You won’t believe this.

It would appear that The Neighbor has some interesting ideas about how life is done.

::

On a Wednesday evening in January of 2015 – after 3 tumultuous, passionate, empty years together – my boyfriend came over to spend the night as usual and instead asked for a break.  Two weeks later he ended things with me with no explanation other than he didn’t want to be in a relationship.

We attempted a friendship for several months, but I was devastated, angry, and confused and yet so tidy to the world that no one knew of the mess that festered and ate away at me like maggots.  Once the fog of abandonment had cleared I was filled with contempt for myself: I should have left our relationship before it ever started.

He’d never wanted to date me; he’d never wanted to be involved with my child.

In September I ended our friendship and he cried and stormed off, but I had to save myself.  I had to do something.

I hadn’t believed a word he said to me during our little “friendship experiment” as I watched him do things he swore he’d never do with me and as I accidentally uncovered hidden deceits.

Nor did i believe him when he swore he wasn’t interested in anyone, and a mere few weeks after the end of the friendship he brought a woman to my gym class.  It crushed me all over again.  A month after that I saw her plastered all over his Facebook saying how awesome her man was.

About that time I expected him to move out as it would have been the end of his lease, but his fancy black car remained as did our occasional run-ins.  In the end he would renew his lease twice after he ended things, which meant he remained here for 2 years and 9 months before he finally left.

I mean, what did he care?  He lived at the bottom of the hill, after all.  He didn’t have to see me or think of me. It wasn’t a big deal.

The summer before he moved out I wrote him a long overdue letter to say how I felt about him, our relationship, his stalking of me on AFF, and most importantly my anxiety and upset that he remained so close.

His finances were more than adequate to live anywhere in the city, I reasoned.  Why stay so close when he didn’t have to??

He took offense to what I shared and told me in clipped words to never contact him again. He also revealed that he would be leaving in October so I could at least have that to look forward to.

I kept watch in the coming weeks until one day while walking the dog I decided to check and see if his patio furniture was still there.  It was gone.  And his apartment was gutted.

I bawled as years of torment I had kept at bay roiled out of me like vomit.  I was finally free.

This past year with him away I have grown and lightened a million shades and in a million ways.  I have settled into myself, explored my heart a little even, attempted connections, and have felt safe in my home again, unburdened to roam freely about the property like a normal person.

I no longer had to concentrate on not noticing (and subsequently looking at) his black car, I no longer had to worry about running into him going about my daily life, I no longer had to fucking think about him, period.

::

This weekend was a lazy one, too hot for fucking fall.  Peter came and fucked me and I came and clawed and kissed on him before I went on an ill-fated, yet semi-entertaining date with a 22 yo.  I puttered around my apartment, watched scary movies and decided to treat the dog to as many romps in the dog park behind my building as he needed.

I absent mindedly surveyed the 3 closest balconies stacked like blocks nearest the park as I always did and looked at the residents’ belongings and design choices while the animal sniffed and shit to his heart’s content.  Last August the middle apartment had gone up in flames and the 3 stood empty for months while repairs were completed.  There were now new tenants.

Someone with children on the second floor – according to the plastic toys strewn about outside – and some patio furniture that looked familiar on the third floor.  It held my attention, but I didn’t let it stick.

The following day, my eye was drawn again to that familiar furniture.  It was on the patio of an identical floor plan to what he had before.  It suddenly occurred to me that there had been a new third fancy black car in the parking lot the last few days – just like his – but I hadn’t bothered to look at the license plate because I’m free of that, remember??  I’m not a slave to that pain anymore.

No, no, no.  It was just a coincidence.

The next night Peyton and I watched another CSI.  “Baby,” I said.  “We need to check on something when we walk the dog tonight.”  I shared what I knew and being the junior detective in the house I had a willing partner in my offspring.

I flashed my camera light into a familiar car window.  I couldn’t make out anything substantial like the battery acid burn in the back seat, but Pey caught something on a folded receipt in the passenger seat.  “Mom!  It says, ‘T-N’!”  I looked closer and sure enough TN’s name was faintly written on a line on the yellow sheet of a carbon receipt.

I didn’t believe it.  It couldn’t be.  My eyes are bad!  But Peyton’s??  No…

Finally tonight, 100 feet from my front door while on our nightly walk, I was able to check again.  This time his name was obscured by a new receipt, but it didn’t matter.

My eyes were bright and sharp and I could easily make out what the receipt said.  It was for a therapy session, the same cost as his were many years ago, and at the bottom – in clean Times New Roman bold – was TN’s therapist’s name and address.

Apparently, The Neighbor is once again my neighbor.

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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31 thoughts on “You won’t believe this.
    1. I’m still in disbelief, but I’ve seen it all with my own eyes now! I’m feeling mostly shock at the moment more than anything. I don’t plan to lose the ground I’ve gained, but who knows?? This is so unreal…

      1. I’m sorry Hy.
        You will not lose the ground you’ve gained. And you will keep doing the regular things you have been doing. He is a shitty man for putting you through it, and you will walk away from it with your head held high.
        The good news is, in the few years you had since he moved out, you made that complex YOURS. Now, he’s the foreigner. He’s the one who needs to avoid you. You are at home and can keep doing just that. Be at home.

