This past week was a great big, fat downer in my World o’ Mens. I summed it up in my last Instagram post:
Let me tell you about the last week of my life in relation to men. On Monday The Golfer ignored my text about our previous night (blog post; link in profile). On Wednesday he told me he’d “let me know” about getting together this weekend. Meanwhile, The Vet and I made and confirmed plans for Sunday afternoon – day drinking, bike riding, pool, dinner, and banging – and we texted a little every day. Peter asked to see me Friday, but I had my kid. Saturday I texted TG a sexy pic and said to “Win golf!” He ignored the pic and said he was losing. He never did get back to me about seeing each other. I deleted our thread, but he’s programmed in my phone. Then at 10 am Sunday The Vet texted to say he’d had dinner with his exgf the night before – and while they didn’t talk about reuniting – he realized he couldn’t even handle something casual so he same-day cancelled on me. I told him to hit me up when the timing was right for him, then deleted the thread without ever programming in his number. I actually don’t give a shit about a jerk who can’t handle himself. I’ll never hear from him again. I texted Peter hoping he could pinch hit, but he never replied. I figured he was dead, but he texted yesterday, Monday, to say he’d been camping. I invited him over, but he was busy, so he suggested he could come over tonight. I gladly accepted his offer. This morning he texted me how excited he was to see me and then at 4, two hours before we were to get together, he texts that he’s “in a mood” and needs to reschedule. I told him it’ll be a couple of weeks and I’ll let him know, but the truth is I won’t. I deleted his thread, too. If he texts me, great, but I’m not chasing anyone down. So then I reopened all my dating apps and got to swiping only to run into my ex, TN, and two old lovers. Time for a new batch, I suppose; hopefully with men who respect me, my time, and my little broken heart. 💔
So I’m currently just gonna chill and not reach out to anyone. It just doesn’t seem right.
And I was wrong about The Vet; he texted me yesterday. An image of the back of his cat’s head looking out over the river from his balcony with the caption “Chillin’ with my villain.” I responded with “Dragon kitty!” and he lol’d. That was it. Not sure what the fuck he wanted [from me].
I ended up grabbing a drink with another fella named Peter (Peter 2.0) the night Peter late-cancelled, but I didn’t feel a thing other than total wonderment that he asked me so many questions about my life; deep, meaningful questions. He lost me when he said people have described him as Eeyore… this Tigger doesn’t have time for a project like that.
I suspect Peter thinks I’m pissed so he’s avoiding me.
And The Golfer… I don’t even know what to say about that dude. I haven’t heard boo from him. I’m just trying to get to California with my kid despite cancelled flights and thunderstorms. I don’t have time for any of this bullshit.
Oh! And I almost forgot! Remember “Early Afternoon Lunch” guy?? He was this guy back in February that I chatted with a bunch for about two weeks. I gave him my Saturday night on a custody weekend (those are extra precious to me) and then that morning he texted simply, “Early afternoon lunch.” Uh….
I didn’t appreciate the downgrade to a fucking brunch so I asked for clarification. I never heard from him again… until yesterday when I noticed he’d liked me on OKC so I swiped right, too, to see what the fuck he wanted. The chat went like this:
Him: Hey Hyacinth
Me: Hey Early Afternoon Lunch Guy
H: How you been?
M: Good, you?
