I’m 30,000 feet in the air on my way home from Ann’s and I’m fairly certain of three things: 1) vacation dick is pretty great; 2) cheese and more wine, while pleasurable, does not cure a hangover; and 3) I can’t remember a third thing because numbers 1 and 2 have pretty much taken all my brain power and life force. I’m sure I’ll think of it at some point. [Ed. note: It doesn’t happen.]
I could give you a blow-by-blow of my weekend with the ever gracious Ann, but if I jumped into that I’d be missing a bigger, more important theme of my time with her: chemistry — between friends and lovers — and how it’s actually non-negotiable. You can’t turn it up or down, it just is or isn’t.
Ann and I have good chemistry as women, as friends. Apparently, I had pretty great chemistry with the man she calls “Shenanigans.” I also got to see first hand the effortless chemistry between her and a man she can’t explain, Tony. And last night she invited two of her friends over for a night of drinks and chatting and those women also clicked seamlessly into the tapestry of our weekend. Again, more good rapport.
Being so charged with chemistry this weekend has made me contemplate who and what I am as a person. How am I perceived? What is my impact on those around me? Should I be more careful? How do any of us ever find one another?
I arrived Friday afternoon still covered in the sweat and bodily fluids of The Soldier. He’d come over Thursday when I discovered a free hour in my day. He’d plunged into me and dripped sweat down on me as he rode us both punishingly over the edge. We rested, talked easily, and as he was getting up to leave I put him in my mouth and let him bury himself into my skull. When he came, I felt his semen hit the back of my throat and relished the feel of his hands on my head holding me to him.
I didn’t want to wash him off of me and so I didn’t.
Driving home to Ann’s she laid out our plans for the night: we had tickets to an art show of some kind, a little free time to grab a drink somewhere, then we were hitting a club. Tony, her on/off again amour wanted to meet us for the drink portion. I realized then the evening would require I wash The Soldier off of me if I were to be in polite society.
As the night wore on and the purple, pulsing lights cast eerie shadows on the club walls Shenanigans, an old lover of Ann’s, continued to text her from an earlier chat they’d had in the week. She wasn’t the least bit interested, I imagine still on the high from holding Tony’s hand in the fancy hotel bar we’d met him in coupled with just a basic disinterest, but I insisted that he come over and hang out with us. I had no ulterior motives other than just wanting to meet as many people in Ann’s world as possible. And so he did.
By the time he arrived, however, Ann was worshiping the porcelain Gods. I went to let him in and was surprised by how good-looking he was. Tall as all fuck, scruffy looking in a boy-next-door kind of way. I knew virtually nothing about him, despite her writing about him over the past two years; he seemed like such a peripheral character, I never bothered to give him my full attention. Plus, shenanigans. I don’t have to read about a fella to know if he’s earned that moniker.
He followed me up to the living room and I went to pour him some wine while Ann continued to die somewhere around the corner behind a closed door. She soon went upstairs to rest.
We followed her and lay in her bed congenially until I playfully convinced him to take his pants off in front of us at which point his strip of Magnum condoms were revealed. I’m fairly certain that secured the evening for me. And for him.
I took his hand and led him out of Ann’s room, down the stairs and — he told me later — pulled out a great big cock and did what I love to do.
Sometimes I forget that this isn’t what normal people do.
Most people don’t travel thousands of miles to visit their girlfriend and then end up sleeping with an old lover of theirs. They don’t fuck on purple leather couches in the open. They don’t fuck in their friend’s son’s beds. But, I guess that’s the kind of person I am.
Shenanigans peeled off my dress and fondled my breasts. He pulled me up to standing and reached for the condoms while I rolled down my stockings. We kissed again and I felt his erection bob between us, its hard heat far above my bellybutton as he towered over me. He roughly turned me around and pushed in. I held onto the back of the couch and marveled at how we somehow fit even with more than a foot’s difference in height between us.
My breasts swung and I felt an orgasm come up and over me, juices trickled down to disappear at the bones of my ankles. I briefly thought I was glad I wasn’t soiling Ann’s pretty rug or couch. At least I wasn’t that impolite.
Time and space stood still. I wasn’t far from home, I wasn’t in someone else’s living room, this wasn’t someone else’s man. I was just this seething mass of nerves and drive desperate for release and he was the conduit.
He sat on the couch and I climbed up on his lap and sunk down. His pale skin was illuminated against the dark purple leather, his cock buried up to my sternum. He latched onto my breasts and squeezed them. I faced the staircase behind him and saw Ann’s feet, then legs, then drawn, tired face. She smiled and paused next to us. I continued to move on Shenanigans, just a little, as she and I exchanged pleasantries the equivalent of which would be “Hey, girl. You good? Good. Later.”
She padded past us to the kitchen then back up the stairs. We didn’t see her again until morning.
Alone again we laughed at having just been interrupted and turned back into each other. He picked me up and I kept my legs wrapped around his waist as he fucked me while standing in the middle of the living room. An odd sight we must have been, I thought. My long hair draped across us both and he seemed not to exert himself at all as he pumped against me.
I felt like a kid in a candy shop, frankly. Free and wild to be me. He came and let me loose and we wandered naked upstairs where I put my pajamas on and crawled into a little boy’s bed and pulled this giant stranger in after me. I fell asleep instantly.
I don’t have a recent memory of waking up with a man. I don’t do that. I steal moments from busy, scheduled lives, or I run out as soon as we’re done. It felt oddly normal to wake up next to Shenanigans and oddly normal still to let him push into me, his mouth on my neck and lips. I couldn’t stifle a laugh when guilt washed over him. “Man… we’re in her kid’s bed,” he said. I told him to close his eyes and not think about the stuffed animals.
