Well, as I suspected I blew my writing wad on February Photo Fest and so I’ve been languishing in not writing much this week. I’m also on an antibiotic for BV and I can’t drink for 10 days. Not a big deal at all, but it has allowed me to just really have chill and introspective nights alone with myself which I’ve been enjoying a lot.
I suspect I got the infection from my raunchy night with the Rich Golfer. Drunk men aren’t the best at not cross-contaminating with fingers in holes, after all. So no booze what so ever and no sex what so ever, either this week. It’s been really really great, actually.
Friends and men both have teased me about giving either or both a try, but I have been unwilling to experiment. I need the puss in tip top shape for my trip to London in the event I get lucky. I also don’t need to feel the wrath of whatever my body would do to me if I were to introduce alcohol.
So, here I am: sober and sexless and loving it.
Of course, having said that, I will be seeing RG tonight to finally get him his RayBans. I think I’m going to bring my vibrator and some Topo Chico.
This weekend is the last mad push to get ready for Eroticon and I have lists as long as my arm to get finished before I leave next Wednesday.
As far as boobs go, I think y’all will like this week’s submissions – read Sandy’s comment closely.
I’m so proud of myself for getting this one posted BEFORE Friday! I feel like a grown up meme owner/runner/whatever! Woohoo!
Thanks as always for bearing with me to all of you who rise hours and hours ahead of me and sometimes have to wait 20 hours before a link is available to you. You are all the very very best and I appreciate your kindness and your continued support and participation!
I’m watching Season 4 of the Great British Baking Show (not sure how I managed to skip that one!). It’s by far the best thing ever made for TV, I’ll tell you that much. I’m watching them sculpt “plaited bread showstoppers” at the moment. Fucking brilliant.
Also, in less than a month I will be in London for Eroticon! OMG, I’m so excited! I can’t wait to see everyone! All the hugs and kisses and loveliness.
This long gaze and wide view of me makes me tremble. There are no slights of hand here, no cut of a shadow or kiss of a sunbeam to contour my shape. I feel more exposed in this open frame than in all of my thousands of arm’s length, close-up photos. You can actually see me.
I believe that confidence is a mix of a magic feather and willing audience. They want to see me fly and so I fly. High and light and beautiful above them, gripping my feather tight because it can’t possibly be real, this unconditional appreciation and love.
When I was 10 my little heart was ground to a pulp by a silly boy and a group of heckling friends. They didn’t believe in me except my gullibility. I was detestable, an easy target. That wasn’t the thing that broke me, but it was by far the most memorable – and earliest – instance when I felt unacceptable.
Growing up in this world that presents a very narrow path to society’s acceptance – skinny, young, pouty lips, clear skin, big tits, shiny hair, fun, funny, pretty, easy, cool, sweet, and and and – I suffered like most of us do. I wasn’t special in that narrative. I hated everything about my body. My hair color, my ass, my little breasts. I never wanted to be what I was.
Then I began to find my audience as I grew older. No one was kicking me out of bed. I may not have been stopping traffic, but I seemed to be holding my own. Boys in bars and men online and folks online, people whose acceptance of me was never narrow treated me like I was a desirable, beautiful woman.
It took a while – 36 years to be exact – but I finally discovered the equation to feel 7 feet tall: a little cleavage and a controlled image plus an approving audience equals a performance that even I could believe in. It was as if I believed in them believing in me which helped me believe in myself. I truly am not an island: I need you all.
I worry sometimes about the passage of time and my inevitable move away from the narrow definition of attractiveness and this self-esteem equation but perhaps by then I will have shifted things around. Less audience, more just me. I’ve seen enough little old ladies with white chin hairs like dorsal fins above the water’s surface to know that it could happen.
For now it looks like something like this: Some Hy x my mood + some audience approval = a confident, relaxed Hy. My mood is the variable that affects the need for audience approval. For example, had I not gotten laid February 1st after taking a months worth of long-view photos for this project I may have taken a hit right in the gut and stayed in bed for the weekend periodically wondering how anyone can stand being around me.
But I didn’t have to worry about that because my smoke and mirrors worked in person, too, and I got to rub my hands all over his chiseled abs even as my soft thighs spread down around on either side of hips. My act so seamless and sublime that he didn’t now he was really with a dumpy middle-aged woman. He truly thought he was with a voluptuous goddess that night. And so did I. Because I am.
It’s taken me this long to post because I had to take my FebPhotoFest pics. I’m not sure if I’ll use any but the one I’ll post today, but it was a fun couple of hours rolling around my couch and bed, I can say that much.
