I had tears in my ears.

On a bright spring afternoon in March we met The Greens.  He was tall and dynamic, she was short and vibrant with a sheet of shiny brown hair to her waist.  The Neighbor and I arrived first, ordered our cheap beers and picked a spot facing the door.  I was nervous and excited.

That afternoon I flirted with a taken man and watched TN flirt with another woman.  He and I sat shoulder to shoulder as he animatedly discussed Crossfit with her.  Her partner and I rolled our eyes at their workout comparisons and smoked his hand-rolled cigarettes.

I couldn’t tell if I was doing any of it right.  I felt at once natural with Mr. Green and also highly unbalanced with TN.  Watching him engage with another woman and to show interest while theoretically ok with me wasn’t going down as sweetly in reality. Then I felt his leg press against my thigh and with it a swell of assurance; the grip of worry I’d begun to feel relaxed and I was able again to wonder what this new man would feel like between my thighs.

We all ordered another round and kept talking until TN and I had to leave to catch a flick.  We hugged, said we wanted to see each other again, and made tentative plans in a few weeks.

In the car TN fondled my breasts as we raced down the highway.  I told him how confusing it was to see him flirt with another woman, but how I wanted it to happen, how it needed to happen in order for this whole thing to leave the ground.  Mrs. Green was the wildcard in the group, mercurial and sensitive, and she would require a lot of attention from TN.  And I would have to be ok with that.

TN told me how proud of me he was, how beautiful and awesome he found me.  He said things men should never say if don’t intend to stay.  “You will always be preferred, Hy.  Forever.”

After the movie, we went home, to my home, and peeled off our clothes, found each other in the darkness, and flew away on the wings of his giant, magical cock.  He mounted me like a rutting animal and pinned me to the mattress until my head swam with many orgasmic fireflies.  “You’re such a good girl, Hy,” he growled.

My heart burst and I came under his tutelage and my angry Hitachi and sobs ripped through me.  How is it, I wondered, I continue to be stuck in this lovely purgatory with him?  How can I get us out?  I cried and cried as pleasure swept through me like an asshole, as if to say, This is why.  You are weak and can’t give this up.

Not yet recovered he demanded I have another one.  He hooked his fingers inside of me and I burst around his hand like a berry.  Dazed and confused with lust I felt him press the wand back into my hands.  I shook my head, but he nuzzled my neck and said, “Yes.”

I flipped the switch on and bucked under the vibration.  When it ripped through me my heart ached again in equal measures and I cried more fat tears which pooled in my ears like little petals catching morning dew.

I lay there and heaved, clawed for composure, and thought about this strange relationship I’ve built around our fears: his fear of my life, my fear of being left.  If I keep it like this, just outside of real, then when it goes away it won’t matter as much, right?  If I offer him everything he could ever want, it won’t be personal when it ends.  I cried some more at my own sad cognitive acrobatics.

We hung out with the Greens once more after that; they made us dinner.  TN got high for the first time and I watched the night go from next to nothing to completely nothing.  True to form, Mrs. Green was the deciding factor and I knew the second I laid eyes on her that night that nothing was going to happen between all of us.  Mr. Green and I watched it flicker away despite our efforts and chemistry, and the kiss he gave me on the corner of my mouth was a sweet farewell.

I’m still looking for something more with TN.  More commitment, more spice, more sex, more partners, more everything.  Without it all, it’s easy to keep wanting it.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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31 thoughts on “I had tears in my ears.
  1. For me sometimes the release is So Intense I cry like there is no tomorrow. Did you have any converstion/connection with Mrs.Green? Do you think you it’s over with the Green’s, or is there more to cum?

    1. No, we didn’t really connect. I dug her alright, but that was it. I’m beginning o think that in these situations we both need to woo the woman.

      1. From my personal experience. I believe it’s just as important to connect with the “Other Female”. I believe when a couple meets for the first time for a potential sexual swap. I engage her first, this gives me the opportunity to see where she’s at, and to build the connection. By me doing this she gaines my trust and 9 times out of 10 if the chemistry is right for all parties involved, you will be playing in no time.
        This also lets her know and re-assures her this is strictly play, or what ever boundries you set. Especially if you are single (not married). I must admit as I’m married, if I were meeting a couple that were not in a committed relationship, and didn’t make a connection with the female I may wonder if she has any adgenda, especially if she sensed that you had chemistry with her husband.

