I’m sexier than Liechtenstein.

I’m sure a lot of you got this annual report thingy.  Apparently, I’m more interesting to some people than Liechtenstein. Go figure.

Here’s an excerpt:

About 55,000 tourists visit Liechtenstein every year. This blog was viewed about 230,000 times in 2012. If it were Liechtenstein, it would take about 4 years for that many people to see it. Your blog had more visits than a small country in Europe!

Click here to see the complete report.

But my point in posting this is for more than just tooting my own stupid horn.

First, I’ve been blogging for a little over a year now (my anniversary was 12/17) and I’m more passionate than ever about it.  I hope I can maintain this kind of traffic and interest a year from now and I want to mark where I am now.

Second, a year in review is always relevant at the start of a new year, so why not?  Besides, I have a shit ton of awards and kudos to catch up on that I’ve basically ignored for most of the year (yeah, I’m a dick blogger, remember?).

Third, I also have a blog-content idea I’d like to run by my readers and fellow bloggers.  Who would be interested in participating in a bi-weekly column about online dating?  Email me at hyacinth.jones@hotmail.com if you are and I’ll let you know what my idea is.

Lastly, I wanted to thank all my readers and friends for making this past year utterly wonderful despite the emotional turmoil I was determined to experience.  My Internet Boyfriend is incredible, insightful, sweet, honest, and real.  I’ve made some real, honest to goodness friends — a fact that I never imagined would come to pass — and I have grown as a woman and individual more than if I’d been left alone in my vacuum of self-destruction.  I couldn’t be a luckier gal if I tried.  I mean, fuck.  It’s just awesomeness all around.  Thank you thank you thank you.

So, without being too all over the place, I’m going to list the awards and who gave them to me, but I’m not going to follow all the specific rules.  If I have left you off this list, let me know immediately and I’ll fix it and please accept my apologies in advance.

And, because I have all my favorite of favorites already listed on my Dissolutes tab, I’m asking that you  leave me the names of one or two of your favorite bloggers that I don’t have on my list so I can add them to my More Groovy Bloggers List (see that below).  I’m not going to pass these awards on to 5 or 10 or however many other bloggers because it’s already insanely incestuous around here (and I love it!!), but I want to broaden my reading via this exercise and I want you all to benefit from it, too.  Hopefully it works!

It goes without saying to check out all these terrific writers who passed these [dropped] torches on to me, too.

(Goddamn, I’m such a dick.)

Alictmi-award2e, of Story of Alice, nominated me for a TMI Award a thousand months ago.  It’s for sharing too much.  Probably has something to do with that shat story I wrote about forever ago.

Alice is beautiful, sensual, viscerally cerebral and poetry in 1s and 0s.  Her heart is warm and large and her wiles [nearly] legendary.  Thank you, sweet Alice (I’ll be saying that again before this post is through).

sexy-blogger_3887-lH.H., of My Sex Life With Lola, gave me this BILF Award.  Because everyone wants to fuck a blogger, right? My sexiest post is required by this award, but I’ll give you two options.  First, my most popular, non-squirting-related posts have been by far I was once DVP’d and I was fucked by a stranger.  While blindfolded.  And I was watched.  But one of my personal favorites has always been I made love.  I’m sentimental, I guess.

H.H. is the magical male half of the dynamic, sexy duo of H.H. and Lo.  I imagine he wears tweed as much as I imagine she’s decked out in skimpy lace.  His writing is honest and searching and extremely readable.  I always think he’s keeping something from me.  Thanks for thinking of me with this award, honey.

sunshine-blogger-award1LSAM, of Love, Sex and Marriage, passed on this Sunshine Blogger Award back before she started doing the work of 10 women and actually had time to blog!  It’s a blog awarded to those who make others feel warm and shiny.

LSAM’s writing can be at once provocative (click on her erotica) and also educational.  I always feel like I’ve known her forever when in reality I don’t know her at all.  Good thing that doesn’t matter here in Internetland.  I like her lots.  Thanks, LSAM for the blog love!

the-meta-awesomest-blog-awardThis Meta Awesomest Blog Unicorn Award was given to me by a number of peeps: Alice, whom you’ve met, the of late MIA Deviant of Deviant Diaries, sweet, poignant DW of Deviant Wench, and the intoxicatingly interesting Kayla of Sexual Being.  Thank you ladies for the nominations!  I told y’all I was a fucking dick, right??

