I’ll be back soon!

I’m not sure what you’ll see as I do some heavy blog maintenance later this afternoon, but don’t worry, I haven’t quit! The blog may be down for a few hours or a couple of days, I’m not really sure which, but it’s all very routine.

I’ll be back better than ever before you know it!

In the meantime, here’s a pic I just snapped for your viewing pleasure.

xx
Hy

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I sound like I’m gloating.

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What I’m about to say may come as a surprise to you: Sometimes I get sick of myself.  I sound like I’m gloating.

Particularly when I look at my Chronology page.  Here I am writing about and documenting nearly every sexual encounter I’ve ever had over the past 3 years* and they’re all all, “Oh my god, it blew my mind!  I cried and he was huge and it was A.MAZ.ING!”

I cringe now at the long list, but when I started this blog I really just wanted a way to keep track of everyone I was screwing.  Now it just seems self-congratulatory.

But that list, and the content of this site, is deliberate.  First of all, it’s all true (yep, go ahead and hate), but second, I can’t write about anything else.  Not the other parts of my life or what else happens between The Neighbor and me because I’m trying to not to be the worst person in the world.

So, what does that leave me to write about?  Well, honestly, all the really great sex I’m having, and I suspect it’s similar for most sex bloggers out there.  Others wrote about this one-dimensionalness recently and it certainly resonated with me.

My new life since leaving my marriage has been documented from day 1 and I don’t want to give it up.  The Neighbor was just going to be another notch on my belt.  He wasn’t supposed to become a great love, but he has and here we are: he’s my main character in a really steamy romance about two semi-kinky people who can’t get enough.

I protect him and his anonymity by only writing about our sex.  Go ahead, lambast me for my contradictions and ongoing betrayal, but don’t worry, I’m my worst critic.  I’m president of the Hyacinth is a Deceitful Shit Club.

It just so happens the sex is pretty fucking good.  And I like writing about it.

That leads me to this: Does this ever get old for you?  Because it totally does for me.  Post after post saying basically the same thing: Hy got the bejeezus fucked outta her.  She’s in love.  She’s really happy.  Yay, her.  Blah blah blah.

Would it be better if I told you about how every once in a while I get bored with our equation of cuddles + erection + missionary + ankles on shoulders + orgasms + hitachi + more orgasms?

Well, it’s true.  Sometimes I do.

The point is, that even though I write about having a shit ton of really amazing sex I can still feel blasé about it, even a little bored.  I’m almost eager to tell you this because it makes me feel like less of a gloating asshole.

On the last occasion I was feeling antsy about our sex I mentioned it to him and we both laughed at my ridiculous critique.  “All I’m really saying is let’s do more and different positions like we used to!” I suggested.

His response was something along the lines of, “If it’s not broke don’t fix it!  But ok, we can mix it up!”  I was grateful he wasn’t taking it the wrong way and with a grain of salt.  He was sweet enough to take me seriously, but also laugh with me.  It’s highly likely I was also slightly hormonal and a little out of my mind.

Then, as if to prove a point, he took his erection, shoved it inside of me with him on top, brought me to the point of boiling over, hoisted my legs up and hitched my ankles on his shoulders and brought me to a couple of swirling orgasms before he then lay on his side, still buried in me, and handed me my Hitachi for a couple more orgasms.

His winning remark when we were done? “Now is that really all that bad??”

I laughed and shook my head, but said, “Yes, yes it was!” instead.

The next night he did me doggy-style and I logged it somewhere on this blog as, “Yet another amazing night of sex, ohemgeeeee!” But I hope you now know it’s only because I won’t write about the other parts of me and I don’t want to bore you with the lame stuff about my ridiculousness.

I’m not bragging or trying to make you feel bad about whatever, I just lucked the fuck out this go around — big time — and I’m a writer who needs to write, so here I am detailing yet another night of the awesome sexy time for all to see.

I promise I’m not really an asshole.  I just don’t have anything else I want to write about.

*though this blog is only 2 years old, it covers the previous year, as well.

I’m sexier than Liechtenstein.

I’m sure a lot of you got this annual report thingy.  Apparently, I’m more interesting to some people than Liechtenstein. Go figure.

