Sometimes I feel like this is all I’m good for.


Fears of abandonment overwhelm me as my heart beats at me from within.

Say the perfect thing, all the right words.  It’s all your fault if it goes sideways.  If I get it just right he will stay. 

He will stay because I cast a spell of words on him that made him want to wrap it tighter around his soul.

He won’t have a choice then.  He will remain because I made it happen.

But that’s not real because he does have a choice.  He always does.

And so do I.

I can choose to look myself squarely in the eyes and allow that woman to be herself and believe that she is worthy.

If I am not honest about who I am and am instead busy building intricate webs to keep my target close I am hiding.

I am not real.  I am not me.  I am lying.

The truth is I am so much more than my sex.  I am all the truer words I speak, the beautiful ones I create and share.

I am more than sorcery.

I’m just not sure I can convince anyone else of that.  Possibly starting with myself.




A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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15 thoughts on “Sometimes I feel like this is all I’m good for.
  1. Sad to think that there are those that think that way, the ones that find a way to satisfy their own selfish longings and give only cursory attention. I’ve seen this in several friends and it makes it much more difficult for those that try to find a relationship. I won’t say it is only the male of the species, painful however it happens. Being past ‘dating years’ makes it that much more difficult, so I tend to have more time to think about these things.

    You are a beautiful and sensitive soul Hy, I can only hope that someone finally realizes that… Maybe they get distracted by the outer beauty first…
    Charles Townsend recently posted…Thoughtful MemoryMy Profile

  2. Beautiful, Hy! You…your words…and accompanying image are just beautiful. Keep choosing to see, and embrace, the beauty that is YOU.

  3. Hy you are a multifaceted being embracing many different parts that make up a whole. You need to feel comfortable with who you are and accept all those facets.
    It took me a long time to be comfortable with who I am and I am still a work in progress, it doesn’t happen over night.
    John Brownstone recently posted…Dripping #SinfulSundayMy Profile

  4. I think I strongly agree with your last statements.
    I also believe that once you manage to convince yourself, then others won’t need convincing. They will feel your power and your beauty.
    I mean, WE can see it here, even though you are still struggling yourself.
    Someone is bound to see it too.

    My advice also, I know I’m not much of a dater to be able to give advice, but… if you hide who you are, if you play games to get someone to stay interested in you… you’re not going to get true love. What that person may fall in love with is the pretense you’re putting up.
    Are you ready to put that pretense up for the rest of your life?
    I don’t think you are, otherwise you wouldn’t have left your ex.

    If you want real love, you need to allow them to leave. Only if they come back will you know they did so for you, not for the sake of the relationship.

    And you need to allow yourself to leave too, of course.

    I’m sending lots of love Hy. We see tour beauty. Try and look through our eyes until you’re convinced too ?

  5. I could have written this. It’s so easy to equate attention/sex with emotion/love.

    I find myself falling right back into that cycle over and over again. The one who has my heart doesn’t want it, so when this one or that one comes calling (or, more likely, sends the 2am “u up?” snap) I perk up. “He wants me! He’s thinking of me!” instead of “I deserve more than this. I deserve a 2pm text or call or snap. I deserve an invite to dinner; I am more than a nightcap.”

    We’ll get there, Hy.

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