This award is in response to the flurry of awards that were going around, I think.  It (as I’m sure the others do, too) requires some random trivia.  I’ll list 5:

  1. I’m a Virgo, Leo rising.  Moon sign is also Leo.  Or Pisces depending on which calculator you use.
  2. I like sauces on the side.
  3. My ears are pierced 11 times, but I almost never wear jewelery.
  4. I am an artist.
  5. I am ridiculously shy.

liebsteraddictive-blog-award Liebster and Addictive Awards were given by the tough cookie, Confessions of Your Husband’s Mistress.

COYHM is both haunting and titillating.  She wanted it to be a cautionary tale, but ended up discovering herself instead.  Thank you for thinking of me :)

versatileblogger1The Versatile Blogger Award – given by the indelible, sexy India of Work Spouse Story is pretty self-explanatory, I’d imagine.

India’s writing is a railroad track through a snowy landscape.  You can just make out where it’s going, but you’re not entirely certain of its destination, but you’re excited to see where you’ll end up nonetheless.  Thanks, girl, for passing this on!

very-inspiring-blogger211The Very Inspiring Award was given by the ever-scrumptious and wonderfully honest Heather and Nikki of Vagina Antics.

Their story of how their friendship came to pass is much like that of their sexual journeys: they’re exactly where they need to be today, and their writings are both succinctly raw and wonderfully whimsical.  Many thanks!

fabulous-award2Lastly, the newest of awards to make the circuit is the Fabulous Gutter Blogger Award created by India and her partner in crime, Dave over at Normal Deviations.  India, sweet and self-flagellating Dawn of Pivoine68, the sensually intellectual Fatal of You Linger Like a Haunting Refrain, and  the deeply raw True of Voirdireblog all thought of me when they had the chance of nominating a blogger.  Thank you all!  I’m humbled.

I apologize again for not following all the specific rules, but as you can see I was a Super Dick this time around and let it all pile up.

And for the grand finale, here are some new blogs I’ve discovered — that are not already on my Dissolutes tab == that I think deserve some attention.

More Groovy Blogs List:

I hope you all get a chance to check out some of these bloggers who aren’t as familiar to us as some others (though, I suspect some of these are some of your favs already, too).

Fuck, this post took goddamned forever to write.  I’m sorry for being such a slacker.  In the future, I’ll be more on top of any niceness sent my way.  I’m not an asshole, I swear!

I’ll end this with yet another big, fat THANK YOU, IBF!  Because I really and truly mean it and without you all — as crazy as it sounds — my life would be very different.

Boobs, sex, pseudo-break-ups, real make-ups, giant cock, and a settled heart will be discussed in the coming days, I promise.



A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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58 thoughts on “I’m sexier than Liechtenstein.
  1. You beat me to doing this. :) I guess that makes me dickier than you! Lol. You have a talent for saying super sweet, things about people with amazing metaphors. Makes me green. :)

    1. “Beat you”?? Jesus, I couldn’t have been slower! lol The first award I listed Alice gave me in April! haha

      Thanks for the metaphor comment :) I try! xx Hy

  2. Thanks Hy! You RULE at linking. I am impressed! (if I didn’t flagellate myself, who would? Ha!)

    Big 2013 Bisous, all the best to you in the New Year.


    1. I don’t know how they do it in France, but here in the States all I do is highlight a word, click on the infinity symbol, and paste the URL ;)

      Love you :) xx Hy

      1. what infinity symbol? In France, everything is programmed to be far more complicated than it actually is. That’s part of the charm I guess!

        Kissing you profusely,

  3. What a wonderful Idea hy to pass along names of intertesting bloggers. I will have to scour my reading list and get back to you. The idating thing sounds interesting, I look forward to seeing it

    Heres to another great year Biggest Hugs Cruel.

  4. Thank you Hy! You are so sweet. I wish there were a “Positive Blogger Award,” you’d take 1st place. I love this post and how much you reflect back joy and enthusiasm. It’s true, I am a fan of tweed and maybe I’m keeping from you the pipe I smoke on occasion.


    1. Are you really a fan of tweed, H.H.?? And a pipe?! Holy hell, that makes my fantasy of you two complete!!

      And I’m not all that cool; I should’ve been spreading this positivity around for months! :) xx Hy

  5. Well, you may think it’s easy being sexier than Liechtenstein, but I’m here to say it ain’t that easy! Think of the history … think of the architecture … think of those fabulous French-German women … all beautifully wrapped in that glorious, tight package … oh my!

    But yes, you ARE sexier. And a better writer. And I love your architecture in all its fabulous flower. So here’s to more of everything in 2013.


