He gets on his knees.

“Do you want me on my knees in front of the fireplace?” he asked sweetly.

“I’m not sure,” I answered, thoughtful. “I plan on being out late tonight and drinking.”

“Well, ok. Just let me know.” I gave him the customary swat out the door and clicked the lock behind him.


When I go back a year and read my posts, my yearning for something is palpable. I wanted connection, love, trust, passion. I was locked in a terrible embrace with fear of loss and all it entails and The Neighbor was a complicit partner.

He was uncommunicative and distant. He liked to taunt me, torture me and basically flog my ego until I would literally beg for parts of him, at which point he might deign to humor me. Or possibly not.

What I didn’t know then, that I’m beginning to understand now, is that my offered position of subservience kept him away and it never had the potential to draw him nearer like I hoped. He wanted me on top. Always. Somewhere near his marrow he is some kind of submissive.

He needs me to be in charge, confident and independent, not simpering and desperate for attention. He needs me to think of him and his pleasure first. I need his trust and for him to need me.

Since the sun has risen on this slumbering side of me I feel taller — I’m the tallest 5’5″ woman you know — and I am no longer scared of him walking off. Maybe I’ll walk off instead.

And now my stark, raving fear has gone away like the steam from a kettle. I am gentle. I am strong. I am changing. I make the decisions.

The shift isn’t perceptible to the outside. It’s a private contract we’ve signed between each other. When he calls me “Ma’am” in public I swell with pride and excitement. The rules are making themselves known with each step; I could never have laid them all out myself.

One thing is clear: I’m more in love with him than ever.


“I’m coming to get you. Text me the address,” he said, his deep voice clear and vibrant.

It hadn’t been the plan at all, but he’d been texting me all night asking my whereabouts and my ETA and things weren’t going according to plan.

Apparently, he was coming to rescue me from the hipster-clogged streets and over-extended taxis. I would soon be in his kneeling arms after all.

Thirty minutes later he pulled up in his dark luxury car at the end of the street and my friend and I hopped in, to be greeted by his boyish face dusted with whiskers and split with a smile.

We lavished thanks on him and he was gracious and kind as he dropped off my friend. When she was gone, the silent whisper of the car taunted me to rub the bulge between his legs. My white knight in a black car was aroused.

Moving shadows played across his face, his thick hands gripped the steering wheel, and I continued to make him grow.

We parked and climbed the stairs. He fondled my bottom and I giggled. A pat and a tickle. A love and a whisper.

A minute later, naked and pressed against him my body flexed and received him. Ever ready, always wet at the slightest glance, we both exclaimed as he pressed deep inside of me.

“I’m not going to look away,” I said, more to myself than him and my lashes fluttered.

His broad shoulders over me, his arms locked and flexed, his beautifully shadowed face nodded approval. Then he began to move.

The flower of my passion opened like the hussy that she is and I dug my nails into his flanks to draw him ever closer. His tempo increased and he hitched my ankles up to his shoulders and pile drove into me.

Bloom after bloom of little g-spot fireworks peppered me from the inside and I coasted for a minute like a rag doll. I begged him to stop, said I was going to die, but never truly cried uncle. The torture was too sweet.

I grabbed his head and pulled his face down to mine and kissed him passionately.

“Ok, stop. Stop for real,” I panted. He instantly stilled and waited. For me.

“Get on your knees,” I whispered. “I want your cum on my tits. Now.” He raised his eyebrows for a second, but didn’t hesitate. Slowly he pulled out and kneeled to my left. This wasn’t the kneeling man I’d envisioned earlier, but this was a beautiful man.

I leaned over and grabbed the Hitachi and the head buzzed noisily on my clit as his hand became a blur above me.

“Oh my god, you are so hot, Hy,” he gritted out. I closed my eyes to imagine the sight we made: a creamy and muscled man, with dark hair across his chest, his tree-trunk legs spread wide and kneeling, his hand fapping at his enormous erection like a teenager with a box of porn and me, a thickly curved woman on her back, breasts large and plump like domes of Jell-O, knees slightly splayed, breath heavy, eyes closed beneath her dark and staring lover.