          1. It is funny you posted this today because this afternoon I had a big blowout with my husband regarding being with another couple, actually it happened right before I read your post. I think I’m the Mrs. Green in our situation. My stomach aches from this all.

          2. You’re totally allowed to be Mrs. Green. Neither TN nor I cultivated her. I was struggling with my own issues and poor TN, as adorable as I find him, doesn’t honestly have any game :)

          3. Thank you! It just feels like another situation where I’m a commodity rather than an equal player. Even though I’ve been “checked in with” along the way. I’m sure TN would make me wet, talking about crossfit gets my heart racing (just kidding), but this husband looks like Yogi Bear…OMG I made myself LOL with that, it is so true! I hate that looks are important to me, but they are…and dick size.

          4. Never compromise that shit, girl. He needs to be attractive and have a nice cock (whatever that means to you). It’s supposed to be fun for everyone. You’re not just a hole, after all…

            In our case, I suspect she couldn’t see past some of TNs more obvious “flaws”. He’s short(ish) and pale and very, very nice. Little does she know what a maniac he is naked.

            And that’s ok. There will be another couple for us. And there will be other men for you, too!

          5. See, this makes me just want to meet them in person. Because when you say that TN has flaws they just come out sounding cute and endearing. I never should judge solely by pictures he chose to send. And I’m sorry, I’m not really hung up on cock size, that much, it just sounded good at the moment when I made myself laugh by being a bitch about his looks…
            I think what happened is she was intimidated by your beauty and thought her husband was too interested. I would do that too…even though I don’t want to be that person it will feel right at the moment.

          6. Oh lord! haha I have no idea what was going on for her. She just wasn’t feeling it. She had a tight little CrossFit body, I do NOT (as you know). But it’s ok. Life has a way of leveling out in the end anyway.

          7. Hey well maybe you and TN can meet JK and Sofia someday, that would be an amazingly fun experience I suspect. If only I lived in CA….;)

          8. I would love to make that happen with them. If TN ever comes with me to SF (yeah, right), maybe JK and I can make it happen.

  2. You make me feel like I’m missing something when I read about your tears and orgasms. It reminds me of these wedding shows I see, where the bride cries when she puts on the right dress.Maybe I haven’t had the right orgasm. xxx

      1. Do you feel sad over the nature of you and TN’s relationship? Or are you just over come with a general feeling of sadness when you have an intense orgasm? (Sorry, just learning) xxx

  3. Those times when you have sadness pop up in a seemingly “happy” situation make the sadness more than sadness. When that happens to me, I’m a little unbalanced for a bit when that happens to me. It sounds like you do have fun with TN. I just wish it was happiness as deep as the ocean so the sadness was drowned before it reached your eyes. You’re a great person Hy. I just wanted to share that. xo, Jayne

    1. Aw, Jayne, thank you :) I have a ton of fun with him, which makes the limitations of our relationship that much more apparent. I think you’re pretty terrific, too!

      1. I guess thats what I meant – how something-whatever it is, that triggers the apparent limitations. I hate that. ; ) It seems to pop up out of seemingly disparate situations. or obviously opposite ones. Seeing or being in certain situations puts focus on different aspects of your own life or relationship. Yada yada yada – I love your imagery – I always have. I think in pictures.

  4. Gorgeous sweet Hy, many hugs. The powerful imagery of tears cooling in your earlobes left me with such a feeling of dispair. Yet, your post was arousing. You are confusing my senses and its a wonderful feeling…hugs again.

    1. Aw, thanks, G! I had no idea I was doing that, but it makes me smile a big, fat smile. I like that my art is well-received by at least one person out there. xx Hy

  5. That 4-way chemistry is tough – and yes, I do think that the other woman is the deciding factor (I’ve been in “her” spot and in yours). I agree that it does seem to be about the women at first…sort of primal I suppose – that whole “figuring out your territory” thing and dealing with sharing it to everyone’s benefit. It’s very emotional and can bring you and your man closer. I know that after we have encounters, Mr. LL and I usually have some pretty intense sex and conversations for several days.

    1. And I hadn’t fully grasped this concept until that night when we left empty handed. In the future, I’ll make sure she’s very happy.

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