Go to the sex category for the pervy stuff.  Not all posts here contain explicit sexual content, but a lot do.  If I mention someone in a post, I put it here.  Sometimes.  I’m not really all that organized, though the Virgo in me demands at least a semblance of it.

All names are pseudonyms — except those that aren’t — and  I have gone to great lengths to protect the identities of all the men written about here — and my own — but I understand that anyone intimately engaged with me might think, “Hey!  That’s me!”  Don’t be shy if that’s the case.

If you are reading this and recognize yourself please email me and we can discuss what to do next: take it down?  change anything you feel is identifying?  send me hate mail? ask me out again?

All I ask is that you reach out to me first before emailing my mother or boss a link to this site.

 Current Lovers

Internet boyfriend (a.k.a. IBF) – this is the mysterious, all-encompassing boyfriend that is you and everyone else who reads this blog.

  • He is kind, loving and knows me inside and out. He is patient and wise, but also loves to hear the gritty details of my dissolute life.  He isn’t jealous, but he is protective and wants only the best for me.  He is my champion and always happy to get a sext from me, always willing to come over to fuck  me till I’m inside out, always willing to listen any time of the night or day.  His support is inexhaustible, his humor droll, his intellect sharp.  I need him in my life as I learn to walk again as a woman and a sexual being.

It’s hard to have an accurate and current list because men come and go so quickly, but basically no one is a steady in my bed except the dog.  However these fellas aren’t completely off the table and I would happily have them again.

– Peter – (Met in 2015) – 9 years my junior.  A 6’6″ ray of sunshine who’s made many an afternoon, but things didn’t ramp up until the summer of 2018.  He’s in a DADT open relationship  and is out the door by 7 pm at the latest finally single and isn’t handling it well with me.

.  We’ve been seeing each other regularly since June of 2018.

The Golfer – (February 2019) – 7 years my junior.  He’s beautiful in a Peter Brady sort of way and has a magic cock and filthy mind.  He lives in an affluent neighborhood adjacent to his country club.  He’s a distant, aloof man in between our intensely fun dates and confessed to his obsession with golf and booze.




It took a little while for me to get my ducks in a row after the break up, but I got back at it eventually.

(TO ADD: Eddie, August, Mr. Young, The Masseuse, Napoleon, The Hippie, The Felon, Thomas, Logan, Mr. T,  John, Donovan, The 21 yo, Franklin, Hockey Fan, The Professor, Highrise, Brad, The Artist, Will, Worm, The Croatian, Charlie the Waiter, The Sub)

The hurtful ones: August, Mr. Young, Logan, Franklin, The Soldier, The Welder, Remington, Bones, The Sub,

The funny ones: Mr. T, Kevin

The fun ones: Eddie, The Masseuse, Napoleon, The Hippie, Highrise, Brad, The Artist, Charlie the Waiter, The Little Marine, David, Chase, Petya, Bearded Guy, Captain, Poppy

The tough ones: The Felon, Thomas, The 21 yo, Hockey Fan, Worm, The Croatian, Donovan, The Professor, The Ginger Viking, Bad Texter, The Lawyer, John, Never Named This Guy, Clark, Bad Tuesday Night Lay,  Will

– The Little Marine (4/15) 10 years my junior.  A good way to get back in the game, but it was brief.

– The Ginger Viking (4/15) – 5 years my junior.  Honestly, I don’t want to count him.  It lasted less than 90 seconds.

  • Hrm.  Not even really worth a post.

– David (4/15) – 8 years my junior.  Fireman who likes to choke me with his giant cock.  We don’t communicate well, but the sex is boundary-pushing and a thrill and so long as we keep the talking to a minimum things are good.  He keeps coming back for a savage fuck.  His new year goal is to fuck me in the ass, apparently.  Not sure how that’s going to happen seeing as I’m basically an ass virgin, he’s as big as a beer can and we never see each other, but a man can dream, I guess!

– Chase (5/15) – 6 years my junior.  Compelling and a kindred sex-spirit.  And like I suspected, he decided to devote his energies to the two women with whom he liked the most.  He texted me a few weeks later to confirm I was into being a couple’s 3rd.  Maybe he’ll be back in my bed one day, along with his girlfriend.

– Bad Texter – (5/15) – 6 years younger.  He ignited a different side of me completely by accident.  His rude texting behavior eventually forced me to politely walk away.

– The Lawyer (6/15) – 10.5 years my junior.  Tall as fuck, sweet as pie, lived an hour away.  He tried a few times to pin me down, but I couldn’t commit to a second date.  He did the quiet fade, sadly.

– Never named this guy (8/15) –  A couple years younger than me we hung out 2 or 3 of times like real human beings.  We decided I’d go to his house and he’d make me dinner.  It was when I realized sometimes I sucked.

– The Soldier (9/15) – 9 years younger, tall, tattooed, stupidly beautiful.  We met on AFF and met 24 hours later and had our first date 24 hours after that.  A week later he disappeared, reappeared, and a couple of days later he vanished completely.  A few weeks later he returned, apologized and we’re talking again.  I have whiplash.  As of February 2016 I haven’t heard from him since wishing me Happy New Year and then he resurfaced months later to say Hi again and again disappeared.