Here’s an excerpt:

About 55,000 tourists visit Liechtenstein every year. This blog was viewed about 230,000 times in 2012. If it were Liechtenstein, it would take about 4 years for that many people to see it. Your blog had more visits than a small country in Europe!

Click here to see the complete report.

But my point in posting this is for more than just tooting my own stupid horn.

First, I’ve been blogging for a little over a year now (my anniversary was 12/17) and I’m more passionate than ever about it.  I hope I can maintain this kind of traffic and interest a year from now and I want to mark where I am now.

Second, a year in review is always relevant at the start of a new year, so why not?  Besides, I have a shit ton of awards and kudos to catch up on that I’ve basically ignored for most of the year (yeah, I’m a dick blogger, remember?).

Third, I also have a blog-content idea I’d like to run by my readers and fellow bloggers.  Who would be interested in participating in a bi-weekly column about online dating?  Email me at hyacinth.jones@hotmail.com if you are and I’ll let you know what my idea is.

Lastly, I wanted to thank all my readers and friends for making this past year utterly wonderful despite the emotional turmoil I was determined to experience.  My Internet Boyfriend is incredible, insightful, sweet, honest, and real.  I’ve made some real, honest to goodness friends — a fact that I never imagined would come to pass — and I have grown as a woman and individual more than if I’d been left alone in my vacuum of self-destruction.  I couldn’t be a luckier gal if I tried.  I mean, fuck.  It’s just awesomeness all around.  Thank you thank you thank you.

So, without being too all over the place, I’m going to list the awards and who gave them to me, but I’m not going to follow all the specific rules.  If I have left you off this list, let me know immediately and I’ll fix it and please accept my apologies in advance.

And, because I have all my favorite of favorites already listed on my Dissolutes tab, I’m asking that you  leave me the names of one or two of your favorite bloggers that I don’t have on my list so I can add them to my More Groovy Bloggers List (see that below).  I’m not going to pass these awards on to 5 or 10 or however many other bloggers because it’s already insanely incestuous around here (and I love it!!), but I want to broaden my reading via this exercise and I want you all to benefit from it, too.  Hopefully it works!

It goes without saying to check out all these terrific writers who passed these [dropped] torches on to me, too.

(Goddamn, I’m such a dick.)

Alictmi-award2e, of Story of Alice, nominated me for a TMI Award a thousand months ago.  It’s for sharing too much.  Probably has something to do with that shat story I wrote about forever ago.

Alice is beautiful, sensual, viscerally cerebral and poetry in 1s and 0s.  Her heart is warm and large and her wiles [nearly] legendary.  Thank you, sweet Alice (I’ll be saying that again before this post is through).

sexy-blogger_3887-lH.H., of My Sex Life With Lola, gave me this BILF Award.  Because everyone wants to fuck a blogger, right? My sexiest post is required by this award, but I’ll give you two options.  First, my most popular, non-squirting-related posts have been by far I was once DVP’d and I was fucked by a stranger.  While blindfolded.  And I was watched.  But one of my personal favorites has always been I made love.  I’m sentimental, I guess.

H.H. is the magical male half of the dynamic, sexy duo of H.H. and Lo.  I imagine he wears tweed as much as I imagine she’s decked out in skimpy lace.  His writing is honest and searching and extremely readable.  I always think he’s keeping something from me.  Thanks for thinking of me with this award, honey.

sunshine-blogger-award1LSAM, of Love, Sex and Marriage, passed on this Sunshine Blogger Award back before she started doing the work of 10 women and actually had time to blog!  It’s a blog awarded to those who make others feel warm and shiny.

LSAM’s writing can be at once provocative (click on her erotica) and also educational.  I always feel like I’ve known her forever when in reality I don’t know her at all.  Good thing that doesn’t matter here in Internetland.  I like her lots.  Thanks, LSAM for the blog love!

the-meta-awesomest-blog-awardThis Meta Awesomest Blog Unicorn Award was given to me by a number of peeps: Alice, whom you’ve met, the of late MIA Deviant of Deviant Diaries, sweet, poignant DW of Deviant Wench, and the intoxicatingly interesting Kayla of Sexual Being.  Thank you ladies for the nominations!  I told y’all I was a fucking dick, right??

