Kiss. My. Grits.

A fine looking, grown ass man — who’s also looking for something serious and whom I met on AFF — grilled me yesterday via text. 

“How many guys are you talking to these days??”

I was taken aback.  Prior to this question he’d asked me how my day was going.

“My day is going alright.  And why do you ask that?? That’s sort of out of left field.”

He insisted it wasn’t.  “It’s just a question.”

Mmhm.  Right.

I was honest with him and said I was, though I use the term “dating” only to mean I’m chatting with and occasionally going for dinner or drinks.  There are no feelings involved or sex.  I’m browsing.  Then he called me a “serial dater.”

I didn’t know what that was so he clarified that it’s dating more than one person at once.  

I was confused.  Isn’t that the definition of dating??  Then he explained his opinions  further.

“It’s harder to get to know one guy when you’re dating several don’t you agree?  Nothing wrong with it, it’s just harder in my experience to get to know someone when my time is split between multiple people.”

I pointed out that clearly I don’t agree and he went on to say it one more time for good measure: you can’t successfully date if you’re talking to more than one person.

And maybe that’s true for him because he’s a man and he doesn’t get a dozen incredible emails from a dozen great women a week like a woman might (like I sometimes do).  How can I possibly decide who to invest my time in if the criteria are first come first served?

So whoever sent me the email first gets the girl??  I don’t think so.  I think we all have to earn someone’s time and being first in line is hardly considered doing any work.

Likewise, he clearly doesn’t want to be one of many and this was his way of strutting around the coop.  And I can respect that to a degree, except we’re not meeting people in grocery stores, dances, and shopping malls anymore (I heard that’s where it used to happen prior to the internet, anyway).  We shop online with endless choices.

Today women are inundated with suitors and men are put in the undesirable position of having to stand out and they can do that in one of two ways: complain about the game or pretend it doesn’t exist.  

You can guess which one is more appealing.

No one wants a man who gripes that there are others when it’s the very nature of what we’re all doing.  I’ve thought a lot about what he said and I keep returning to the same conclusion each time: Until the cream rises to the top, you keep on churning.  Eventually the right person will show himself.

Kiss ’em.

Febraury Photofest

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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15 thoughts on “Kiss. My. Grits.
  1. Hmmmm instead of attempting to excell, grab your attention & shining out from the crowd, he questions & decrees, then whines & bemoans the situation? Pfft, flick him from your dating pool like an annoying mosquito, nothing lost here from your perspective. ps & such fine grits they are to be kissed. xxx

  2. Dating has always been this way: If you enjoy it, you talk to and date multiple people until you like someone enough to be exclusive.

    Instead he’s trying to get exclusivity by shaming you? What a charmer :/


    Ferns recently posted…Free Book: Come get it!My Profile

    1. Agreed!! I really do suspect it has a lot to do with his experience (not that many opportunities) couple with a shitty attitude lol. Definitely didn’t move himself into a good position with all that. xx Hy

  3. My guess is that either he has very low confidence in himself, has struck out many times, is a narcissist, (Ewww!), has a narrow opinion of women in general, (blinders on), or this may be a red flag that he’s a jealous control freak.

    Okay, maybe I’m being a little too harsh here… Sorry.

    I’m going to guess that you aren’t going to meet this one.
    But if you do, I hope you write about it.

    1. He’s moving into town this weekend, but I can’t meet him due to a friend being in town I’d rather spend time with. We have plans to meet the *following* Monday, so it’s a ways away and I have a strong suspicion we won’t get that far.

  4. I confess I was loosely in agreement with him.
    But you make a valid point about internet shopping. Did you make it to him?
    I guess the difference for me is that I don’t trial multiple products at the same time. I might read their descriptions online, but no, you can’t tell how good a vibrator is until you slip it into your pussy, so maybe you need to try them all first.
    Where does research stop and purchase start? I don’t know.

    1. Ha! Well, I admit to it becoming possibly a difficult choice to choose down the road, but at least if you’ve been experimenting you have more data, right??

  5. I see his comments as a red flag also. He lacks the self -confidence and maturity that you need. Imagine his drama if you revealed your blog and sexual history?! Too narrow-minded for a woman as amazing as you.
    MaggieMay recently posted…Back in the SaddleMy Profile

    1. I thought the exact same thing re the blog! He’d never understand my need for it and what I do here if he can’t wrap his head around dating multiple men.

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