was more or less “I probably shouldn’t, so give it a shot.”

      I saw how irresistible I was to him and that’s all that really mattered. It’s helped me feel more in control. Finally.

      I’m still struggling with seeing him in too terrible a light, but it doesn’t really matter. I’m just focusing on how he won’t give me what I want and thats doing the trick so far.

      Are you relating to Ella’s words about this kind of man, too, like Deviant did? I’m sadly surprised that so many are.

      Thank you for weighing in. I love you! xx Hy

      1. Ella’s words are generations old. Where you see that TN was drawn to stay is the pivoting point. Him Getting or You Causing a hard on is not a scale to weigh your value on. Him staying around does not give the woman control. It just means he stayed to see what would happen. He won’t give you what you want but he’ll get what he can if you push it. He’s a coward to own up to his own standards. Like I commented to Gillian one time – Dave Chappelle says “If Pussy were a stock, it would be plummeting right now” TN has no reason what so ever to value yours. We women give it away TOO easily. It’s simply Demand – Supply Economics! : )

        1. True, but I still feel like I had the upper hand for some reason. TN’s iron like vice grip on his control (which he’s always shown) has been slipping with me lately and it makes me feel better about my own lack of control.

          I’m sure Gillian would do a happy dance right now if she read all of this, too. She was always trying to convince me to feel the way I do now :)

          1. So whats up with his control shit – whats that about? Life can’t be controlled. I did always wonder how why he couldn’t melt into you. It seems like he always had to leave, or … I don’t know…he had to go – get back to his apartment. I’m not needy by nature but I would have felt that way because he always had to leave – his apt. was right next door. I didn’t get that but I may not have cared at all after sex.

          2. I have my theories on that, part of which has to do with him never wanting to actually be with me (which he himself told me was the reason), the others having to do with his psychology which I won’t go into here (it’s what he argued with me about last night). He didn’t want to send me mixed signals. Heh. It’s all about his Plan, remember? And he’s too young to realize that control in life is only a mirage.

      2. Actually, what he did was far more manipulative than “I shouldn’t but give it a shot.”

        You see it as a loss of his control, a weakening. That’s not what it is. Like every other woman who’s ever been in the same situation, you see what you want to see. It’s all a projection.

        My theory on what happened last night? You laid the law down in your last conversation with him and told him you absolutely would NOT be having sex with him now that he’s in a committed relationship. Read on.

        You spouted some theories and anger at him, and he again told you that he doesn’t have those kind of feelings for you. He’s absolutely covered his bases there because he tells you this on a regular basis, something he can and will throw back in your face later. Also something that I’m sure he tells other people. “Man, I told her I don’t have feelings for her, but she keeps coming back.”

        So AFTER he tells you that he doesn’t have feelings for you, you climb up on to the chair. (No judgement Hy, I’ve done worse) And at this point, he really fucks with your mind by telling you how hot and sexy you are. (red light, green light)

        It’s all very dark and twisted. With one hand he slaps you back and says “I don’t have feelings for you” while with the other hand he pulls you forward just enough that you go back on what you said last week when you said “I absolutely won’t have sex with you while you are with 4am.”

        You see it as loss of control on his part, but actually he let you get those two pumps in to show you who’s boss. He wanted to know if you would still fuck him. Once he knew, he was done.

        Getting the vibrator was actually his way of deflecting your attention from how cruel what he just did was. He can’t continue to get his kicks from fucking with your emotions if you hate him, so he got the trusty vibe out so that he could fool your mind in to not seeing what had actually happened.

        I loved most of what Jayne said, but I have to point out that the issue isn’t that he didn’t have the courtesy to fuck you. The issue is that he got inside just enough to assert his dominance. You said you wouldn’t. He checked to see. 2 pumps, and he had his answer. Mission accomplished.

        Sex isn’t as needy and desperate for him. Dudes got problems all over the fuckin place and the whole “I don’t normally cum” thing is one of the BIGGEST warning signs about what a control freak he is.

        It’s all about the carrot and the stick, the control over the women around him.

        You want to believe that 4am means nothing to him, but you’re missing the actual psychology of WHY he’s with her, and how abusive it is.

        Much like how you said “no more sex” and he got you to go back on that, he went after 4am with laser like intensity because at first she said no. He wasn’t tall enough. She wasn’t interested. He kept at her and broke her down. the fact that she is a lush and wets her pants only gives him more power over her. In his mind, this bitch said no to him and insulted him by saying he wasn’t what she wanted. Now, he’s got her right where she said she didn’t want to be. He feels victorious, and it’s quite a high.

