I need advice about my ex-lover.

Internet Boyfriend, I need you!

This will be short.

I’m in my yellow dress and I’m trying to rest up before my first date with the Law Student. Here’s my question:

If I decide to invite him back to my place to hang out, should I give The Neighbor a heads up? A, “Hey, I’m on a good date and we’re coming back to my place. I just didn’t want you to be surprised if you saw us,” kind of thing.

Here is why I’m torn: 1) He never gave me that kind of consideration so why should I give it to him?, but 2) I’m not him and actually am a considerate individual so that would be me being myself.

What do I do??

Don’t worry. These are for LS only. TN’s ship has sailed…

Sidenote: I’ve been spending a little completely platonic –and somewhat ironic — time with my young ex-lover this week. I have felt nothing but benign curiosity about what this next phase will look like for me/us. He, however, sent me a cock shot this morning. I think my eyes bugged out. It was an impressive photo, of course, but I wasn’t impressed.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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42 thoughts on “I need advice about my ex-lover.
      1. If you’re looking at it from the NICE perspective… it could be construed as “I’m bringing a man home… na na na boo boo…” You know, rubbing the man puppy’s nose in his own shit, which isn’t so nice.

        1. But what if we want to go on the balcony? Or run into him on the stairs? That shit ripped me up. I’d hate to do that to him. BECAUSE IM NOT A DICK.

          1. He’s not you, so he isn’t going to react the same way. He’s not going to get ripped because as he has said… it is the FRIENDSHIP aspect of y’all’s relationship he values the most. ; ) But girl… we’re enough alike that I know you’re gonna do what you’re gonna do. And I love ya no matter what you do. Have a GREAT time tonight and please don’t let this do-I-or-don’t-I thing cast a shadow on the evening.

          2. Stop putting him in your shoes. He’s told you time and again that he doesn’t feel that way about you. You going to him and saying that you have a date sends a terrible message. Keep your business YOUR business. It doesn’t concern him.

            And as I told you earlier. Fuck being friends with him. He isn’t your friend. He’s a dick, and he illustrates my point when he spews his bullshit (you really need to do a post about this so that everyone knows what he said) and then turns around and sends a cock pic. He’s a fucktard.

    1. And as long as I’m breaking my own rule… Don’t forget that three date thing we discussed. And the “let vulnerable Hy show a tiny bit” part too. OH… And GREAT boobies!!! ; )

      1. I’m with Noodle – 1) you don’t owe TN anything. If he’s nothing to you, start acting like it. Think of him as no different than some person in the building across the street. And don’t even look at his texts unless to check for a message that says,”Building’s on fire.” and 2) GREAT BOOBIES!!! I should’ve used that pic in my tit post today…

        1. She wont even write him and tell him that sending the text was inappropriate. She’s getting there, i hope, but she isn’t there yet. i told her to write him and say “Taking in to account everything you said the other day about the sex not being important, you not wanting me for anything other than friendship etc, I am perplexed to see you sending a pic of your cock. This ship has sailed, so please stop with the cock pictures.”

  1. FWIW from the Peanut Gallery … I say YES … wear the yellow dress … it drives me crazy every time you wear it … sigh …

    Oh, the other thing on your mind … I say NO … his reaction is NOT to be trusted. He could just blow your whole date and then shrug his shoulders and say “Who me?”


  2. Its all in the name …”ex-lover”. As in ‘used to be’. You owe him no such courtesy in your interaction with your new potential friend or lover. He is not a part of it.

    And what would you expect him TN do if you did give a heads up? Drop over with a nice bottle of red? Give the new guy some tips? Marks out of ten?

    Leave him where he is. If he is curious, let it gnaw at him. Do not be the one to break the suspense. He may not even be curious. Your job is to not care.

    And its also to have a great time out :-)

    1. She wont admit it, but subconciously she wants him to have a reaction. That’s why she wants to tell him. He isn’t going to give her one- at least not one that will mean anything. He’s not going to tell her not to date. So this would be a wasted effort.

    2. PS: Exactly Nick. Hy, your job is NOT TO CARE!!!!!

      By telling him, you’re only sending him a signal that he’s still in control.

  3. Absolutely not. There is no positive in it for you and you should be focussing on you.
    The dress on the other hand is very very nice (actually its whats in the dress that really makes it work. I figure a potato sack would look fetching on you. I can’t believe I’m jealous of a law student.

  4. Sounds like you want to because it is part of your character to take into consideration the feelings of others. But don’t do it. You are not with him anymore and owe him nothing. He needs to grow up. You need to move on.

