You can hear it in my voice.

I am still in the throes of anger and I began reading my post aloud to myself.  It moved me, made me feel large and strong.

I want to share it with you all.

More of me.



P.S. You can read the original text on the post, You have a new girlfriend. Good for fucking you.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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60 thoughts on “You can hear it in my voice.
      1. Because he’s a sociopath. Others have called him a narcissist but all I see is sociopath. I’ve read your blog a long time Hy and all along I thought he was a sociopath and that all of his introvert bs was a huge lie. I’m an introvert. He’s just plain old selfish and controlling keeping you on that leash and stringing you along as long as possible. I’m so glad you finally are to this point. And trust me he reads this blog. Maybe not all the time but he definitely does. His new gf will eventually see the real him. Sociopaths can never keep the charade up forever which is why their long term relationships never last. Just be glad that he didn’t do worse to you and that you can move on from this as the better person.

  1. Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette
    Play it loud, sing it loud…..
    He’s such a contradiction!!!
    And he never deserved you Hy!!! The fucking jerk!!!
    Moving on…..

  2. Yes, I hear it in your voice…and your heart and soul, it seems. Listen to it if and when you start feeling like you lost the best guy you’ll ever meet. Your own words will remind you that you more than likely escaped a twisted, toxic relationship with a narcissistic asshole who probably gets off just by knowing he can have, then hurt, others. Good Riddance, TN!

  3. Interesting voice. Doesn’t sound angry to me. Sounds calculated.
    Not the tone I was expecting by the way. Funny how we make up mental pictures of people, voices, behaviours…
    I think I warned you about TN a few years ago. Love is blind ;-)

  4. Your voice is amazing, and the pain is real…it really kicks in when you start reading the captions on the photos….I’m so sorry

  5. I knew it was bad. You never put out 2 posts on one day. Just the title of the second sounded, no…felt, like you grating your teeth.

    What really hurts so much, after such a long time, is finding out how you were played, how your trust was abused, over and over. Maybe it was small things at the time, little indiscretions. But, finding out a lot of things at once, you feel he had a double life all along. All the little things that did not fit back then. Was there another reason? Can you believe any of it was true?

    Yes. Shout. Scream. Smash things against a wall. Cry, in pain and anger.

    Maybe even cause a scene at the gym if he dares to turn up, with or without her. Just make sure you plan what you will say to him, with an audience. Hold your head up high.

    And keep the rant there on your blog. It is a part of you. It talks about things which have been significant for almost as long as I’ve known you.

    I can see, also, how this undermines your own belief in yourself, in your judgement. It will be a while before you can trust anybody to get close to you again. Being hurt like this is worse than a simple breakup and moving on. As you said. You loved him, dammit.

  6. Hi Hy. First time, long time.

    This is absolutely beautiful. Immediate, gutting and real. You may never appreciate how many readers who are struggling with similar emotions that you help to feel a little less alone with your eloquent posts. I just wanted to step out of the shadows to say thanks for sharing this with us.

    1. Welcome, SMC, from out of the shadows; “lurker” no more! ;)

      Sorry to read (implicitly) that you’ve been similarly hurt; I hope you will likewise find the light at the end of your tunnel, and free yourself back out into the open of Opportunity once more.
      Do connect with others – there are many ways to feel less alone, but ultimately that power is in your own hands, that choice is yours.
      Always look on the bright side — there’s _always_ a Silver Lining. :]

  7. Oh he’ll be reading you, the egotistical shit that he is. All the comments too, & yes, fuck him, the asshole. Go girl, hugs to you from down under.

  8. Oh Hy (((HUGS))) girlfriend xxx
    And, on a more positive note – you NEED to do more vocal posts – your voice is beautiful and you put such expression into your reading, I loved this.
    Take care of yourself xxx

    1. I’d like to take the opportunity to Second that opinion!
      More (occasional) vocal posts, to complement your blog, Hy.
      I do hope you’ll consider it. :)

  9. I really liked hearing you read (something I didn’t think I would). I opened up the other post where you read off of it and just followed along, allowing myself to be carried away in your voice.
    I’m so sorry, lovely.
    Cammies on the Floor recently posted…BoundariesMy Profile

  10. Oh he reads you Hy. He fucking does. If he looked at your profile then he reads you. He may not read you on the regular, he may not even read you on a weekly or monthly basis but you can rest assured that when he needs an ego boost he checks your website. When he’s feeling shitty about himself he reads you. When porn just doesn’t do it, he reads you.

    So glad you’ve finally reached this point. Fuck him. Fuck him. But don’t actually fuck him. What a cruel motherfucker.

  11. I might be the only one, but I kinda feel a bit sorry for TN, now; that so many have come to really (I’m purposely using a “gentle” word here) _dislike_ him..

    Oh, dear Hyacinth, your pain and emotion reeeally came out in the reading — the one who said it seemed “calculated”, to me seems like they’ve misunderstood that you’ll have composed yourself as much as poss _in order to_ record it clearly.

    On the Plus side, Hy, you’ve a lovely voice; clear and eloquent.

    Thank you for sharing it with us; and more, for sharing that moment of raw hurt as you read.. allowing those of us empaths to feel some of your pain.
    “A burden shared, is a burden halved.”
    I truly hope you’re feeling better, having gotten it off your chest.

    1. PS — as for whether or not he reads this blog, if you told him it exists, human nature couldn’t keep him from curiously checking it out; it may not be as strong as “narcissism”, but simple curiosity is unavoidable.

      I hope he finds THIS post, and HEARS your reading — knowing you personally, intimately, he will know your voice; and beyond anything we might feel of your raw emotion herein, he will undoubtedly feel even more, knowing that the TRUTH of your pain sources from HIS decisions.

      I understand your upset, your hurt, your anger at TN; and yet, I don’t feel like you would “hate” him, the way others seem to be doing…
      But I still feel that this anger will help you move on.

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