Being dominant over The Neighbor often reminds me of parenthood. Much like the average parent, I end up screwing myself because of my strict adherence to consistency and follow-through (widely accepted as the parenting practices that will fuck up your life the least).
For example, a child won’t stay in his seat during dinner out, instead wanting to eat on the floor under the table and count ABC gum.
The mother says, “Jimmy, please sit on the seat. It’s not ok to do that here.” Jimmy ignores her.
Mom asks, then eventually orders Jimmy to get his butt in the booth. Jimmy is unfazed and continues to ignores her.
Finally Mama Bear has to put down the gauntlet: if this, then that.
“JIMMY,” she says, “if you don’t sit up there right now, WE’RE LEAVING.” Shit.
Maybe Mom is really enjoying her sushi lunch, but because she just laid down that ultimatum, she’s given Lil’ Jimmy the power to end her lunch because SHE HAS TO FOLLOW THROUGH or else he will never listen to her again and there will be weeks of whining in her future.
And there’s the rub.
She overshot the mark and accidentally got herself right in the arse.
Much like I’ve done.
TN jerked off without me the other night and didn’t follow any of the guidelines for that situation and therefore I was required to punish him.
I must have been drunk or just coming out of surgery because I could only come up with this brilliant idea:
I love sending him pics of my tits and let him knead the big doughy things that they are pretty much any time he likes, but I don’t want to seem like a total dipshit in all of this, so I’ve bitten my tongue and followed through and now we skip 1st base and I can only send him something like this until Wednesday:
I’m pretty sure I’ve ruined my own sushi lunch.
Next time, I’ll make sure to make the punishment catered just to him so I can avoid any ricochet shrapnel. Something like he can’t wear any of his nice new underpants, or he has to clean my apartment, fold my laundry. Or maybe, I’ll require 10 minutes of cunnilingus before he can stick it in. Hmm, now that has a nice ring to it!
What do you guys think?