        In other news? If he moved into a similar appartment than he used to have, then it probably means he isn’t with his girlfriend any more. I mean, otherwise he’d have taken something bigger, or would have stayed in the place they probably shared since he left. Think of it that way: you may not have found the perfect man to live with yet, but he’s the shitty one who can’t keep a GF ;)

        Sending hugs Hy. XOXO

        1. Thanks Dawn. I’m feeling pretty good about things. Re the apartment, it’s identical to his old one, it’s just in a closer building now. I have no clue if he’s living with anyone or ever has.

          Thank you as always for your thoughts and love. xx Hy

  1. I’m genuinly sorry to hear you’re having to deal with this. It must feel shitty.
    And you know I’m a fan of yours, so I don’t want to seem … well … y’know … but …
    If I left my Wife I wouldn’t want to have to relocate. This is where I have built my life. These are the streets I know. The cafes where the staff know my usual order and my name. I can go for a drink with friends and walk home. This is home. I would move, but it would have nothing to do with my Wife still being here.

    1. I love you, too, AM, but your Wife and TB are like apples and hedgehogs. First of all, I see my exhusband constantly because of our child and I’ve had to just deal with it. We do NOT get on, but it’s what we must do. TN and I had no reason to remain nearby.

      The last thing I did with him in 2015 was end our friendship because it was too painful for me. He knew that. Then I returned all his things one day after he hurt me further.

      There’s nothing that will convince me that him staying was the right thing to do, but I can understand why he’d not leave (it’s his hike, he doesn’t want to bother, why should he? Etc), but why move back?? And so close??

      It would have been an easy thing to check *my* patio furniture. It’s all still there. It just makes no sense. There are tens of thousands of apartments in this city and even 400 in just this complex that would have been a respectable distance away – though I will never believe that coming back here in any capacity is a sane decision.

      I’ll be ok for sure, but this is still an astounding development to me.

      1. Sorry, I wasn’t meaning to draw comparisons between TN and my Wife. Just trying to say that my staying in this area wouldn’t be influenced by where my Wife was, but rather by uncountable other factors.
        I can’t even begin to guess why TN moved back and hope your paths don’t cross.
        (FWIW In your shoes, I would probably have gone out of my way to snoop around his car too.)
        :-×

      2. It makes a lot of sense to someone who may well be mentally ill. He make even be dangerous. He is STALKING you or coming up with a very good imitation of such. You won’t like what I have to say concerning the above.

        MOVE. If it is at all possible remove yourself from possible danger. I might even say probable because he is not just showing bad judgement by moving back, but very possibly ill intention. He may not even know this.

        I don’t expect someone who apparently likes high drama to listen to me. If by the rare chance that you do move be sure that there is NO apartment next door.

        You might even make a record of all the things that may happen and have happened with the ‘Neighbor’. If he does anything very weird at all you might contact an attorney and seek real defensive advice.

        Phillip

        1. Phillip, I’m not made of money, A, and B, I have a child whose home is where we are. Uprooting ya and spending thousands of dollars I don’t have is not the answer. I don’t think TN is a physical threat, but if I’m wrong I certainly have documentation of it all, don’t I? I have thousands of examples of him being a selfish, heartless prick and zero of him being a physical, psychotic threat. I’ll go with the former and just move out in a year as planned long before he moved back. Also, I don’t like high drama, but thanks for sharing your opinion that I do. – Hy

  2. My jaw is literally just hanging off my face with disbelief. What in the WHAT?! I’m so sorry, that can not possibly be comfortable. How invasive. I second Cara’s points: don’t let him take away from your progress.

  3. 2 words…..Oh Fuck.
    Everything in life for a reason. I read a quote once “Sometimes God sends an ex back into your life to see if you’re still stupid”

    Don’t be stupid

    Much love xox

  4. I love your writing style. Thank you for sharing so eloquently.

    I have had something very similar happen to me, too much to write here but if you want to exchange DMs with a sympathetic stranger I would be happy to. Strangely, my sudden re-introduction to my version of ‘The Neighbour’ when he dropped back into my life unexpectedly, actually ended up having many positives and I’m really glad it happened, but it was a hard road for sure! And a massive horrible shock at first as you describe- so your post has really resonated with me.

  5. Wow! Just effing wow! Words fail me, but your resolve won’t fail you Hy. Stay strong chick xx
    (Soz for the very tardy supportive message, nighshift rules atm)

      1. Sigh. Not a nom de plum, but my real name. I’ve come out of the closet as a sex blogger. Switched sites to *hopefully* eliminate any conflicts of interest or all the nudie pics I have scattered over the internet.

        Keeping my tits and ass out of this one. haha.

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