I’ve been caught as Hy.

As I drove home from work for lunch he texted to say he had something to confess.

We’d had our first date the night before at a swanky downtown restaurant.  He was tallish, lean, bald.  A very snazzy dresser.  A good looking man whose arm ink peeked out from beneath the cuffs of his tailored blazer.

I sipped on champagne and he on sweet whiskey and as we shared our small plates we chatted about our dead pets, nudity vs. nakedness, and failed marriages.  I ranted about never allowing a man into my life that wasn’t loved and accepted by my child.  He ranted about not sending him emails at work unless the certified letter didn’t return first.

It was a really nice date topped off by a polite kiss or two and a twinkle in my eye.

What could he possibly have to confess??

“I have followed your blog since we first met at AFF.”

My stomach dropped and my eyes widened.  I was at a stop light and felt suddenly jittery.

We’d “met” on AFF well over a year ago and only recently reconnected via OKCupid where he’d pointed out the older connection.  “Small orbits,” he’d called them.

“Wait, what??” I texted back.  “What blog?”

He texted the URL.


Immediately I thought back over everything I’d said the night before, how I’d carried myself, how I had appeared.  Had I measured up?  Did I sound genuine?  I talked about my missing cat and my exhusband, mentioned dating my neighbor — all things that are in this blog.

Well, at least he knows I wrote the truth, I thought.

My first impulse was to post the screenshots and share, but I pulled up short and asked him for his permission(I cannot ethically post about anyone here without their permission if they know it exists.  If they don’t know, it’s none of their business; I have to protect myself first.)

“Blue pill or red pill, Mr. Orbit?” I asked him.

He said he trusted me and then we sent each other photos of our animals because I guess that’s what you do when you’ve been outted as your alter-ego and the world hasn’t caved in on you and the handsome man on the other end of the secret seems to like you anyway.

And so here we are: Uncharted territory with a Hy/Me hybrid blend and a man I’m going to call Rex.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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33 thoughts on “I’ve been caught as Hy.
  1. Wow!
    Well, there are a few things I want to say. First, you know how someone reading you while you write about them is sometimes difficult, as you tend to self-censor. At least I know I did.
    Then, of course, someone knowing that you do write is a plus (at least to me) because you don’t have to hide that part of you around them.
    The Dancer actually really likes knowing I write and enjoys the bits of writing I share with him.
    Now… I wish you all the best. At least he was honest (unlike Ann’s Fox), which, to me, means he isn’t trying to use it against you.
    I’m saying… good for him for coming clean. And good luck to you both :)

    (on a side note… first time I looked at your blog roll… feeling honoured to be there :) )

    1. Yeah, I know that writing knowing he’s reading will be different, but I need to write and he’s supportive of that. We’ve been on one date and he already knows this massive secret about me. It’s a relief, but it’s weird. Like I said, it’s all new!

  2. You had a nice date. He knew you were Hy, and he told you that early. If he was going to be weird about it, you would likely have sensed something during the date. He has insight into your personal thoughts and experiences and, knowing all of this, he likes you and wants to get to know you better still. This is not a problem, it’s a shortcut! Deep breaths, you’ll be fine.

    Hi Rex! Please treat Hy well – she deserves it.
    Zoë recently posted…Sinful Sunday: honor-boundMy Profile

    1. 100% agreed! Despite knowing who you were prior to the date, it sounds like he still acted like a gentleman. Hy, you got this.

      Rex: please continue to be a gentleman.

  3. I think him being honest about this from the beginning speaks volumes about his character in a very good way. A less confident and dishonest man may not have confessed to this.
    Sounds like he’s already totally accepted both sides of you too.
    Sounds like a great guy!
    Hello Rex! :D

  4. I think this is great. No wondering if he will accept all of you.

    For me if I’m interested in a man I tell him up front about my blog and writing. It’s who I am and I’d rather know right away if that side of me is going to cause problems.