My eyes were closed, too, thinking about the treat between my legs. The great big athletic man rocking away into me as 8 am peered in at us. He was getting close, he said and I told him to cum all over me, anywhere, everywhere.
He pulled out and laid ropes of pearly semen all over my belly and tits. We marveled at his artwork and regretted not snapping a pic. We were both too lazy to get our phones. I was probably still drunk.
I laid there for a few minutes and blinked, reality slowly creeping in while Shenanigans was having reality crashing down hard on him. I mean, the guy ostensibly came over to fuck Ann, but he ended up with me. He didn’t know she couldn’t care less about what we’d done. He was agitated and fidgety. “I’m going to go talk to Ann.” He pulled on his underwear and left the room.
I got up and did my morning ablutions then knocked on her door. He was sitting on the edge of her bed looking uncomfortable. I crawled in next to her and told him to relax. “Tony’s bringing us lattes,” she said. “One for Shenanigans, too.”
I took him downstairs to leave poor Ann alone until our coffees arrived. He was nervous.
“Who am I?” he asked. “How do I explain why I’m here?”
I told him Tony wouldn’t think twice about him, that he’d assume I’d pulled him in off the street and we’d fucked. I couldn’t convince him, my words were useless, so instead I undid his pants and pulled him out. He was hard again and I could taste me on him. He was more fun with his lips sealed.
I licked his warm balls and tongued the smooth patch of skin behind them and dove down onto his shaft until he came with a deep, long guttural moan. He held me to him the exact same way The Soldier had 36 hours earlier.
He didn’t mention Tony again and when they met a few minutes later he fell over himself to explain that he was my friend. Tony didn’t notice as I’d predicted.
I walked him downstairs, told him this might be goodbye forever, hugged him and shut the door. I didn’t see him again.
Back upstairs, Tony had let himself up to Ann’s room and was laying under the covers beside her. I sat at the foot of the bed while Ann rested her head on his chest and he pet the curls at her temple. We joked like old friends and I surreptitiously watched them interact as I regaled them with my tall and sexy tale from the night before
After hearing from her for so long the somewhat torturous entanglement they’ve had I could see why she always wanted more from him. He’s sweet, yet different, quirky; his words tumble out of his mouth with a child’s exuberance; he’s bold and bright.
He’s driven and can become hyper-focused; if she’s out of sight, she’s also out of mind, though not in a callous way. He cares about her. I imagine it’s much how a lot of men I’ve known have been: The Neighbor, The Soldier, countless others easily forgotten. The difference, though, between the forgettable ones and the memorable ones isn’t the effort they put in or the category of relationship that ensues, but the quality of the chemistry, the intensity. Ann and Tony have great chemistry. It’s natural.
All the talk about my raucous night was making Tony visibly antsy, so I left them to their own devices and went downstairs. I sneaked back up to get some socks and could hear Ann’s cries and skin softly clapping. I crept back downstairs to wait for pizza and thought about my chemistry with Shenanigans, all shenanigans aside.
We’d laughed and shared stories and talked like we weren’t total strangers, the mysterious atoms of chemistry doing their work. His oddness was impossible to miss; I could see why she’d nicknamed him Shenanigans.
Later, the two spunky lovers and I ate lunch and cuddled on the couch. My feet tucked under me and Ann’s on Tony’s lap as he watched soccer and explained his passionate love for it. Soon, they disappeared back upstairs and I napped on the couch, desperately hungover now.
Time stood still again as I was once more reduced to my physical needs. I climbed back upstairs and fell into Liam’s bed until Tony came in to say goodbye. We hugged tightly and I went back to bed where Ann soon joined me.
“I asked Tony to share with me what’s in his heart and head.” I only moaned and asked if we were really getting back on The Tony Ride.
Since meeting TN, I have greatly edited my expectations of what a relationship should look like. Brief? Long? Committed? I don’t know — or often care — what it looks like. If it feels good, do it. If it doesn’t, don’t.
By that afternoon I had hardly heard from The Soldier and even been told he would keep his last name private. I could freak out about that, but why bother? I’d rather enjoy what I have than lament about what I don’t have. If I ever really need more from him, I’ll ask and make a decision from there. I like the freedom of being able to fuck some guy while I’m on vacation with zero regrets. I owe no one anything.
I urged her to seek the same kind of peace in order to enjoy the beautiful thing they share and wondered aloud if anyone had ever died from a hangover.
She left to go shopping for dinner and I buried myself under puffy down covers still wishing I were a more normal friend, one with a lower volume in general. When she returned we readied a carpet picnic of cheeses, bread and crackers and first one, then another of her friends came over. We laughed and talked well into the night. After they left I lay moaning on the couch while Ann hammered out a quick post, overcome with giggles. It still felt all very unreal.
This morning, I continued to struggle with my shame over my behavior. Was I going to leave and in the quiet of her home would Ann suddenly realize I was actually a total shit? I squirmed at the kitchen table as she continued to assure me she didn’t care and loved me all the same. As a dissolute, wild woman hearing I am accepted just as I am is a remarkable gift. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. Thank you, little atoms. Thank you, Ann.
I don’t know what’s going to happen with all the chemically-charged characters from this long weekend of mine; it’s like we’re all a bunch of magnets. Me and The Soldier and Shenanigans and Ann and her friends. The Soldier and I will, for a lack of a better word, soldier on. I’ll see him when I see him. Shenanigans and I will likely be a fond memory to one another, perhaps occasional pen pals. Ann’s friends I will long remember for their amazingly hilarious stories — I hope they remember me as fondly. As for Ann and me, well, I just hope that when she visits me next I can return all the favors, vacation dick included.