This award is in response to the flurry of awards that were going around, I think.  It (as I’m sure the others do, too) requires some random trivia.  I’ll list 5:

  1. I’m a Virgo, Leo rising.  Moon sign is also Leo.  Or Pisces depending on which calculator you use.
  2. I like sauces on the side.
  3. My ears are pierced 11 times, but I almost never wear jewelery.
  4. I am an artist.
  5. I am ridiculously shy.

liebsteraddictive-blog-award Liebster and Addictive Awards were given by the tough cookie, Confessions of Your Husband’s Mistress.

COYHM is both haunting and titillating.  She wanted it to be a cautionary tale, but ended up discovering herself instead.  Thank you for thinking of me :)

versatileblogger1The Versatile Blogger Award – given by the indelible, sexy India of Work Spouse Story is pretty self-explanatory, I’d imagine.

India’s writing is a railroad track through a snowy landscape.  You can just make out where it’s going, but you’re not entirely certain of its destination, but you’re excited to see where you’ll end up nonetheless.  Thanks, girl, for passing this on!

very-inspiring-blogger211The Very Inspiring Award was given by the ever-scrumptious and wonderfully honest Heather and Nikki of Vagina Antics.

Their story of how their friendship came to pass is much like that of their sexual journeys: they’re exactly where they need to be today, and their writings are both succinctly raw and wonderfully whimsical.  Many thanks!

fabulous-award2Lastly, the newest of awards to make the circuit is the Fabulous Gutter Blogger Award created by India and her partner in crime, Dave over at Normal Deviations.  India, sweet and self-flagellating Dawn of Pivoine68, the sensually intellectual Fatal of You Linger Like a Haunting Refrain, and  the deeply raw True of Voirdireblog all thought of me when they had the chance of nominating a blogger.  Thank you all!  I’m humbled.

I apologize again for not following all the specific rules, but as you can see I was a Super Dick this time around and let it all pile up.

And for the grand finale, here are some new blogs I’ve discovered — that are not already on my Dissolutes tab == that I think deserve some attention.

More Groovy Blogs List:

I hope you all get a chance to check out some of these bloggers who aren’t as familiar to us as some others (though, I suspect some of these are some of your favs already, too).

Fuck, this post took goddamned forever to write.  I’m sorry for being such a slacker.  In the future, I’ll be more on top of any niceness sent my way.  I’m not an asshole, I swear!

I’ll end this with yet another big, fat THANK YOU, IBF!  Because I really and truly mean it and without you all — as crazy as it sounds — my life would be very different.

Boobs, sex, pseudo-break-ups, real make-ups, giant cock, and a settled heart will be discussed in the coming days, I promise.

xx

Hy

I’m afraid of my secret sex blog being discovered.

That’s me.

Look, here’s the thing: it’s a betrayal. It’s a betrayal of trust of everyone I’ve ever written about, even if all I say is that they shit rainbows and breed unicorns from their beauty and goodness. It’s a secret. And it’s wrong.

This sex blog thing is hard for me. I mean, really, really hard. My best friend on the planet doesn’t know it exists, The Neighbor surely doesn’t, no one. My career would be affected if it were ever connected to me and I’ve read enough horror stories about women whose broadcasted sex lives have destroyed their entire worlds to be appropriately leery. But here I am. Still typing away.

Last night TN and I had another terrific night together, like Wednesday night quality (I’m having a hard time deciding if the good parts of the roller coaster are when you climb up or when you get to fly down the backside). While chatting before attempting to finish Die Hard 3 (suckled breasts and hard-ons interrupted its completion once again) I mentioned a friend of mine who knows about our affair.

“You know, I thought we agreed not to tell anyone about us,” he said, his feet up on my patio table, crossed at the ankles.

“No, I just said I wasn’t telling anyone.”

“And I agreed to that. I’m a little upset that you’re telling everyone all of a sudden.”

You could have knocked me over with a feather. I’d had no idea. And until I realized I was in love with him back whenever that was, the only people who knew were my best friend and all of you. After that night I told two of my best friends from back home and then some colleagues whom I’ve become extremely close with. It’s roughly 6 people. I’d needed real life support to help me through the ordeal. However, the number of people who don’t know about him is far greater; some of the most important people in my life have no idea, people I consider family and this is what I explained to him.