    So far… it’s only added to the excitement. ;-)

    ~ Vista
    Vista recently posted…Written on His SoulMy Profile

    1. I wish I could be honest about it right away, but I can’t with my job, etc. People could really hurt me with this blog, unfortunately, so I always have to think about my safety first. And I’ve never had a relationship where it was a value add except for the tryst with Ben and my ongoing engagement with Luke (but that’s not physical).

  5. The cat is out of the bag. I remember when I told the Hunter about my blog – during an argument. He walked out and when he cooled off, he asked questions. He is very respectful of my blog. I read it to him — he doesn’t look at it although I’m sure he knows how to find it. It sounds like Rex understands that you blog to express yourself and dig around in your psyche. That’s great. Now you don’t have to figure out how to come clean later on. My suggestion is you think about if you want some ground rules about the blog. If he’s a good, decent guy (and he sounds like that plus sane & reasonable), then the two of you can figure out. Good luck!

    1. Maggie! During an argument?? lol Well, I’m glad it all worked out. I told TN when that asshole threatened me with my real identity and I needed his help to see if I could track her down. Ugh. What a mess that was! This is definitely a lot better. And we’ve already discussed some ground rules, but seeing as I have zero experience with it all, I’m just making shit up like a proper adult does. Thanks for the well wishes!!

  6. Dear Ms Hy,

    I’ve been.. lurking.. reading, contemplating, silent..
    (Belated Happy New Year, btw; all the best for 2017!! xx)

    I do my reading in “catch-up bursts”, roughly bi-weekly, so I finally got around to this “episode”, and felt I ought to write (again), finally.
    Forgive me, then, please, as it won’t be short…
    ((And I’ll understand if, as you moderate this, you either edit/trim, or don’t post it.))

    To go point-by-point – as is my wont usually:
    + if he used the word “confess” (men mostly don’t), that’s “not a bad sign”;
    + a “snazzy dresser” with a “tailored blazer”? I got time fo’ dat. Respect;
    + your kid’s acceptance of any guy — excellent “boundary”: Respect;
    + if he a “grown-ass man”, then I expect he gon’ treat “shawty” well;
    NB@Rex: from the little we have on you thus far, I hope I’m right.
    PS: Welcome to your new audience. ;) Please DO be good to “our Hy”, yeah?


    Now here’s where I take a tangent.
    Being a Man (of, perhaps, a “gentler persuasion” than the average straight male), I’m still — as I imagine you must also be — fully aware that “all men are dogs”.
    Though, I gotta say, NOT “all men” are dogs. But most are, most often.

    In the newer context of YOUR DECISION to “look for love” — and/or being more open to love “finding you” — this year, I’d dare to suggest you keep this motive uppermost in mind.

    That is to say, I wonder if Rex already has any “longer-term interest” in you?
    Or would he be *that honest* as to perhaps say he’s not necessarily looking for a L/T commitment right now, but is “open-minded”, and wants to see how things go “for now”..? Or, more honest still, that he’s “not ready / looking to settle”, and only looking for eg medium-term dating (and all the “fun” that comes with “Hy”)?

    The Question in MY mind is, “What’s HIS (long-term?) motive?”
    He’s been following your blog; so he “knows” much of your “story”.
    The Libran mind is automatically wary of the imbalance, where you literally know far less of him, by comparison. What’s his relationship / dating history, since his failed marriage? What about before that? Married before? Children?

    If he’s worth his salt, from his reading, he’ll know what you like, and must be confident he can deliver to some degree. By the same token, he ought to know how to keep you happy, keep you interested… for as long as he may be so inclined.*

    Call me “jaded”. >__<
    I'm the guy who became the go-to when gals (and some guys!) had relationship "issues", and I'd offer them alternate points of view to help give their strained relationships another lease of life.. or, a better reason for feeling they were right to end it. So I've "heard it all before" (well, a lot of 'it', anyway), and have learned — both through others, and myself, the hard way — that Trust is hard-won, hard kept, often tested, and easily broken, ***and thus increasingly-carefully meted out***…

    Rex has followed your blog. He must also have read at least SOME of the comments and your replies to them. He has "the keys" to getting in good with you, so to speak.
    Advantage: Rex; Hy, your serve. (No, I'm no tennis pro..)

