I’m an asshole who needs you.

I don’t talk much about my “real” life here.  A Dissolute Life Means… is for my heart, my pussy, and my creativity.  For you all.  Nearly every word I write is true save for some creative juggling for story flow.

For better or worse, what I write here is my life, though – Me – but it never reflects what happens outside the walls of my apartment.  Today, I am going to break down that wall a little.

My real life, the one that demands I pay bills on time and keep a roof over my head, is speeding ahead of my slow-moving career and I am forced to open up this space for accepting payments from readers for what I produce here.

That’s the bottom line.

And that bottom line looks like a vast, black yawning hole of failure if I can’t buy myself some more time while I continue to work hard to get my career going full steam ahead.

I wrote another long post apologizing and explaining why I had to do this, but it doesn’t matter.  Not really.  Simply put, I’m asking for some support if you want to give it.

So, I sit here like an asshole with my hand out.  To you, my readers and friends, hoping you have $10 to spare every once in a while for the writer who delivers herself and her art to you every week for free.

I want to cry just writing that sentence.  Good thing I’ve squirreled myself away into the corner of this coffee shop.

I did not come to this decision lightly.  It’s a sign of my seriousness, the precarious situation that I currently find myself in, that I’m trying to figure out how to monetize this thing that I love so much. — I’ve even asked my exhusband to help with childcare expenses by covering the total for the next six months instead of splitting it with me, but he said No.  “You should be able to support yourself.  I don’t want to get involved in this,” he said not unkindly.  It’s easy to say that when you make six figures; not so easy to hear when you make $0.

But, he’s right, so here I am: asking for you to put a dollar amount to the work I do here, because as much as it’s a labor of love, it is also work.   My creative work, to be sure, and I have been only this proud of two other things in my life: Peyton and the fledgling career I’m currently nurturing and hoping more than anything takes flight sooner rather than later.

The only thing I can think of is to call it the Wine and Writing Fund because, let’s face it, I’m not without my sense of humor.  And I get fucking thirsty from time to time.

UPDATE: A reader has asked that I tell you how to support me in detail and to also make the button more obvious.

I’ve put a Click Here button on my upper right hand side bar under the Wine and Writing Fund heading. Click there and you can send me a gift through PayPal.

Your personal information will be dumped immediately.  Discretion — as you all know — is my middle name.

UPDATE #2 4/23/14: It’s been a little more than a year since I broke down and asked you all for some support and I want to thank every one of you that sent me some.  The truth is, however, that I still need it.  I am not yet solvent and every month I am in the red and if it weren’t for a savings account I got in my divorce settlement I would have had to move in with  my parents two years ago.  But that money is now about to run out and I will have no emergency funds in a handful of months.  Hopefully by then I will be solvent, but my career cannot be rushed.  I am doing literally everything I can think of to grow it (and it is growing), but it moves at a snail’s pace.  All this to say, if you can find it in your heart and pocketbooks to send me a few extra dollars every so often, I would greatly appreciate it.  xx Hy

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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37 thoughts on “I’m an asshole who needs you.
      1. Ha – I can’t. It’s against WP TOS agreement. I can’t do any kind of third-party advertisers and because I’m mature content, I can’t do those stupid pay-per-click things they insert into posts, either.

    1. Thanks, Mike. I disagree with you on the first. On the second, just click on the link I have on the right sidebar. It’s not a subscription; it’s a gift. You’re way too kind. xx Hy

  1. Reblogged this on Normal Deviations and commented:
    I’m gonna quote a sadly departed friend of mine, ’cause I think it fits: “We take care of our own.”

    Sometimes we do that by spending our time with encouragement or words of support for those here that matter. At times it’s deeper caring. Sometimes, it’s more emotional investment than that. More rarely, it is tangible things – for some reason we’re more reluctant to part with those, even though we can always get more. Especially compared to the other gifts we’ve given that we can never get more of: our individual time.

    Hy’s someone who could use some of that tangible support right now. I don’t normally repost stuff in this manner, but this one is a stand I’m gonna take. If you follow her (or learn to follow her from this repost), and appreciate what she writes, see if you can find it in yourself to give a little that she tangibly needs right now. If my opinion carries weight, consider this my endorsement of her as a person.

  2. Reblogged this on You Linger Like a Haunting Refrain and commented:
    Signal boosting for my sweet, sweet Hy. The writing she produces is quality work and I consider this more making her a paid professional–something she deserves to be, rather than a gift.

    If you can’t help, at least head on over and drop a line of encouragement. She’s a peach.


  3. First of all let me go smack the ex. In this state if you are the father you are responsible for half of child care costs.. soo he could pony up. Secondly I would absolutely pay you if I could. I love coming to read you, but like you things are tight here as well. Doesn’t it suck. We do this because we love it, we love the flow of words and the arousal of the body at them and can’t seem to catch a break doing it.

    1. Oh, he pays for half, I was asking him to help me out for the next 6 months and cover 100% of childcare. He’s not a bad guy, just one who doesn’t like to part with his money. But who is??

      I am determined to make my art into my job one way or another :)

  4. Hey Hy,
    For some reason the link doesn’t work for me. Even when I’m logged in it says it can’t complete the action or some blah blah about restarting my activity.
    Can you post the full link?

  5. Following your dreams is always difficult. if it weren’t we would call is something other than “dreams.” I applaud your efforts and look forward to a day that I CAN support you in your endeavors. Best of luck! You’re doing more than I can for myself…

  6. I LOVE your blog and will be happy to contribute. :) I am a single mom myself and completely understand the desire to stand on your own two feet and be a strong, independent woman. That said, math is math and if his income is significantly more than yours..well, fair is fair, and that doesn’t necessarily equal 50/50. It is all just numbers at the end of the day. Don’t feel like you’re asking him for ‘help’. It’s merely his rightful contribution to your child’s life, which is something that is equally important to the both of you. Good luck and try not to stress. :) Things ALWAYS have a way of working out.

  7. Hy….this is probably one reason I don’t blog as much. A) i’m not as good of a writer as you are and B) Its a lot of damn work and I don’t have the time since I have my kids all the time (dad doesn’t live in our state so I never catch a break). I too am really struggling financially and was supposed to be trying to turn my fledgling writings into a book…but life got in the way and there just isn’t time to carve out for that. If I can, I will try to send you something more than undying gratitude for putting this blog up for us to selfishly enjoy. I feel guilty to keep reading if I’m not helping out….

    1. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. I also get reimbursed via friendships and connections, yours most certainly among them. So don’t you dare. I’ll deny a payment from you :) xx Hy

  8. I’d seen it, dind’t think more about it, you know, own problems yaddi yadda…
    I cannot do much more at the moment than offer support. You know you’ve helped me tremedously, and for that I’m indebted to you.
    I agree about the fact that, if your incomes are very disproposrtionate, he should pay for more than half. He should pay for the proportion of the cost that matches the proportion of your incomes.
    Someone was also talking about putting up ads and you said you cannot on WP… But you’re now self-hosted, aren’t you? Does that change a thing?!
    Big hugs and good luck. I do realise how much work it takes to write a blog. I really wish I could help you financially. But it’s not going to happen until I get my own settlement. When this is done though, I’ll make sure to send in something. I’ll feel good giving back some of his money to a sex blogger. He would highly disapprove ;-)

    1. Aw, thanks Dawn. It’s much better financially these days, but still not 100% ok. I fear the worst constantly and second guess every cent I spend. That vacation I just took was WAAAAY more expensive than I’d planned :( Oh well! Thanks for all the loving support you give already! xx Hy

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