      1. Biased? Moi? I should think not! All of my decisions are rational based on hard analysis of the facts, Babe. No touchie-feelie-cumbaya in this corner. You’re just the best. Period. :) <3

  6. Hy, I really can’t thank you enough for basically changing my life. First, you taught me how to squirt. Second, you got me interested in reading again (not just reading Facebook updates and TV guides). Third, you taught me that while its incredibly painful, going through a passionate relationship with one-sided love builds us up to be greater women. Fourth, well I have to give you credit for turning me on often with your outstanding writing and photos (maybe my husband should thank you but let’s face it, my Hitachi gets more action because of you…which leads to my fifth, I got the wand because of you!)

    There is more reasons I love you. Your comments on my blog, especially yesterday’s, are so insightful and loving, I immediately felt better and slipped into self-introspection. It hurts, but we heal and come back better and more strong.

    So thank you, and here is to another year!!

    1. G, this has to be one of the sweetest, kindest comments I’ve ever gotten. You’re very welcome and thank *you* for being out there. Without you, I’d have no reason to keep writing. Biggest, warmest hug to you. xx Hy :)

  7. Happy New Year Hy! Yes, I’ve been MIA….been taking care of business. Making my way back slowly and thanks for bringing me back into the fold with an honorable mention. I’m catching up on all your posts and hoping to find good news…..xoox

  8. See I have 2 blogs. One a good girl blog and one the other kind of good girl that swallows blog.. ahem. If I participate in a meme they blow my page up, well not literally but ya know. I get told all the time they love my writing, my way with words. Then I can post forever and get NADA. I think it is awesome that you reciprocated with other bloggers at the end. I just found you through another blog as well HA imagine that. Now I will have to come back here and read all of those you listed on your review. I’ll be back..

    1. Thanks! So do you! (And I took the liberty of fixing that pesky autocorrect haha.). And the same to you!

      Btw, what’s your pseudonym? There are three of you that I can never seem to figure it out! xx Hy

  9. Unfortunately I’ve also been a Dick blogger a few times, but what a lovely way to catch up, Hy. You really are one of the sweetest most deserving people I know.

    Hope all is well, as always.

    Xoxo <3

  10. Thank you so much for the sweet words, sweet Hy! Just as I was thinking again that I should disappear my blog like a South American dissident, you say something that makes me feel understood and it makes it so much harder to let go.

    Lots of love, little lady, and a fantastic year ahead! xoxo

  11. Damn it took more time even reading all the comments and replies than the own blog :-)

    You’ve got a great blog Hy, an example to all of us and an example of sincerity and natural(ness?).

    Marian’s latest post about visiting you and TN gave me faith back that you’re in a great relationship despites my initial fears. You deserve that. Thank him for me ;-)

    I’m interested by your online dating topic – the story of my life… – but I’d need to know more… With this comment you should have my email :-)

  12. Nice story. Looks like you’re trying to say something but you don’t let it go… :-) I’m curious…

    And one funny thing with women is your insistence in asking something when you want something else… How can’t we feel confused when YOU are? ;-)

  13. Liechtenstein? Liechtenstein???
    Anybody know where it is? You know anybody from there? Been there? Wanted to go? Thought not. Me neither.
    I do know quite a few people that read this blog, however.

    Ha! You’re now going to get a load of hits from people wanting to know about Liechtenstein! They will be so pleased you made this post:-)

      1. All 18,000 males are Liechtensteiner. The 18,000 females are Liechtensteinerin. But with so few, I’m sure they answer to your form of address. Or pretty much anything well intended, I’d think!

  14. I’ve almost got a thousand views. How many people visit North Korea every year?
    Nice, Hy. I admire your dedication to your writing, and wish you whatever makes it better in 2013. Some of your writing under extreme stress and heartbreak has been your best, so, if anything goes badly, look on the bright side. Great stories : )

      1. You’re too kind, but I googled it. North Korea is about twice as popular as I am, according to whatever I quickly scanned. Kim Jong Il is laughing from his grave!

        1. It’s not twice as popular as you with it’s population! If either or both of you become the 1,000th visitor, take your own food. It may have 670 times more people than Hy’s Liechtenstein, but they have about the same amount of food to eat:-( That, nuclear weapons and the 4th largest military in the world. Scary place. They probably don’t even read your blogs it is so bad.

          1. I’ve seen the documentaries, but I don’t think anyone but a North Korean has a very accurate idea of what it’s like to live there. Terrifying and amazing at once, to say the least. My brother recently likened our home to a third world country. We do have a tendency to exaggerate our problems.
            I thought Liechtenstein was probably a philosopher or artist I didn’t know before I read this post, then I remembered.
            I feel myself getting smarter here. I should probably go get high…

  15. I know the awards thingy is a great way to generate traffic but I could never really get into it. But I do appreciate the time-suck you applied here to get all the linkies and such into your tight space.


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