I make a reward and punishment list.

Tomorrow I evaluate The Neighbor’s bathroom. It’s his first assignment and the second time we’ve planned on taking advantage of his newfound submission to me. I’m nervous, so I’ve made a list.

A list to guide me, to give me ideas. A list to bolster my confidence and keep me motivated. And a list to test myself and my own boundaries.

He’s going to discover how serious I am about having a clean toilet seat to put my damn ass on — Jesus fucking Christ I’m tired if staring at C++ books and holding the roll of toilet paper in my hands. The last thing I want to have cross my mind is that he spends time on the toilet. Like time enough to learn something for work while on the toilet. BARF.

Either way it goes, the evening begins with him on his knees, hands behind his back, ass prepped and ready.

It’s anybody’s guess if it will be a tits or no tits night for him. Frankly, I don’t care. This is going to be so goddamned awesome.

I wonder if any other dominant ever makes lists. Or if I’m the only one nervous enough to need a feather in her trunk.

My handwriting needs work, I know.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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46 thoughts on “I make a reward and punishment list.
  1. Making up a list is certainly a good idea … but probably just for yourself. Being prepared is half the battle, a place to start. But I wouldn’t take a hard copy with me. A Domme needs to be flexible after all. If everything is written down it will take away from your mystique. Just let him know you have standards, and he better kneel up to them. Don’t worry if you have to play it by ear a bit … just be Majestic and everything will be fine.


    1. He knows I’ve made a list and I know he’s made at least one trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond.

      It’s such responsibility to be in charge of our pleasure and I certainly don’t want to screw it up!

      1. Just BE IN CHARGE and you won’t screw it up. He doesn’t have to know what’s on the list. Anticipating your demands is a big part of his pre-arousal. Only let him know that you don’t want him to disappoint you. This should be all about making you happy.

        Good luck Babe!

  2. Ok, so I’m the s, but I would say every D has to start somewhere, and if making lists works for you, go for it. But I agree with Mike – do NOT take it with you. Memorize the fucker but stay flexible.

    And if you come in confident because of your list, that adds to your power as the D…and oh, the power of the D (to the s) is fucking awesome…it makes us want to submit even more…

    Plus, there are no real rules in D/s except safe, sane, and consensual…I’m sure there are plenty of other Ds in this world who have made a list or two…

    Yay! I’m so happy for you…and looking forward to the follow up post (hint, hint)…

    1. Absofuckingloutly do not take the list with you. Do not even elude to its physical existence. The “list” is a magical power that you can add to or erase from as it suits YOU. There is only one list and it is omniscient in its own right.

      1. I wasn’t planning on taking the list with me, but I’m lad he knows it exists. He’s curious,turned on about it, and even a little nervous, which is perfect.

  3. As it has been stated, all D types have to start somewhere. Making a list is cool if it makes you feel more in the head space. I don’t ask Sir about his methods, but I’m sure he has them. I know he knows my limits, and goes from there. Sometimes I can tell he makes things up on the fly, because he didn’t expect me to be petulant, or naughty. Sometimes, I know, he’ll become fixated on something… on doing something to me or with me. If it is a punishment, I will find myself in trouble as soon as he’s ready for me to be.

    These things will eventually become like breathing, my darling, but you’re really doing a bang up job. Just remember, you’re the D-type, he’s the s-type. Back up what you say… even if he’s petulant, and especially if he’s defiant. I can’t wait to read more. As if I wasn’t already hanging on your every word. <3


    1. The most powerful thing you said to me here is to remember our types. I’m not accustomed to being tested in a regular dynamic and I get caught off guard. I may tattoo this advice to my palms :) xx Hy

  4. Hy Dear, I have to resist the urge to spill my guts lest all my secrets become common knoweldge. Mystery is power. TN has already submitted and he has chosen you to be his Domme. All that is left is for you to fill that role. There is always a list its mental and always present. You are not obligated to share your reasons for doing something but you should have a reason you wouldn’t want to have to get caught explaining you didn’t have one. There is so much to learn but its enough that you have each other to explore this new experience. As stated before it is easy to underestimate the power D/s has on both parties involved. It is your role to keep this train on the tracks in a safe, sane and consensual manner

    Much love


    1. He’s “submitted”, not SUBMITTED. We’re getting there, slowly, but surely. He giggles a lot, and is very happy with my control, but his nervousness is still there. I’m more than willing to be patient and wait for him to release more, but we’re not there yet.

