I don’t feel like writing.

It scares me, this lack of enthusiasm for the blog.  

I just wrote about making new goals and striving to achieve them and instead of inciting me to action I feel pushed away.

I think I’ve indentified part of it: it’s less fun for me, more stressful.  My standards for what I put here are extremely high and it takes me up to 5 hours to write a thoughtful, moving piece when it used to take me an hour or two.

I could blame life changes for that, but I don’t think that’s it; I’m more easily distracted and I don’t feel as welcome in my own space.  

I’ve gone and fucked this up somehow.

To combat this, I’ve decided that I will write more, not less.  Lower my standards for a post and fucking play here again. 

Play with my words, my body, you.

 I used to post lots of nothing — lots — and it felt like a playground, like swinging high above the treetops, spinning faster than a top.  I could do anything I wanted, have any voice, share my thoughts and ideas without worry that there was a hole in my argument.  

I want that back.

So, to kick that off here’s a random nude pic of me.  Raw, real, and [barely] exposed.  Just like I used to be, just like I want to be: playful and seductive, playful and here.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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17 thoughts on “I don’t feel like writing.
  1. The transition of you words over the time I’ve been reading your blog have, to me anyway, gone from the playful who-gives-a-fuck (pardon my language) to the more technical, serious and demanding. Like many who follow you in relative silence, we’d follow you wherever the journey takes us.

    I tend to be too thoughtful at times, partially why my own blog has gone stagnant. But I also know that you are a gorgeous woman, inside and out, from all this old fart can read. You do inspire and you do excite… Time to just let the words flow without trying for perfection. You may not hear from most of us at all, but the words and the glimpses of inside and out do bring so much to your readers.

    Let go and have fun….
    Charles Townsend recently posted…I ThoughtMy Profile

  2. Hang in there. Putting oneself out here on the Net is hard enough. Put that with the problems of everyday life and it gets to feel like a rod for ones own back sometimes. There are times when thoughts and words and ideas come freely; others when they have to be hewn out of stone with a tiny chisel, like a dinosaur bone; and other times when there are no words worth saying and it is best to go for a long walk, see nature, call friends, get laid, besilent for a while x
    fridayam recently posted…Domestic OlympiadMy Profile

  3. yeah you have to please yourself with this blog first…..the last thing you want is for something that once was enjoyable to feel like a drag…..it should not be on your ” To Do” list rather your “Things I Wanna Do” list…..I make jewelry and many people have asked me why I don’t sell it….because I don’t want something that I enjoy to turn into something I have to do….I love to make things for people….typically I don’t have a plan and I just start to try different things until I feel a match…..and of course it’s not perfect, that is a bar no one can reach and will always lead to disappointment if that’s what your striving for, I can understand wanting to “give” your readers a good piece esp. after receiving high honors BUT remember we all love you regardless… just the way you present everyday is actual perfection….we are more understanding than you think……writing short blogs more frequently may help….you are an excellent writer but you don’t have to dazzle us every post….I like you if you are struggling…. I like you when you share good news…. I always like you and if someone stops reading because they are not happy with the content so be it…. you can’t and you are not supposed to base this on pleasing others….. just yourself….and for those who like yourself will remain true

  4. I think oysters on the half shell with lots of horseradish. I think sashimi with plenty soy & wasabi. I am Kerouac or am I Ginsberg at the table debating To Edit or Not To Edit. Venus born of ocean’s spray. When you breathe, Hy, you exhale words. A lovely brine that we all imbibe in ecstasy and gratitude. The alchemy of making love from the ingredients of this life entails affirmation via exploration. Maybe the most important thing is that each special batch that you brew pleases you as much as it pleases your audience. I, for one, am grateful for your hedonism, in word & deed & image!

  5. Writing takes time. Writing well takes more time. I’m currently working on a post that I thought I could just rattle off, and each time I come back to it I think “I’m almost done so I can probably get this ready to post today.” Eventually that will be true but I’ve been wrong about it more than I’ve been right.

    Enthusiasm may come and go, and that’s OK. The creative mind works differently than the editing mind, so yeah, maybe you’ve ventured into buzz-killing perfectionism.