    TRUST your INSTINCTS, Hy; a Woman's Intuition is her BEST ASSET that us Men can never understand, grasp, comprehend..
    There will ALWAYS be the "Heart vs Mind" tug-o-war; we Humans are *Emotional* creatures, and Emotion often contradicts the more Common Sense of Mind.
    So, do you indulge — for the medium-term this particular avenue may lead, for the pleasure of it — the happy-happy endorphins, in the hopes that longer-term possibilities may blossom and/or be cultivated? Or do you stay strict on your "greater goal" for the year, to Find Love once and for all, and to give your time (THE most Valuable Asset), and efforts, (only) to those most honestly wishing to give a longer-term thing a go, right from the off? .. "sacrificing", as it were, the shorter-term pleasures you might otherwise enjoy in the interim?

    I'm not – none of us are – here to tell you what to do nor how to live your life.
    You're a "bad ass", "grown-ass" woman, Hy, and you've certainly Lived more than many of us.

    … yet here are a few things to possibly think about, going forward:

    Your reply to Prof.Taboo: "wondering how the fuck" you do this.
    How about Step-by-step, fully tuned-in to your Intuitions & gut feelings? ;)

    Dawn D's advice is sound; it's GOOD he "came clean".
    Your reply is significant, though: it's a "massive secret"; so how do you "protect" that? Has he sworn not to reveal it (your secret, your blog, your alt-self) to his friends / colleagues? If you end up going out with him and bumping into any of them, will they "already know" who you are? How would you handle that? Would it matter much / at all?

    I agree, 99%, with Zoe & Jackson; "knowing who you were" before the date is probably Good — but what if that was the point? I'll be "Devil's Advocate" since nobody else has done: before he gets to have "Hy-fun", he's got to win/earn the Hy-pass, the ticket to the bedroom. Why *wouldn't* someone, who's already read your blog, be good enough to you to hopefully win you over, so they can experience for themselves what they've only thus far read in a blog? O_o

    I most especially like MaggieMay's response above.
    To think about "ground rules". And that now the "cat is out of the bag", "you don't have to figure out how to come clean" later. These ARE good things, I think.
    I daresay, though — with much respect, dear MaggieMay — that it might be premature to presume that "Rex understands that you blog to express yourself and dig around in your psyche", though.. ;) The first, maybe; the second, that's deeper..



    ALL-IN-ALL, dear Hy,
    Step-by-step, day (or date) at a time, and — imho — tuned into Intuition with your Love goal in mind, I wish you the BEST OF LUCK going forward with this one.

    Tomorrow, Saturday 28th, also happens to be Chinese New Year (not that I'm Chinese, though), so Kung Hei Fat Choi / Gong Xi Fa Cai.
    Happy *Chinese* New Year of the ROOSTER.
    (Might I note the obvious: another word for "Rooster" is, of course, "Cock".)
    Blessings for an Auspicious Year ahead; may Prosperity, Good Health, and Great Fortune find you. And Love. ;D


    1. Good lord, Chris! You wrote a tonnnnnn. Basically, I understand all that you’re saying, but trust it will all sort itself out over time. I’m not going to pin him down at this point and ask exactly what his intentions are. That makes me squirm and I don’t know if it’s even relevant at this point. I’m just going to continue to get to know him as normally as possible in the face of this extraordinary circumstance and go from there. Regardless of what happens, this is quite a lovely thing to be able to be 100% honest and open for a change. I rather like it. xx Hy

      1. Oh yes, quite agree – no need to grill him or give him the 3rd degree at such an early stage… Forgive me, that wasn’t my intention to imply..

        For certain, I can imagine that being able to “relax” with “nothing to hide” must be quite the relief!

        Best of luck, going forward.

        … and… yeah… brevity, my strong point it ain’t. *blushes*


  7. As long as Rex hadn’t been stalking you, ?? he sounds like he aspires to be respectful, accepting, and as-honest-as-one-hopes. He sounds confident and… well, hot and lovely. I hope it all means a wonder-full, healing journey awaits you, Hy.

    Listen to your centred-self and all will be well, I’ve no doubt.


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