        His mind fuck is only just starting. When he realizes you’re starting to see through it, he’s going to double back just to keep you on the hook. He’ll text and come over MORE once he sees he’s losing you. He’ll be all angsty and full of “I miss you” and “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

        It’s played itself out in your relationship with him before. You draw a line in the sand, he suddenly says he’ll text you back more often and that he misses you and doesn’t know what he wants. He gets you back in line and then BAM. Same shit, different day.

        I can’t say it enough. Run from this fool. Run fast and hard, and don’t look back.

        1. I know you’re not judging me, but I just want to say that none of that would’ve happened had I not been wasted. I had already come to the conclusion he was manipulative with his kindnesses and cruel with the controlling. And I don’t want to seem defensive, I just don’t want anyone to think I was in my right mind that night.

          I know it’s all perception – half full, half empty – and both are true. I still feel smug, but the half empty version is certainly true, too.

          I still hate painting him in this light… if he ever found this blog he would be devastated and I’d never want to do that. No one deserves to read a profile on their personality based on only one person’s side. But that’s not the point. That’s just my guilt talking.

          Your point has been made very well. Thank you, Ella, for all your effort :)

      3. You need to really SEE what a dick he is. He’s shallow and cruel and manipulative, and it’s all out there, on display.

        Think, really think, about how he’s treating 4am, this girl that he has asked to be his girlfriend.

        He is treating 4am girl like a piece of shit. It’s a total betrayal of her that he tells you things about her, things that don’t paint her in a positive light. It’s a betrayal that he bends the rules to his whim. “Well, I fucked you Hy, but 4am and I weren’t official yet.”

        Now REALLY look at what he’s doing. This is how he’s treating the girl that he fought so hard for to make his girlfriend. Now he’s got her, and he’s fucking her over left and right. he lied to you for months telling you he didn’t really like her. He was keeping you on the stick as he continued his wooing of her.

        You are a witness to the very beginnings of the damage he is going to do to her, but you aren’t paying attention to what it says about HIS character. You’re watching this guy build a mountain of lies to get her where he wants her. He’s showing you what a cruel asshole he is, but you aren’t paying attention because the paradigm he’s created has you thinking the way he treats her is okay.

        Now look in the mirror. He’s doing the same thing to you. Don’t think for one minute that he isn’t telling her the same unflattering shit that he tells you about her.

        He’s 100% in control of you both. But if you really pay attention, he’s showing you time and time again what a heartless, lying prick he is.

        1. I have to read these several times, Ella. And again, I can’t disagree with you. I just have an extremely hard time being angry at someone and focusing on the bad. I think my behavior in this exemplifies that fact.

          But you’re right. I need to extricate myself and for good.

      4. We all know you wouldn’t have done that had you not been drunk, but really, it’s no big deal whether you were drunk or sober. It’s certainly nothing YOU should feel ashamed of. You don’t have a girlfriend. You aren’t manipulating him.

        As for him finding the blog, I’d not worry about it. I doubt very much that he has any clue about this outlet that you have.

        Also, it’s not like you’ve said anything that isn’t true. And you’ve totally covered his ass. We don’t have any clue who he is in real life. So it’s not like if one of us met him we’d be like, “Oh my god fucker, it’s YOU!”

      5. Try not to think of it as focusing on the ‘bad’. Focusing on a situation and seeing it for what it realistically isn’t bad. It’s self preservation in it’s most basic form. It takes us all a while to get to that point.

        There would not be legions of women (and men) with similar stories if this wasn’t so darn normal.

        When you see it, you’ll see it. When your mind is ready to accept it, you will.

        No one here is judging you. It took my dumb ass years to see it. It happens.

        The trick is to allow yourself each day to see a little bit more, and to start to let go. You aren’t ready to cold turkey, and you aren’t at rock bottom with him yet. We can all tell you what he is, but this is one of those things that you need to learn on your own. Yesterday you could sort of see it, today your mind will shy away. It’s the ebb and flow of evolving as a person.

        I know that depending on where you are in your head, that a lot of what we say, me in particular right now, feels like an attack on him. Since you’ve got real feelings for him, it hurts you that we do not see him in any kind of a positive light.

        You’re human and you care. Nothing wrong with that.

      1. SO pretty – you have to have a body like yours too though! There is something WRONG with him – you in that…and he doesn’t feel the need to do you. I could be wrong but he needs some testosterone cream or abstinence to set his mind straight.

          1. Seriously – NO HE’S NOT. : ) That big dick is swelling with the blood that belongs in the reasoning part of his brain. Theres Trying and there’s Doing. I wonder what his reaction would be if you told 4am girl what happend – just to force his hand and expose his real feelings…

          2. I’d never do that simply because I don’t want to cause more drama and I want my nose as clean as possible. It’s already pretty dirty.

          3. He needs more experience to be interesting and smarter. Se la vie. What a story he has been. Would he be as interesting if there were no blog???

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