“Wow, I’m really sorry. I had no idea, TN, truly. I’ve only told some of my newer friends; none of my closest friends whom you’ve met. Not R, C, C, J, K, S, L, C, D, A, Downstairs Neighbor,” and then I listed even more people in my life he’s met that are in the dark. “But I promise I won’t tell anyone else. I really didn’t know you felt this way.”

He seemed relieved. “Thanks, Hy. I really appreciate that. And I know you’re mad at me for not telling any of my friends.”

Again, a feather could’ve done serious damage. “No, not at all, I swear,” I concentrated on my face being as open and guileless looking as possible, “I know you wouldn’t tell them anyway and I really have nothing invested in that. It’s ok with me.”

“Really??”

“Yeah, it doesn’t matter to me.” His desire to keep our relationship close to his chest makes sense based on his personality. He’s extremely private, an introvert to the core, and he doesn’t share the most basic information with his “best friends”. I don’t see it as a reflection on me whatsoever, so before anyone wants to berate him for keeping us on the down low, don’t. If we were boyfriend/girlfriend, then yes, by all means skewer him for being shady, but this is a FWB situation gone slightly awry and I don’t go around shouting about those to my friends, either. He has a right to share or not share, as do I, and I’m comfortable zipping my lips from here on out.

And then I teased him about how this was the first time I’ve had to apologize to him about anything, “Yeah, this is the first time you’ve ever fucked up.”

“Yup, pretty much, I’m awesome like that.”

The conversation struck me deeply, though. If he didn’t like our friends knowing, then certainly he would be furious at discovering this blog. I would surely lose him.

On a personal level, discovery would be devastating. There would be no recovering from my dishonesty and betrayal, my sharing of intimate details of my feelings about him and of our sexual exploits, pictures of him. If my ex-husband ever discovered my writing I imagine it cleaving his heart in two to learn of my struggles with our sex life; he doesn’t know. I feel fraudulent at worst, merely shady as fuck on a good day.

I’ve thought about a 30 day TN Cleanse for the blog, but I’m not sure what good that would do. The posts are already up, Google’s archived them, you all already know about him. I’ve said before that I have two dead sex blogs (may they rest in peace) and the big lessons I learned there were to never tell a real life person about them: not a lover, not a friend, no one; and, if you’re not honest, then there’s no point. The lack of anonymity hurt my writing and stole the very reason for having a blog like this in the first place: freedom to be me in all my fucked up glory.

I’ve cultivated that very place here and I feel free to be me and express every little synaptic message, but the new discovery now is the toll: I’m paying in flesh and fear and guilt.

Professionally, if this blog were ever discovered I would take a serious beat down. I would likely recover, maybe even parlay it into something profitable (no, not like some stupid memoir about how my sex blog ruined my life), but the reveal would be humiliating. No one knows I squirt, can’t orgasm through sex, love cock, been double-stuffed. This isn’t exactly board meeting material. I could be shunned by the community or embraced. I’m not entirely sure and not at all desirous of finding out.

Most women lose their jobs, like she did, others are knocked around (I read an article a few years ago about a handful of female sex bloggers who all either lost their jobs or all their friends, but I can’t find it anywhere now). Writing about sex from a personal point of view just isn’t widely accepted. Not even close. Add in the author being female and it’s even less ok, particularly if she’s not writing about the hot missionary sex she’s having with her husband and one only partner of her life.

My point is that though I love writing here, I am still afraid. Afraid of being found out, afraid of hurting TN and my friends, afraid of the repercussions, yet I persist. Writing is in my blood, I can’t not write. After the death of my second sex blog I didn’t write for 2 or 3 months and I was lost, listless, unfocused. Deciding to switch to WP and start up again was by far one of the smartest decisions I’ve made recently; it’s connected me to wonderful, loving, understanding, challenging, sexy people. I’ve found a community of friends and supporters through this medium.

So, while I shake in my boots, I also turn my face up to the sun and spread my arms wide. I may be a target, but I’m a liberated one.