I really don’t have anyone.

For the first time since November of 2010 I don’t have a single person to send a nude to.  For real. Nada, no one, zilch.  Why?  Because no one deserves one, frankly.

I’m trying to keep a stiff upper lip (and resolve) about the men in my life.  I just keep hearing what I posted yesterday in my mind, “I can only make everyone else’s life so easy before I just call myself a doormat with a pussy,” and it’s keeping me from doing the thing I always do, which is to wait long enough until I’m efficiently inoculated to the terrible behavior I’ve suffered at their hands and reach out.

I do it with men, I do it with my family, I do it with friends.  I do all the labor, all the time.

That’s not to say I’m perfect – far from it – but I show up and I follow through without fail every time and with every one.  I’m also sweet, apologetic, and admit fault immediately if there is any at my feet. My biggest fear is that if my requirement for someone to get in my pants – or my life – is to actually be present and weather their own terrible behaviors like I do mine, then I may be alone forever.

Then again, “Doormat with a pussy.” Ugh.

I may be the most enlightened, hard up and lonely I’ve ever been in my life.  I want to cry, call everyone up and apologize and make plans and fuck fuck fuck like it was my last day on earth, epiphany be damned!!

But I won’t.

I don’t think I can and while that’s exciting on the one hand (yay, growth!), it’s totally terrifying on the other (boo, scary unknown!).

In the meantime, please send noodz; this attention whore needs as many friends as she can get.

If a nude is taken with no one to see, does it make a dick hard?



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A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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19 thoughts on “I really don’t have anyone.
  1. If it helps you just heated up my little part of the world. It’s winter here in Australia but after that pic you wouldn’t know it. Keep your head up and smile

  2. Honestly, nudes like the one above are waaaay too good to go to people undeserving of them. Let them step up to the plate and bring their A-game if they want some sexy snaps, although I know this is all easier said than done because I identified with this, ‘That’s not to say I’m perfect – far from it – but I show up and I follow through without fail every time and with every one. I’m also sweet, apologetic, and admit fault immediately if there is any at my feet.’ Which means I haven’t always saved my sexy for the right people, or even the right moments, when I have though it has been totally worth it, I hope you find the same to be true for you x
    Floss recently posted…[Relationships] What Would I Send To Room 101?My Profile

    1. I almost feel like I’m going through noodz detox right now lol but you are 100% right, my young friend: undeserving people should get things :) You think my cats would like to see my pics?? I gotta show somebody! Lol

  3. I tend to get sad, and ashamed of humanity when I read your words. You seem to be a genuine person, but just attract the wrong guys.

  4. Beautiful nude! These dudes clearly don’t know what they’re missing. I wonder at people sometimes ; just not willing to make any effort or have any ability to behave with common sense and basic manners!

    1. Thanks, Jupiter, but I don’t suppose anyone is *doing* anything to me as much as they’re just not being careful or sensitive about their impact on others. It’s part of why dating is so hard. We’re all so badly mistreated!

    1. Embarrassing – I read the word as “nodz” instead of “nudes”…now hiding my head in shame…

  5. Hy, you really shouldn’t need me to answer your question about falling trees, but rest assured, I will always be be able to find some wood for you.
    In all seroousness … actually … you have mail …

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