I’m in extrovert hell.

I told my therapist today that I worried I might get myself into trouble this weekend, my need for contact with people is so high.

Imagine that urge, dark and insistent, to seek solace and quiet when you’re overloaded and stretched so thin you think people can see right through you. A clinging, persistent hiss in your ear to be the fuck alone. I get that to be with people.

It’s like dry mouth and I must have a long, cool slug of something lest I fucking die.

First I reached out to friends about happy hour, but they weren’t available. So I reached out to another friend and while I waited to hear from her I decided to pick up a dropped OKC thread.

Then while I was sipping rosé with her – feeling largely dissatisfied still – he and I made plans to meet up later at my favorite little wine house at 9 o’clock. I felt moderately better.

He’s tall, goofy looking, fit, funny, and a single dad. And 10 years my junior. Of course.

(My meeting with the married man this morning never happened: kid stuff popped up.)

I am going to keep a close eye on myself this weekend and maybe just contemplate my navel instead of actually finding that trouble I’m worried about falling into.

Hopefully this goody fella will do the trick for my thirst.

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A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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3 thoughts on “I’m in extrovert hell.
  1. To do things by yourself takes practice. There was a time when being alone meant loneliness to me. Then I started going to places to take photos and since no one wants to watch a person wait for that exact moment when the light is right; I started going by myself. I am NOT SUGGESTING ANY SORT OF HOBBY so don’t jump on me with both feet! It just takes a little practice to slow down and so to speak, ‘smell the roses’. You may find you like not being responsible for your half of the conversation and being on time, etc.. You can also take your time and not be too pressed by inflexible time constraints and/or you can even come home early without explanation!

    Phil

    PS Contemplating the navel sounds a little too Zen. It could turn into boredom. Perhaps something a little less passive until you are more comfortable with being your own company.

    1. Phillip, you’re conflating what extroversion means with the inability to be alone. I am perfectly ok (and happy) doing things one, however, introversion/extroversion speaks to how an individual feels energized and invigorated, “fueled up.” It has nothing to do with loneliness. What I was speaking to was my low energy stores and my overwhelming need to be around people so I could recharge. I thought I made that clear, but maybe not? Thanks for your suggestions about enjoying my own company, though. I’m happy to report I already do :) Hy

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