Petya (11/15) – 15 years younger; a Russian immigrant who had a perfect American accent.  He was like the Tazmanian Devil.  I ended it because he wasn’t together enough.

Kevin (1/12 for a few months then we picked back up 12/15) – 11 years my junior; pretends to be an old man.

21 yo (12/15) – 19 years younger.  He took a selfie of us at the bar, which I found odd, then blocked me the next day.  Perhaps it was because I made him download Lyft to get home at 3 am.

Bad Tuesday Night Lay (12/15) – 10 years younger?  Can’t remember.  He booty called me a couple of times after to no results.

Bearded Guy (1/16) – 7 years younger

– Clark (1/16) – 15 years younger; stylish AF, smart and sweet.  First guy in a long time to take me out on a proper date.

– Captain (3/16) – 14 years my junior; a captain in the Marines.  Tall, burdened with the troubles of the world.

– Bones (1/16) – 9 years my junior; short-ish, hung, archaeologist with a dry, easy-going energy.  Mad kisser, bad at darts, Jenga, and communicating.

– Remington (4/16) – 15 years my junior; tall, blond and beautiful.  A musical virtuoso and a fellow artist I decided to trust.

– The Welder (4/16) – This was the experience where I began to unravel.

– Nameless Friends With Benefits (6/16) – Men who never got named.  Part of the Summer of ________.

– Will (7/16) – My age, married man I met on a sugar daddy site.  Our attempt at “an arrangement” failed miserably, but I learned some valuable lessons.

– The Artist (8/16) – 7 years younger, Viking-looking, sensitive.  Too sensitive in the end.

– The Sub (8/16) – 13 or 14 years younger we met on a D/s site and emailed for weeks exploring our needs and wants.  I pressed “pause” on finding a sub after our time together, but not why you might think.

– Poppy (8/16) – 10 years younger, from Long Island, tall and beautiful, like an Adonis.  Also limping along from a messy breakup and a shattered heart.

– Franklin (9/16) – 15 years older than me and a wealthy single man looking for an uncomplicated sugar relationship. 

– Brad (9/16) – My age, chiseled from marble and a joke book; shorter than me.

– Ben (5/16) – 16 years younger, Ben offered me a place to stay while I was in London for Eroticon.  Our 36 hours together changed me. I hope to see him again when I return in 2018.

– Walker – (August 2018) – 13 years my junior.  6′, ambitious, boy-next-door, hung like a mother fucking stallion.  We had a magical night and he wants to see me again so I can use a strap-on on him.  We’ll see.

The Neighbor

The man from whom it took years to recover.  After 2 years and 9 months since he broke up with me he finally moved away at the end of September, 2017.  My quality of life increased in ways I didn’t know were possible, for example, I no longer had anxiety checking my mail and I even took my dog to pee on the lovely patch of grass beside his building.  It’s the little things.  I now have no idea where he is and it’s a wonderful feeling.  He also stopped stalking me online.  Then, in October of 2018, he moved back into the building closest to me.  I occasionally see him, but am filled with nothing but disdain.  There is no more active pain.

The Neighbor (TN) – 9 years my junior, the man I loved.  We dated from November of 2011 until January of 2015.  He broke my heart, but in the end, I absolutely agree it was the right thing to do.  I just wish I’d done it sooner.

Click here to read from the beginning or here to read posts only about him in whatever order you choose.

During The Neighbor

TN and I weren’t monogamous for a long time.  It wasn’t until the middle of our second year that I focused only on him.

– Jason (10/11) – 11 years younger, a PhD student.

– Phillip (10/11) -9 years older than me, a business man who fucked the shit outta me.

– Casio (12/11)– goddamn he had a purty body.

– Bulldozer (1/12) – chick with mocha colored skin and big, juicy lips.  She used me and Kevin and skipped out with a smile on her face.

– Tuesday (3/12) – couple of years older than me, maybe; dude caught in the crossfires of my desire for The Neighbor.

– Beefcake (a.k.a. Beefy, but nerdy) (7/12) – a few months younger than me, tall and beefy, but nerdy with lots of tattoos.

After I left my husband

After my husband and I separated I hit the ground running.

– Jimmy (9/10) – ex-lover who got an epic blowjob.

– Matt (10/10) – 4 years younger; ADD, dental student who took advantage me.

– Ethan (10/10) – 4 years younger, a contractor who liked to make big promises he had no intention of keeping.

– Dave (11/10) – 2 years older, a single dad with whom I never really felt a lot of chemistry.  I introduced him to Lina and to my knowledge, they’re still dating  married today.

– Troy (11/10)–  2 years older; loved to suck cock. We dated non-monogamously for about 8 months ending all communication in November of 2011. We had several group sex experiences together including my most loved MMF combo.  He was a very talented lover who opened my eyes to truly great sex, but could also be cruel.  Years later, we’re good platonic pals and I value our special friendship and special bond.

– Alan (12/10) – 5 years younger, a dude who looked like a dockworker.  I told him I needed a savage fuck, he said, “Come on over.”

