Dodging bullets and finding solace.

Last Friday I was sad about Elliot.  Sad for what could have been, sad that we’d never be special, sad that it had to end.

I texted him my heaviness.

“Today I’m feeling a little sad that the timing of things was bad for us. I really liked what we were doing: all the talking, the hanging out, etc. It was a sweet and fun 4 weeks in the beginning, a real treat. How you doin?”

His response?

“Sorry you’re bummed. I’m OK, doing the back to school thing, getting ready to go out of town for work next week. Making a concerted effort to be in touch with my parents.”

The ol’ “I’m sorry you feel that way” line.  It plunged me a little deeper into my sadness, but then something odd happened: I popped back up like a buoy.  I had dodged a bullet.

During our ill-fated and brief affair he told me repeatedly that he was an “asshole” and that sex wasn’t that important to him.  I couldn’t believe him, outright refused to really, but in the end I had to believe and take action.  I can’t be with someone who is so mired in depression and introversion and finds himself incapable of giving even the littlest glimmer of something.  And I definitely can’t be with someone who considers himself disinterested in sex.  I ignored my exhusband’s claims and that bought me a one-way ticket to sexual misery.

In that same text exchange I clarified our relationship and we agreed we wanted to continue with a friendship and professional association (we have complimentary careers).  Relief washed over me, I saw the lighthouse.

I didn’t think about him again until he texted me Monday morning asking for some advice.  We chatted, got him sorted out, made jokes.  I put my phone down and forgot about him all over again.

Until that night when he texted me again from a remote work destination.

“I’m at a place called Busty Bob’s that has 25¢ oysters. Probably not gonna try those.”  It was a reference to our first date where the oysters gave me food poisoning and I had to cut our date short and it was then he decided he wanted me in his life.

We chatted some, he made more jokes, I replied and then it stopped.

Today he’s crossed my mind and I’ve gone to text him several times, but have stayed my itchy fingers.  Our friendship will unfold however it should, but in the mean time I’m going to turn towards sunshine, not rain.  Like Peter.

Sweet Peter whose aversion to condoms never stopped him from wanting to have a good makeout sesh and make me cum a few times.  We met 3 years ago shortly after things ended with The Neighbor.  He never apologized or felt bad for not being able to fuck me with his dick, he just switched gears and ate at the apex of my thighs like the whistle had blown and finger fucked me to oblivion while making love to my face with his soft, supple mouth.

We liked to hang out in my hot tub or go for a swim.  He bought a pair of swim trunks that have permanent residence on my bathroom hook for whenever he comes over.  “Other friends can wear them, too,” he told me knowing I was a busy woman.  He was always a pleasure to be around.

He’s tall, 6’6″, 10 years younger than me, has dark hair and green almond-shaped eyes.  His body is lithe and pale, his mind quick, and he’s got a hall pass from a begrudging girlfriend who’s my age.

It wasn’t until things with Elliot began to unravel that I threw caution to the wind and on one of our afternoon trysts let him fuck me bareback.   I don’t know why I did that – it just felt right – and the results were miraculous.  He was rock hard and delicious.  He strained to control himself and slowly stroked us both with long pauses and pull outs.

“I don’t want this to end too quickly,” he kept saying.

We rolled around entwined, laughing and kissing during his pauses.  He’d say the kindest things and I would squeeze him and nibble his neck careful not to leave any marks.

He filled me up twice that afternoon and we lay in each other’s arms and I told him all my woes with Elliot.  My heart was breaking over one man and yet I found solace in the arms of another, so tender and kind.

We’ve met nearly every week since that fateful condom-free week.  As the tears fell in my alone time, he filled me up when we were together.  The loss of Elliot made all the more bearable for the tender kisses I got from Peter.

Heartbreak is better spent together.

 

 

 

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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