A heart still beats even when it’s laying on the floor.

I cried myself to sleep Sunday night and off and on all day yesterday.  Today, I feel slightly better; no tears or anything, though that gutted hollowness I know so well is lurking behind the bend for me.  I’m trying to stave it off.  I have better things to do with my time than keen like a suffering shrouded woman.

The cold snap that fell on us all Sunday night brings me pleasure, so I’m having an easier time being less crushed than I normally would when I want to skip instead of walk everywhere.  My breasts also look bigger in sweaters, so there’s that.

But here’s the thing: The Neighbor doesn’t love me and never, ever will.

I’ll explain all that later…

First, I need to reinsert my heart inside the birdcage.  Hopefully it’ll stay on its perch this time, the stupid fucking thing.

Breathe, Hy, breathe… it’ll be ok, honey.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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37 thoughts on “A heart still beats even when it’s laying on the floor.
  1. Why do you need him to love you right now? Are you patient enough to wait for him to come around or do you really think he never will? Of course, I’m asking this before I give you a change to explain. So you don’t have to answer now.

      1. the fact that you shout at someone to avoid an iceberg doesn’t mean that you feel good when they hit it. I’d rather be wrong than have someone hurting.

  2. It really will be okay. Even better, it will be beautiful once again soon. Only time can heal your wounds. Best wishes, beautiful Hy. Please never forget that while we’re faceless, we’re definitely not heartless and will always be right at your metaphorical side when you need us. xxx

  3. Oh, baby. I’m so sorry to hear your pain. It is visceral through the computer screen. Take your time with the write up. Enjoy the cold. Do something just for you.

    xoxo and love.


  4. I hope you will feel less hurt some day and more contentment in knowing that you are an open willing woman who can say “All In”, even though you sometimes get hurt. You won’t be leaving this life with any “What If’s” and I admire that trait of yours woman! I’m sending you hugs – papmper yourself Hy!! Pamper Pamper Pamper Pamper

  5. Are you still letting the neighbor break your heartstrings? You’re a singing solid-wood Martin with gold tuners that grows finer with age like a good wine and he’s strumming away like you’re a laminate-topped junker that, if it hasn’t come unglued and fallen apart, will sound the same today as it does fifty years from now (when it still won’t hold a tune).
    It’s hard to imagine your blog without the neighbor. But I hope you relegate him to the archives some day.
    Stay in tune, flower-child.

  6. Hy, hear me out. This is a great idea.
    (this is where I cough.)
    I just got poison ivy, and it reminded me of the time I had it pretty bad all over my body, shaft included. Now, I tell you what, that is some sensation. It itches constantly, and if you scratch it feels incredible and when you get a hard on it’s like you want to rub it raw it hurts so good. It would be a treat for anyone who is getting on your nerves : )
    You might not want to have contact with that penis for a while though.

  7. The pain we have in bad times allows us to realize we had good times. You’ll be up for more good times soon, because they are exactly what makes life so worth living ;-)

  8. :hugs: :sending good vibes:
    Come back when you’re ready. Until then, focus all your energies on the little one, throw your energies into work, or something. Keep strong, dear.

    I hope you find that inner peace asap. Please take care. IBF will be here when you return.

  9. I never want you to feel hollow. I feel your suffering like an old friend you’d rather never see again that always comes back around like a mangy tomcat, roaming around waiting to pounce. You are so strong Hy, my beautiful friend. You are never alone.

    Je t’embrasse,

  10. He’ll love you as soon as you pull away. Thats the paradox of Neighbor.

    As much as I love you and I love your story and I hate that I kinda love the Neighbor, he doesn’t deserve a foursome with you. Every time I picture the excited little grin he gets on his face when you bring it up I wanna slap it off.

    What that guy deserves is a month alone with a bottle of Jergens. And a laundry room glitch so he can’t even wash the sticky off the towel. And then to reuse the towel that is now crustily sharp and causes microscopic lesions to his sweet soft member that coincidentally get stung by the Jergens the next time he hangs out with Jergens instead of you.

    1. I’ve been too quiet and mislead you all: he’s done nothing but be himself. In fact, he’s been lovelier than ever. Fact remains, however, the realization came nonetheless. I’ll share details later today. Thanks for your support!! xx Hy

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