  5. In the end my real advice (aside from not telling him, but you’ve known that for hours) is to forget TN and focus on HY and your excitement about meeting LS. You’ve spent a lot of time today thinking about “What if” you bring that guy home and “What should” you do about TN. That means your mind is still focused on TN. TN TN TN TN TN. You need a TN detox. (Or, de-cocks, as it were)

  6. You shouldn’t. Not be he’s inconsiderate but because just like you wouldn’t give the downstairs neighbor a “heads up”, if you only have a friendship with TN, you should start acting like it.

    Yes it will hurt him (in a completely different way than it hurt you to see him with whoever, because he is a very particular kind I man, that I know all too well) but just like your moving forward, he has to too. He’s told you in so many ways to move on and no matter what he’s said to you otherwise, his overall actions have told to move on.

  7. Don’t do it!! ! Throw a curveball. You know what’ll happen if you pay him the courtesy and do what you’ve always done. Nothing. Look at it like you’re helping him by letting him see you bring a guy back to your place. You’re helping him evolve into a man by allowing him to feel the walls without the padding. Whereas if you send him a heads up he’s gonna be a baby about it anyway. I’m a bit tipsy but that’s my advice!
    Oh and also – just an insight I had about my aryan version of TN that I also have about TN – their one vice in life is sex. I don’t know why. But that’s what’s at the depth of their core. That’s what’ll always control them. And they try like hell to not have it be that. Like recently I posted online, for everyone’s eyes (including aryan TN’s), a sexy photo that was a reference to one of the sexual jokes we had. I know he’s masturbating to it now if he hasn’t already. I mean, that’s just my psychic knowledge. He ignored it of course. But I know. And TN’s no different. That’s why it’ll always be the cock photos from that amazing cock. Now if he could only just ACCEPT that about himself….

  8. I’m a little late on the advice too, but I hope you didn’t give him too much consideration, despite you being a good person. His cock shot reeks of desperation. As always, you look smashing in that dress. As do your breasts.

    lots of love.


  9. I’m late but No Hy – it isn’t necessary really. Are you going to give him a head’s up when you scream too loud having sex with someone else? Will he apologize for you hearing or seeing a woman at his place? no because you just have to move on. : ( You’re a sweetheart for being considerate )

  10. Well, I agree, do not give him a heads up. I also think you shouldn’t bring the other guy back yet. But who am I to preach, I break that 3 date rule myself lol

  11. I know you’re not him (read: more considerate), but he doesn’t deserve the notice. That says you care about his feelings.

  12. I would say no. Not only did he not give you the same consideration with pisspants, as you said, (and yes I realize you are more classy than that.) My husband and I also thought, TN might think you are trying to make him jealous. Of cours you’re not, but it may lead to unwanted feelings in the future. He’s obviously still hung up in you, and thinks there’s still a chance for you two, otherwise he wouldn’t have sent you a pic of his dick.

  13. This is the advice I give my daughter.

    Don’t discuss your sex life with ex lovers. It’s poor mannners. It implies motivated disclosure.

    Don’t bring a guy, new lover, or date to your place. Go to his. If you want to leave, you may do so. Evaluate his domicile: look for clean, tidy, and modest. Evaluate hobbies. If he passes muster after several visits, only then invite him over.

    If you’re done with TN, why are you still blogging about him? I have no issues with him, per se, but your post seems pointless in that context.

    1. You’re a hard ass, Ted. Yeah, I’m done with him, but there’s still residue, so to speak. He lives next door, after all, and we have some kind of relationship due to the proximity. One day, he’ll be mentioned like my other friends are on here: they add to a story, they aren’t the story.

      Re: bringing dates home, I rarely do so unless I’m certain of their character. With the exception of that one dude who was a dipshit and called me a ho (haha) I’ve never regretted it. And I’ve never been harmed. I was harmed twice, however, when I went to someone else’s house. It’s all a risk and I conduct my life as safely as I can, but, it’s solid advice for a younger woman who is less experienced.

  14. What say I? The same as everyone else. I think it’s rare for all your readers to agree, but I have to agree with them. From experience, I totally have the same need sometimes, to tell Sasha about something. But why, why? It can only complicate matters… don’t give him the benefit of staying in your thoughts.
    lots of love xx

  15. 1) great dress!
    2) don’t say anything. I have to say I agree with Ella that I think you might subconsciously have a different motivation than just being “considerate”. If you were to warn him, I’d say it comes off as if you’re trying to prove something. And honestly, if the situation were reversed and TN texted you the same thing about bringing a chick home, would you really think “how considerate!”, or would you try and figure out what kind of play he was making?
    3) TN sending you cock pics after hanging out isn’t really all that platonic. I would ignore and don’t respond at all if I were you.
    4) Have a great date! Don’t make it a rebound by overfocusing on TN. If you’re truly moving on, you must be proactive about it and quit with the mind games. Good luck!

  16. Oh Hy, I only saw this tonight. I’m sorry! :[
    Anyway, I hope your date went well, and you always make a nice looking hanger for that yellow dress.

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