July was really great in a “woohoo I don’t have any deadlines!” kind of way and then August sneaked up on me and Bam! The first Friday was come and gone, then Whoosh! The second Friday was toast, too.
I don’t know what happened, honestly. I feel disconnected, discombobulated. I can’t tell if it’s because of my mental state or if it’s because my blogging community, once at my fingertips, is now sometimes unavailable to me.
My mental state, let’s be honest, is shitty, at best. I have long inner dialogues with The Neighbor about taking a break. I imagine tears on both sides as I explain how starved I feel and pitiful whenever I get the smallest bone. A little hug closer, anyone?
I keep wondering if the problems with my gut this week — which have been the most severe of my life — aren’t someone directly connected to the twisted, painful mess in my heart. I wouldn’t be surprised.
I’m exhausted and feel as though I’m a giant bag of whiny. My blog hasn’t been ME all year. First with Sonofabitch then with telling TN about the blog. I haven’t really known what to say here. I certainly haven’t felt it was safe like it was. It’s felt different somehow.
Then I moved to self-hosted, something I had to do in order to protect my identity. It was the only way. And with a few keystrokes I lost so much access to my blogging friends. I am remote 99% of the time, meaning I use my phone to interact with your blogs, but that has been severely limited since moving to self-hosted.
Do you remember when I was able to keep up with your tales? All my likes and little comments? Yeah, well, sometimes I’m not even given a link to open in Safari. I think, I’ll go back and look it up, just let me scroll down and comment/like what I can first and then I inevitably forget. I feel like a shit friend to you all.
And that brings us back to Boobday. Having accidentally missed August has made me realize how much good it brought in my life; hosting a little meme that brought women together, bolstered their self-confidence, and gave a teeny little community of cheerleaders was gold. I want that back, but less intensely.
I’d like to bring Boobday back, but this time only the last Friday of every month. That means, Friday, August 29th, will be the next Boobday! The theme will be OPEN, so be as creative or traditional as you like.
Hopefully I haven’t driven you all away with my emo bullshit lately and you’ll still be willing and able to participate. Just label your emails with “August Boobday” and we can go from there.
My hope is to sort out things with TN sooner rather than later, resolve my bellyache so I can stop bellyaching, and reconnect with everyone I hold so dear. All of you who have commented and contributed over the years are all in my heart and my mind. I can remember almost every single commenter, prolific or fleeting. You are important to me. And I hope to prove it in the coming months.