My revery was broken by a lusty, “I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum on your tits.”

“Cum on my face,” I offered.

He exploded and cried out and I closed my eyes as semen rained down on me, landing on my breasts, my jaw, and my cheek.

He fell forward and giggled a little. I pressed the wand down harder and concentrated as the jizz’s magic heat began to cool on my skin. He laid down beside me and made little patterns in it over the swells of my breasts and the flat stretch of my chest. He followed the trail up to my jaw and kissed some off of me.

My build jumped forward and I chuckled that a glob was under my eye. Carefully, he wiped it away and closed his mouth over mine. My pussy clenched and I inhaled the fragrance of his seed and remembered the look in his eyes moments before and I came long and hard in his arms and to his words of encouragement.


I am not the boss of him — I can’t make him do anything he doesn’t really want to do, but my loss of fear has opened me up to the possibility of being something else for a change: myself.

Dominance and submission, compersion via swinging, good old fashioned vanilla, a blowjob and a handjob. It doesn’t matter what I do so long as I’m real, so long as I’m me.

And me — I think — is a horny, self-esteemed, loving, curious, bashful schmuck who is no longer afraid of losing someone because she’s sorta found a little more of herself.

Fancy fucking that.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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24 thoughts on “He gets on his knees.
    1. Dave! I’ll make you a deal. Tomorrow I’ll [finally] post those pics I promised you days ago and you promise to not feel self-conscious. This group is a good one, you know that! xx Hy

  1. Hyacinth, my god your writing, just fucking…rocks. I’m not even going to try to be eloquent today. I’m glad to see Cruel Intentions commented above, I’ve been a fan of his perspective since I started following you. He has always been right on that you could never change TN, but you could change your frame of reference or your reactions to him. It seems you have made a lot of headway in taking more care to trust in yourself in so many ways…

    I have to say– whether this makes you feel bashful or whether it makes me sound weird– in my mind you are always ten steps ahead of me in discovering things within yourself (needs, sexual, relationship, or otherwise). I’ve had a lot of thoughts you described above in the past week or two, but putting them to words has been almost impossible for me. I’ve tried, over and over. So thank you, I guess, for putting those thoughts and feelings into words for me. :)

    1. G, you are so kind and generous with your praise and support. My perspective seems to swing like a pendulum. Some days, like when I wrote this post, I feel squared away and solid in my own perspective, my own power in the situation. Other days, I get shaken up.

      I have to work to remain in the present and enjoy my meal; it simply won’t keep. xx Hy

      1. Well I do save my praise for really deserving folks, and I mean every bit.

        I guess I am the same in my oscillation perspective, I should go back and read the post again to see if it resonates in a different way today.

  2. I don’t know how to write this as I’m not a wordsmith like you, but I found this post so beautiful and encouraging. The full metamorphosis of this relationship is just now hitting me. Heck, it may even work out. The beautiful Hy butterfly emerging is rapidly flapping her gorgeous wings and is finally finding herself. So wonderful.


  3. Wow… you really took me by surprise with this one. Right up until I read “My white knight in a black car was aroused.” I was expecting a very different story than what actually took place from that point on. Very hot, very arousing, and very well written. You really got to me…

    I also like the positive message of your own self discovery and personal growth at the end. Good luck with continuing in that direction.

      1. At first, it seemed like your man wanted to become more submissive, while you became more dominant in the relationship, and I thought that the sexual interaction between the two of you would reflect these roles.

        But what actually took place was more of an exchange of masculine and feminine sexual interaction based upon equality, instead of more one sided dominant and submissive roles. That is what surprised me, and I enjoyed reading your description of the physical relationship that came as a result.

        1. Ah, yes. My dominance is very finessed; I top from the bottom, let him lead occasionally. My allowance is the dominance in our interactions. It’s strange and exciting. I’m glad my writing seemed to reflect a little of that. I certainly tried for that.

          And again, thank you :)

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