I am too still.

I have spent the bulk of the weekend in my pajamas save for the 6 hours I spent drinking last night with girlfriends.  Two women 5 and 10 years my junior; jaded and burnt out on men and overly sensitive about making sure we all kept our expenses the same.

My Old Fashioned drinks burned and smoked down my throat as their magic addled my brain.  Then the sadness crept in.

I hadn’t wanted to go out in the first place; I’d offered to see Rex, but I didn’t hear from him and so I’d made other plans, naturally.

Tina chatted up a beautiful man who somehow epitomized Brooklyn New York and her friend, Sina, cozied up with a handsome and grizzly older fellow.  I spent my time trying to give them each space.

I awoke on Tina’s couch alone and with an aching back.  This back ache is a symbol of my stillness, my general paralysis, and I hate it.  I need to move more, sweat more.  All this sedentary bullshit is literally breaking me.

Good thing tomorrow is a new day and I can start anew.  Thank god for the never-ending turning of our world.

My general state of being.



Febraury Photofest
Sinful Sunday

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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9 thoughts on “I am too still.
  1. I’m starting to realise you have an unmistakable style to your photos – a visual signiture – and I love it.
    To use a quintessentially British phease, chin up, old bean. We love you more than it sounds like you love yourself at the moment.

  2. I hate that feeling, when your body gets stiff and achy from not moving around as opposed to the lovely feeling of it ache from when you have been moving around. Sometimes I HATE the gym but I always feel better for dragging myself there

    Molly recently posted…The taste of youMy Profile

  3. You take my breath away once again. The lighting is amazing and the details of the room, the quilt, the shades, the lamp, then the details of your body, your knees, your ribs, your hand, your chin…they all combine into something exquisite.

  4. You know I think there is some very good in all this. You are hurting. Which means your ability to feel deeply for another man is beginning to return. It’s another signpost on the path to the whole Hy. Let’s not regret it, let’s actually celebrate


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