H: I’m off todayM: Ah. Good for you. So what’s up? Do you remember me? We met on The League, texted for a couple of weeks, set a date for a Saturday night then that morning you switched it up to a “late breakfast” then never texted me again when I tried to clarify what was going on.H: I apologize about that. I wasn’t quite ready to get back into dating, and I should’ve told youM: Yeah, you should’ve. It was super inconsiderate of you, particularly since all you had to do was tell me how you were feeling. I’d have still been bent out of shape about the late cancellation, but it’d have been better than ghosting on me like that. I lost a whole night of *something* because of that since I couldn’t scrounge up anything to do on such short notice. Not to mention being treated like that didn’t feel all that great.H: I understand and you’re right. I’m sorry I was so inconsiderateM: Thank youH: No problem
Should I leave you alone?M: Lemme think on itH: That’s fair. LemmenoM: Sure. I need to know – from you – why I should let you back inH: I’ve been working on myself the last few months. Trying to get to a better place mentally and financially. I feel I’m getting there…not fully realized yet, but I’m doing the work and going in the right directionM: Do you want to get to know me? Will you not pull that shit on me again?H: Yes. On both accountsM: I gotta say I’m a little underwhelmed by your answers! I mean, I was at least hoping for something about how awesome I am and how you regretted fucking shit up before because of said awesomeness 💁🏼♀️Well, I’m sorry but I was with my son yesterday afternoon and wasn’t able to expand appropriately
I don’t miss dating. I’ve had too many similar experiences with inconsiderate guys. You’re a champ for trying because it is mean out in them streets. You know yourself which means less tolerating of bullshit.
Cara Thereon recently posted…Stray Thoughts
I’m trying so hard, Cara, to do the right things. It’s so fucking hard, though…
Totally agree with you. 👏
It’s so bad!
I have decided that nearly all men find honest and open communication tough especially if they are maybe in the wrong
Where are the adults who say “I’m sorry I can’t do what I promised, but how about
And how on earth can this be so hard. I don’t understand
Molly
It’s ridiculous how awful men are. I know women can be gross humans, too, but if I’m perfectly honest, I have NEVER dated a man that was emotionally viable. And you know I’ve dated A LOT lol.
It’s so interesting (and sad), that we all (men) seem to be like this. I’ve read your blog for a few years now and wish I could say – with a dollop of superiority and a pinch of condescension – that I’m not like any of those guys that you repeatedly come across who childishly ghost, lie, obfuscate, manipulate, deflect, gaslight, etc. But, of course, I am. The particulars and circumstances and degree may be different – but the root behaviors are all depressingly the same. We’re like a ruined generational and cultural product. I do wonder, and have a bit of hope, that maybe it’s generational. Maybe the current crop of boys brought up with higher expectations for equality and respect will be better. Until then, I am sorry. And, at least, I promise that I will try (am trying) to be better. . . . .
Thank you SO much for this note. If I can help just one person – if either sex – be critical of their behaviors and/or choices I can die a happy woman. No one should have to go through this! I’m crossing my fingers for the next generation too…
Damn. I could have wrote this post… only you wrote it so much better than I ever could.
It is shocking how emotionally stunted men are when it comes to clear and honest communications. It is bewildering.
An example if my most recent experience:
Just this week a guy I had a first date scheduled with gave me a wishy-washy “I probably won’t be able to make it tonight” explanation the afternoon of. He disappeared got two days then continued communications as though nothing had ever happened. WTF. No apology, no “can we reschedule?”, no remorse.
I told him this wasn’t working for me and wished him well. His response was “bummer” with a shrug emoji yet continues to text several times a day, which I’ve ignored.
I genuinely do not understand this bullshit. Like you, I’m tired of doing all the emotional heavy lifting, and we really shouldn’t have to!
BLOCK AND DELETE HIM! Seriously. No explanation to him required. You’ll feel so much better when you do it.
Yes, of course! He was definitely blocked.
Good!!
As wonderful as you are, unfortunately the wide availability of choices on all the dating apps seem to make men less willing to invest in anything serious, especially at the beginning.
The Eeyore guy cracks me up, you seem to have a penchant for running into interesting characters.
I have tried every dating app out there. None have worked for me beyond getting laid. Fuck it lol.
I come across so many characters because I go out so much! It’s a numbers game :)
Hmmm, sorry to hear about your crappy week Hy. Believe me, it’s the same here with men. My gf’s tell me the same stories & they are over it! Best of luck honey xxxx
Thank youuuuu xx