      I have to be steady and give him enough to latch onto. This is such a dance :)

  5. What Cruel said here:
    Knowing why someone is being difficult is even harder to learn but well worth the effort to learn given the insight it brings.
    sounds like the real work in that dynamic. I would imagine you have to go into a Matrix mode – see the machine but act in the moment – I don’t think I could do that. Its mothering, parenting and mentally fucking and sex and emotions all at once…I need a drink pondering that! Then again, I have no idea what I’m talking about. You do have a “carrot” leading you in this pursuit. That sounds like I mean his body but I mean him. (Hey Hy – don’t look now but you’re having a blast – happy and he’s happy with you.) Congrats my lovely friend.

      1. Maybe you need to wear a black trench coat – hey, you need a D look – uniform so to speak when you’re in that mindset. Something to visually and emotionally separate you as D – not Hy. I would think you need to delineate your roles somehow.

          1. An outfit or piece of clothing to signal your power – a silent yet clear signal to get his immediate attention – thats hot Hy!! I think men in our society can feel such pressure and I totally understand a man’s desire to let go of power and be submissive. I would guess that each person has their own cocktail of reasons to be submissive. Shit, GIVE me a cocktail and I’ll be submissive! Ha!

  6. Lists? Me? No way! I don’t need lists. I mean, unless you count shopping lists, lists of rules, lists of punishments, lists of strategies to get attention without asking for it… :)

    In particular, this one sounds similar to what you discuss above — it was a list of punishment approaches, that might help me develop a list of punishments. I guess it was a list rough draft that turned into a list final draft?

    I wonder if I have a list of lists somewhere…

  7. PS: You don’t need “mystique” if you don’t have it or don’t want it. You can damn well bring your list if you want to, or you can leave it at home. It’s all your choice.

    While I do understand and appreciate some of the advice above, don’t feel like you have to be magical or mysterious if you aren’t or if you don’t feel like it.

    If a submissive requires magic or mystery to be submissive, then he should go see if David Copperfield is available to dominate him. Sure, it’s nice sometimes, but it’s not required.

      1. Mike, after 14 months, I doubt I have any mystery left. What I do have in my favor is surprise.

        I didn’t take DD’s response as talking me out of anything. I actually greatly appreciated her advice. I’m not starting from scratch, this is starting after a long, arduous year with this kid. I WANT him to see a little behind the curtain so he can see my seriousness AND get on board.

        He’s never done anything quite like this before and he needs to see his role in the exchange. He shuts down otherwise.

    1. Thank you so much for this. I don’t feel mysterious whatsoever with him. It’s so new for us right now that I believe his buy-in and understanding will be more easily obtained if he still feels like he knows what might happen to him. He hasn’t completely let go and given over to me yet, and based on everything I’ve read, that’s based on trust and me proving myself. I’m down with that.

      I’ve never been very good at card tricks anyway. I tend to want to share the secret haha.

  8. I’m forwarding this to Nikki. She is going to LOVE IT! She’s headed off to meet her Mr. Kink and Domme his ass for the first time “formally.” She has many of the same worries that you do. It’s new territory beyond their switching in the bedroom. SQUEE! I’m so excited for you both!

  9. When I first started domme-ing, I made so many lists! It just makes you feel more prepared and centered. Reading blogs is also a good way to get ideas :]
    I’m also only 20, so I’m still working on being as confident as I want to be, but I just wanted to say that silence and taking a few moments to think of something new is not a bad thing. I would always panic, when I couldn’t think of anything dominant to do and that would just make me anxious, then I still couldn’t think, etc. But if you can’t think of something, it’s always nice to just go tell them to sit somewhere while you watch them and gather your thoughts. I’m always looking forward to reading about your next encounter! Good luck, although I don’t think you need it.

    1. Thanks, Tonguetied. It’s difficult to remember sometimes that I have to do this alone; I can’t break character, so to speak, but you’re right. I can take a pause and gather myself. It’s hard, though, because he’s nervous and defiant… I’m still trying to figure this out.

      Sounds like you’re well on your way at 20!!

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