I am not a happy accident.

Last week The Vet(erinarian) and I met up at a fancy restaurant by his place for a drink. We sat at the bar – not far from where we sat on our second date – and laughed and talked and ate. Our glasses kept full by an attentive bartender.

Plates of decadent food later and with a deep, warm buzz we looked at one another when she asked if we wanted more.

“I’m down to go for it,” I said. “Is it ok if I crash on your couch?”

“Yeah! Of course!”

So off we went deep into our cups, jokes, and disagreements about the intimacy of “ripping a huge, juicy fart” in front of your partner.  I didn’t feign my disgust even as I laughed uncontrollably. 

Tipsy past the point of what could be called responsible, he paid our enormous bill and we left.

Back at his place, on his giant leather couch, I would eventually and quietly lean over away from him, close my eyes, and sleep.  Alone.

As the sun rose in the east and painted the sky with pastels he padded out into the living room in his underpants and a t-shirt.  “You could’ve slept in my bed,” he said. I told him I was cool where I was.

We talked for a while and then I walked the long halls and rode down 10 levels to the garage.   The truth was, I’d made a promise to myself that if I were to fuck him ever again, it was going to happen sober, and had I gone in that room with him I don’t know what would’ve happened.

As close to him as I felt, as safe and appreciated, it didn’t come close to feeling actually wanted by him in a deliberate and mindful way, and these days – when it comes to him, anyway – I want to be a choice, and not a happy accident [for his dick].

I want more than that.  Dicks are a dime a dozen and I’m a precious mother fucking gift. 

February Photofest

A 40-something single mother who writes honestly about sex, body image, D/s, relationships, her nervous tics, and how much she loves to fucking fuck. She also likes to show you her tits.

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6 thoughts on “I am not a happy accident.
  1. Pretty girls are a dime a dozen and I would like six! Could I place a standing order?

    Having to wait until you are sober to have sex sounds like a good idea. However, you may find the odd exception to be just what you need at times. The exception that proves the rule! Or maybe does?

    The ‘Vet’ being a veterinarian and not an old soldier sounds good as well. Is it the ‘Vet’ who is leaving? If it is, I feel bad for you. So is the situation such that you really can’t throw yourself down on the ‘throw rug’ and beg for him to stay promising whatever it takes to make it so! He sounds like a nice guy and working with and presumably liking animals is a real plus in my book. I have in the past had a couple of situations where, in retrospect, I wish that I would have yelled down the road “Don’t LEAVE”. One happened fifty years ago and I miss her still.

    You can leave the door open. Seems like I said that before. Seriously, things are different these days and most anything could happen over the years. Since the door was open, you will just walk into the living room and find him standing there. Keep extra eggs in the fridge and some frozen bacon. He will most likely arrive at breakfast time!

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