    Have fun :-)
    Zoë recently posted…Sinful Sunday: cuffMy Profile

  6. “To combat this, I’ve decided that I will write more, not less. Lower my standards for a post and fucking play here again.”

    Yaass! :)

    I have writing funks also for various reasons, and I have done a kind of ‘fuck it, just hit publish!’ type of daily writing about dumb stuff to shove myself out of it. It can absolutely help to give me a kick, and it can also help to shut up that inner critic who hisses ‘this isn’t worth posting’.

    Looking forward to it.

    Ferns recently posted…Rigid cock rings: PSAMy Profile

  7. I had similar issues when I was blogging, enjoyed it much more when I just let go and blogged for me. I hope you can do the same, I enjoy reading, even if I don’t comment all that often.

    And of course, it’s always a pleasure to see you, you look great!

  8. Hello, dear Hy! :)

    Firstly, may I say that’s a delightfully sexy pic you’ve shared; was this BEFORE or AFTER a “special night out”? I only ask cuz your nails look like they’ve been done up special… ;D

    As to the Post . . .
    Might I suggest:: if you pause and think back to why you STARTED this blog — and what you had hoped, initially, to achieve — might that re-inspire you to “revisit” those initial reasons, and write “to” them?

    Also, if part of the goals for this blog was for you to “have fun” in doing it, if it’s no longer fun, then there’s really only two ways to go, right..? O.o
    (1) Don’t do it while it’s not fun
    (2) Do it in a “more fun” way “on purpose” (Fun, but not forced)
    … both protecting your “peace of mind” by (hopefully) removing ANY other / external pressures:: Since when did you “owe” anyone any new blog entries? ;]

    Not to be rude, ya know .. Just that if you’re writing for your SELF, and “allow” it to be read by others for their entertainment / titillation / etc, then that may be likened to “voyeurism by invitation” — YOUR enjoyment comes FIRST, and your sharing allows anyone ELSE to also enjoy it. As opposed to writing for others, e.g. if some have made financial contributions etc, which may then be likened to “performing a show for part-paid viewers” — you’re doing it “first” for the enjoyment of OTHERS, to the detriment of your OWN priority enjoyment…

    As an exercise in comparisons, if I imagine any person going through two different thought processes, here’s what I get:
    “Hmm.. I’m feeling sexy, and I’m in the mood to share my next adventure with an audience. Good thing X is coming over shortly; wonder if it’ll be worth blogging?”
    “Okay, I’ve not posted in a few days, and feel compelled to do so, before people start asking why I’ve been so quiet.. so I’d better put something together sharpish..”

    It strikes me, then, that these two theoretical minds are rather poles apart.
    Their Motivations are totally different…

    So.. withOUT revisiting or even thinking about your own current “About” page, what if you opened a blank document and wrote a “brand new ABOUT HY” – for nobody but YOU (at least for now).
    Then open the current (or “original”, if you have it and it’s any different!) next to it, and see what strikes you as “most different / most changed”.

    They say that entrepreneurs who revisit their Company Goals / Business Plan now and then, akin to “taking the bearing” of the business, allows the course to be “adjusted”, making sure any necessary “corrections” for “going off track” can be made — it’s all about accepting that “change happens”, even if it’s only small sometimes, but that if many small changes .. over a long time .. are not checked, they could sum up to a large unintended / unexpected deviation.

    So, dear Hy, ARE you “on track”? ;)

    Thoughtfully & Supportively,
    and with much Love & Appreciation,

    Chris D
    (in SW UK)

    PS — I gotta say again, you strike me as a very confidently sexy woman, and your photo attests to this; and AMEN that you’re not like modern stick-figure “models”..
    I mean, it’s one thing to be “naturally slim” (eg high metabolism etc) as some are, but it’s entirely another to “force” the anorexic look, which is just v sad. :(
    Returning to Positives, it’s thanks in part to people like YOU, dear Hy, that THE HOURGLASS seems to be making a steady comeback!! =D Faaabulous! X

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