And Sandy is back!!
I’ll leave it at that. I have my first date with the “not liberal Liberal” sub tonight. I’m nervous and not all that excited. I think my heart has officially turned to ash.
My blog ate a post! I did the last leg of the Smut Relay last Friday and DomSigns and I looked for it everywhere, but to no avail. I’ve actually been writing, just not for public consumption, apparently!
I’ve also been beyond exhausted this week. Work is kicking my ass and I’m recovering from my weekend in the Pacific Northwest with my framily. Happy, sad, a couple of subs… That’s right: a couple of subs. My Irishman has some company, a man my age from my hometown of San Francisco who may move here soon and who will be in London nearly the exact same dates as me! Seriously. WTF??
He’ll be here next Friday first, though, and we’ll have our first date. If things go well, we may meet up while in England. A coupla Yanks touring the “motherland” lol. I’ll keep you posted! [Insert hands up emoji here]
In any case, I’m around, just discombobulated as usual. Big surprise, I know.
I wrote my submission for the Eroticon anthology on the 2nd and though no one has seen it, it felt like I wrote – I mean, I did it’s just that y’all didn’t get to see it. And if isn’t accepted I’ll post it here and have a bit of a freebie post.
My week has been childless and quiet. No dates – I’m on a Man Cleanse for January which I’ll write about more another day – and I’m mostly on a booze cleanse too (only socially, not alone — although I did drink wine at home tonight on my own and enjoyed every second of it. In other words, I’ve been spending a lot of time just being with myself and laying really low.
Full disclosure: I am chatting a little with some fellas here an there – My Irishman and a couple of old friends – but any time I meet a new man online and he asks me out I say, “Sorry, I’m not free until February.”
My phone is quiet, my mind is quiet, my vag is very very quiet. Good times, y’all.
I chose this pic this week because despite being at my heaviest ever and without any lover in my life I still feel beautiful and sex. It wasn’t always like that. I used to feel lost in a black void when I wasn’t getting fucked. I feel like I’ve rounded some kind of self-esteem corner. It’s rather nice.
1) either submit a pic to me via email (email@example.com) OR
2) submit a link below to your own blog post for Boobday.
Also, just as a reminder:
If you send me a pic, be sure to tell me if you want to be anonymous or not and what your pseudonym is (if you have one or I gave you one)
Tell me why you chose the photo you sent
And don’t forget to comment on everyone’s posts! This is all about spreading the love!
NOT my tits:
I have become a larger woman as I have aged, yet would not want the smaller breasts I had when younger. My boyfriend enjoys buying me very sexy bras and my wearing them under a very sheer blouse/top when we go out. He wants the world to see my breasts and I am unashamed and proud to do so. Breasts are a beautiful body part to be celebrated.
My little Boobday break did me good. It was nice to not worry about it over the insane holidays. I felt more worn down after Christmas than I do after a week of work! I’ve gotta figure that out…
Anyway, I’m back at it and I didn’t even let you guys know. I’m posting Sandy’s 12/14 Boobday pic (thanks, Sandy!).
I’m ready for 2019 (even though I’m not a fan of the number itself – I’m weird about prime numbers) and looking forward to an exciting and better year all around.
I picked this photo of me because that morning I was struck by how damn soft I felt. I know I feel myself every day, but that morning it caught my attention and I imagined how I must feel to someone else. Soft, warm, squishy.
Here’s to being back on track with Boobday!! See y’all next week!!
It was Thanksgiving in the US yesterday and it’s become the time of year when reflection is served along side the turkey.
I’m currently sitting on a couch about 3 hours from home with dogs strewn everywhere, at my hip, my feet and on the other couch. Peyton and my friend of 20+ years are watching some college football game and idly chatting. I’m fighting extreme fatigue – turkey overdose, bad sleep, and too much wine the past two nights. I can’t decide whether or not to stay overnight again or just jump back on the road.
I’m feeling pretty grateful for my life right now. Despite my ever present back pain, I believe I’m relatively healthy *knock on wood* and I am feeling less and less lonely as the weeks and months go by. The Neighbor’s return into my life has fortified the growth I’ve experienced in the year that he was away. I feel 10 feet tall and unstoppable and suddenly more hopeful than ever for the coming days. I overwhelming feel like I got this.
Anyway, sorry for the late posting, all my beautiful friends in the UK and Europe. I nearly forgot all about it so I’m feeling pretty good that there’s a post at all!
To my fellow Americans, I hope you had a beautiful day with the people you love the most yesterday!