I need a pot roast recipe.

“Hy, I just can’t do this whole blog/you thing.”

It’s a sentence Rex hasn’t said, but I’ve heard before.

I told The Russian I was Hy, we met, he got distant, I struggled to understand the new energy, he called to say he couldn’t handle it and, frankly, didn’t want to sign up for any of it.

Ultimately, I wrestle with a much larger demon than just trusting someone in general: I can’t understand why anyone would want to sign up for me.  The Russian and everyone else has “proven” this fear over and over.

Before you all jump to tell me that isn’t true — that there exists a man who will in fact want all of me — I already know that.  Of course I do.  But tell that to the darkest, most terror-stricken part of me; I dare you to get her to listen.

So you know what I’m going to do about all this crushing self-doubt and crippling fear??  Nothing.

Instead, I’m going to make him a motherfucking pot roast and chill.


I need a hug.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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24 thoughts on “I need a pot roast recipe.
  1. Well, I have had at least two men who enjoyed/were proud of me for writing.
    Most others didn’t mind. Though some asked me not to write about them, to which I obliged.
    I now realise some don’t know I write, and sometimes I feel weird about it.

    All that to say: the man who will love all of you does exist. I know your reasoning mind knows it. I’m just trying to give your emotional mind some things to think about ?

    Sorry about the pot roast, I am no help there. I’m sure you’ll cook him the perfect pot roast. Even if it is a disaster ?
    It’d just be a great reason to have a good laugh together ?
    Hugs Hy!

    1. I know you’re have. I don’t really think Rex has read me, tho. I think he knows Hy exists, but that’s it, which is a different energy altogether. Not sure how to handle it, really…

  2. Hy, as much as I enjoy all of your pics, this one brings a smile to my face as a witness to someone who seems to be embracing who she is. No camera angles. No special lighting. Just allowing yourself to be who you are…and that’s beautiful to see.

  3. The boy toy said to me recently something that goes like “Do not let fear of the unknown take away from the joys of today”
    I hated him for that but it helps keep me focused on enjoying what we have right now as our love grows.

  4. THE RUSSIAN? Misoginistic assholes. You have no idea how lucky you are to be rid of him! I bet I pissed off a million Russian ‘men'(?).

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