I lost to bacon.

Don’t laugh, but when given the choice between sex and food, the Bad Texter chose food.

We met at his friends’ restaurant and ordered a couple of sandwiches — both of which had bacon — and a couple of ciders.  We sat down and I could see his energy was low, but he was there meeting me long after he normally grabs lunch and usually when he’s napping from an early morning work call.  It was a real show of chivalry and interest.

His sherry-colored eyes held onto my blue ones as we laughed and shot the shit for an hour and a half.  After our second cider he finally cried uncle.  “I have to get out of here,” he said.  I could almost see the little tiny men hanging on his lashes trying to shut his eyes.

We walked out into the blazing sun and I offered to walk him to his car parked a few ahead of mine.  He insisted on walking me to mine, maybe me convincing him to allow me to pay for lunch was enough for him.

I gently grabbed his elbow and walked proudly beside his towering height and when we stopped by my car he put his paw on my waist and pulled me in.  I’d been dying for him to touch me our entire lunch; he’d missed many innuendos that I’d had to lamely point out directly.

“Yeah, bowling isn’t really a sport, so I can’t exactly say I work out much,” he’d admitted.

“Well, there are lots of other, more fun ways to work out, you know,” I’d said suggestively.  But he’d missed it entirely.

“Yeah, but those hurt.”

“Not the clothing optional kind,” I said more bluntly.  He’d grimaced shyly.  “Are you picking up what I’m putting down now?” I asked.

“Um, yeah… I’m kinda dumb like that,” he chuckled looking chagrined.

But out under the blazing noon sun in the street he pulled me into his mass and dipped his head to kiss me.  He wasn’t missing a thing now.

His lips were soft and warm and I melted into him.  He’s a wonderful kisser.

“You know,” I said into his mouth pulling away just a little.  “I want it to be noted that today you chose food over sex.”  I lifted my face back up to his and reconnected with him and we laughed into our kiss.

“I know,”  he paused and we looked at each other.  “I was dying.  Catch me at 11 and I’d be all over it.”  We kissed again and I pulled him against my body before releasing him.

He thanked me for lunch and I unlocked my car as he walked away.  “Text me when you get back in town!” I called after him.

“Of course,” he answered.

Ordinarily I would end my tale — very Hy like — here, but that would be taking a lot of creative liberty to the whole story.  I had planned on today to be our last meeting; it felt right.  The more I like him, the less I feel it’s going to work out.  There are so many logistical things at play that seem insurmountable and completely at odds, but I like him.  I have not felt this at ease with someone in, well, years.  And being turned down for sex, while shocking and not a little disappointing, is so foreign to me I want to know more about this man.

He actually wants to just hang out with me.  What??  Who does that?  (This also raises the question: Is bacon better than sex??)

Men only want a piece of me!  They don’t want to have casual meetings where we snuggle a little and kiss goodbye as we walk out of a building.  My typical dates include a vetting meet-n-greet and then down to business: when and where will we put penis in vagina multiple times?  They never demand more from me and I never offer it.

This guy — a smart, numbers guy, introvert, with a dry sense of humor and wicked intelligence — draws me in like a bee to nectar.  I want to coat myself in his pollen.  No one can argue that I don’t have a type.  Brilliant introverts: I loves them.

I’m ridiculously busy tomorrow and then he leaves for the weekend again and I will wait patiently for his return.  I will suspend any attempts to connect via text because I have learned that the best approach with him is to keep it to a minimum and treat it like a telegram.  “When do you want to hang out.  Stop.  I’m free Friday at 5.  Stop.  Bring beer.  Stop.”  Attempting a natural conversation with him via text is perilous to my psyche.

I really want to learn more about the man that put bacon ahead of me.  I hope he wants to learn more about me.



A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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21 thoughts on “I lost to bacon.
  1. I like this guy! He seems sexy and smart. And yes, sometimes bacon is so much better than sex. Give him a chance Hy!

      1. What vibes is he giving you aside from the bad texting? If his job is stressful then it would explain the whole bacon and texting thing.

  2. Ha! Though I enjoy the sex, I sometimes wish I could just have a simple date like this…
    It’s sometimes nice to know that we’re wanted for more than just our bodies, isn’t it?
    Well, enjoy what you have for now, and take it one day at a time, that’s all you can do :-)
    Dawn D recently posted…Apparently, I ooze sexMy Profile

    1. The man was at the end of his rope; I can’t make it about me! The fact that he was eating lunch 3 hours later than normal during his regularly scheduled nap meant way more to me than him taking me up on the sex. :)

  3. My husband sucked at texting/writing; I’m an English major – not a good combination. But after years and years, his messages are finally getting better. I cracked up at your telegram analogy – what a brilliant way to approach it!
    Cammies on the Floor recently posted…AudioMy Profile

  4. “They never demand more from me and I never offer it.” He sounds like he does want more of you. Compatability in life is equal to (and many times more important) than sexual compatibility. If you can get both then you struck gold. Coach was 28 when I met him. He was far more experienced than my 21 years, but I had already experienced kink and I had a good baseline of my sexual appetite. He took things painfully slow in the beginning. For months we walked a line of extreme sexual tension, but he was determined to draw out the real me. I had just come off a monumental breakup. He had to know that when he opened up I was going to receive him fully. He even told me that he had to know I waa 100% done with my ex or else we could go no further. He worked at building my trust. I purged my ex from my psyche. The night I let him know I was forever done with my ex was like being struck by lightening. The man who seemed just a little awkward sexually, who held himself back, who didn’t completely verbalize what he thought and was feeling suddenly and totally devoured me. He needed my all so he could give me his all.

    1. Elle, what a beautiful story, truly. I hope I experience something like that one day. Things are so new with this guy that it’s almost pointless to guess what will happen, but it’s significant to me and my story, for sure. One day I hope to blend the two sides of me and really open up to someone.

  5. Sounds like it’s well worth exploring, tiredness is a killer and when I’m dead on my feet my wife could be bent over in front of me wrists cuffed to ankles and I’d probably just pass out on the sofa!

    You sound really positive when writing about him even the bad texting so keep working on it!

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