  • I like my men to talk less and keep their tongues in their mouths

– Jack (12/10) – 10 years younger; identifies as pan-sexual. He fucked me and Troy several times with various other partners, but then schedules got in the way and we drifted apart. He’s a Dom with a loving streak. I’m still friends with him and his fiancée, Emma.

– Dan (1/11) – a couple of years older than me, he was an old high school crush who came through town and stayed at a swanky hotel.

  • I poured champagne on my tits

– Emma (1/11) – 18 yo at the time, I felt like Mrs. Robinson but a dirty, filthy one.  It’s no fun fucking someone to whom you could be their mother.  She was great, though.

– Zed (1/11) – a couple of years younger than me and the best friend of a graduate school friend of mine.  He wore tweed the first time I met him and was a killer kisser.

  • I wish his dick matched his bravado

– Lina (2/11) – 11 years my junior;  I loved how accessible she was to me (she was always up for fun), but she was cruel and an unapologetic racist.

– Geoff (3/11)  – 30-something dude who shaved his entire body.  He was fun, then he disappeared until he brought Ross over for a disastrous MFM a month later.

– Tennis Pro (3/11) – a year or two younger than me, 6’2″, gorgeous.  When he saw me in the coffee shop I could see him catch his breath.  He was nice.

  • I won’t let you cum on me on the first date, but you can fuck me on the second

– Giant (3/11) – 10 years my junior he was 6’6″ and nerdy.

  • I’ll ask you if you want a bologna sandwich with Cheetos

– Kent (3/11) – a couple years older than me, 6’1″, he was the color of a coffee bean and built like a track star.  I teased him about being a tripod because his cock was magnificently huge and he claimed to have been a scrawny little teenager.

– Ross (4/11) – the nice friend of Geoff who got his rocks off on my balcony after the shittiest threesome ever.

  • Homophobic men aren’t sexy

– Lou (5/11) – early 30s.  We fucked only twice because the second date he accidentally slammed it into my asshole twice and though I was clearly in pain, he was unapologetic or concerned.

– Mensa (6/11) – 2 years younger; claimed to be in Mensa.

– Hunter (6/11) – late 30s, 6’4″; charming as all fuck.

– Ryan (6/11)- late 20s; he was on the DL with his other female lovers, but I got to see him suck cock.

– Becky (7/11) -barely past drinking age, Ryan’s girlfriend.  She had the figure of Brittney Spears and a sweet disposition.  We loved each other’s bodies.

– Pianoman (7/11) – 30-something single dad who played piano for a living.

  • I blew someone away

– Jake (8/11)– He got a surprise.

– Roy (8/11) – 4 years younger, a special ops kind of guy. We first met the end of the summer of ’11. He was marvelously generous with his jokes and his money.

– Max (9/11)- My birthday present.

– JohnJohn (10/11) – 30-something entrepreneur who wore those funny toe shoes.

  • I fucked a guy while my friends fucked in the other room  |  If you fuck my face too hard, I will vomit wine on you

– DeRouge (10/11) – 30-something traveling man from out of town.

  • Traveling men are fun


111 thoughts on “Lovers
      1. i don’t think you’d ‘know’ anybody who wouldn’t find it funny, nor tell you there’s no need to be embarrassed…….i’ve read that sentence five times and i’m almost sure all the negatives make sense; i’m loathe to rewrite it…

  1. Hi! I got here from a blog that has a link to and then then I clicked on your blog to read. I am not too savvy, (in general), and when trying to navigate “things” on the internet. Needless to say I read pieces and parts of this blog, (which I VERY much enjoyed), and I think I just figured out how to read your entries in chronological order. That being said, I started reading your blog this morning in a random spot. You were expressing the lingering pain of the breakup with TN. And I was sad with you! Then I had to look around and try to find out when it happened. So I discovered your Lovers page and I am going to read about your relationship in the correct order finally. I tell you, I just had a shitty fucking fucking (fucking) thing happen to me a couple of fucking days ago and your writing has been my only escape. It is hard for me to sustain my attention while reading but, with how and what you write about, I have no problem at all. I have to say last night I was reading during a part of your relationship when things were fuckibly blissful. I loved reading how the love you had for each other was there long before you, and finally numbnut, could express it. It was really special to enter your thoughts when you described how he played tag with you for a long time, acting like the baggage carrying mofos we all are, then finally uniting. I can’t imagine, really, how this breakup was and continues to be for you. Your blogs have made me I feel emotionally invested to a certain degree. I was so happy for you when you became a couple and he started to shed some of his layers and open up to you. Your descriptions of those various moments resonated with me, (like when he called you beautiful when you were sitting on your bed with wet hair). I really felt him say that to you and you conveyed your feelings and the moment so well. Like suspending a nugget of joy to reread. Anyway I will make time tonight and read the whole adventure in proper order. I don’t know if it is because I am more emotionally charged right now but I understand why you are still hurting and when those thoughts about the relationship flash through your mind at various times throughout your day and how it creates such a dark clod of thoughts which you try to push away to focus on the here and now. Anyway thank you for all of your hard work and NICE body BTW….as far as I know I not gay but I am starting to appreciate how beautiful a female’s body is, including mine.

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