I got a text from @DomSigns at 8 am.

[8/10/15, 8:02:46 AM] mm: any reason you published a post with just the letter P?


Sure enough, this post, with just “P” in the subject line had been sent out.

[8/10/15, 8:05:07 AM] Hyacinth Jones: oh jeez
[8/10/15, 8:05:08 AM] Hyacinth Jones: lol
[8/10/15, 8:05:11 AM] Hyacinth Jones: a butt post?

[8/10/15, 8:05:40 AM] mm: well that is impressive if true ;-)

[8/10/15, 8:05:52 AM] Hyacinth Jones: lol
[8/10/15, 8:05:53 AM] Hyacinth Jones: totally true
[8/10/15, 8:06:30 AM] Hyacinth Jones: i took my phone with me to take the dog out and had it tucked in my bra (i use it as a pedometer).  when i pulled it out i noticed something funny, but i hit “cancel” and thought that was it.
[8/10/15, 8:06:33 AM] Hyacinth Jones: guess not!
[8/10/15, 8:07:01 AM] Hyacinth Jones: hahaha looking at it now

[8/10/15, 8:07:05 AM] mm: so it was a Bust post and not a butt post… even more impressive ;-)

I sent him a pic I’d taken right before leaving the house of the bra that somehow magically created a post.  Or maybe it was my magical tits.  So don’t worry, I didn’t have a seizure, get abducted by aliens, or attempt to call out for help with just a “P”.

Hy's magic bra
There’s voodoo in there!

Happy Monday, y’all!



Phishing doesn’t work on pseudonyms for anonymous sex bloggers.

I admit that phishing practices have gotten very good over the years, but it’s a fatal flaw to email a fake persona.

To my knowledge, Hyacinth does not have relatives in Namibia or Alabama, nor does she have an ailing Aunt somewhere; she doesn’t register as Hyacinth Jones on things like PayPal or Target, so those emails shouldn’t start out with a greeting to her, and she most emphatically does not have AAA coverage.

There was one very shady link I was supposed to put in my browser. Yeah, right!

Nice try, suckers!!

Though I’m sure that if she did indeed drive a car she’d be very responsible and insure it with AAA.

My belly still hates me, but at least my tits are huge or More musings on the Introvert-Extrovert exchange.

I woke up alone today.  That wasn’t the original plan, but the stresses of the week took their toll on The Introvert – er, I mean – The Neighbor and he sweetly begged off.  “I need my Fortress of Solitude,” he explained as we ate the dinner he’d brought over for us.

“I wholly support your need to recharge,” I told him, “But know that while you’re getting what you need tonight, I’m going to need to get filled up, too.”

“What?  This isn’t enough?  I’ve already been here for 20 minutes and plan on staying for a little while.”

This has always been a challenge for us: my need for connection and closeness, face-to-face time and activities and his exact opposite need for alone time.  It does not compute with him that an hour and some change is not at all what I’m looking for.  While appreciated, my heart needs deliberate, concentrated attention for longer periods of time.   If only I were more like him… but I digress.

I explained my thoughts to him and he nodded as if he understood and we made plans to hang out tonight with Peyton at his place: unpacking, pizza, a movie.

I stretched and fondled the kitty, thought of fondling my other kitty, but then felt ill and my hope was dashed.  I was frustrated, a little lonely, still sick.  I stood up and my breasts pulled at my chest, much heavier than usual.  I walked into the bathroom and they pulled against the fabric of my tee making three folds.  For photographic evidence, I snapped some pics and instantly felt better.

Hy's big boobies
It’s not just me, right??

I decided to stop by for an unplanned cuddle with TN on my way out.  When I called to wake him up to unlock the door I could tell he’d been deeply asleep.  “Hullo?” he mumbled.

“Good morning!” I beamed, ever the morning person.  “I’d like to come over for a cuddle.  Unlock your door.”

“Mmmkay,” he murmured.  We hung up.

Ten minutes later I passed by his boxes and strangely placed furniture to find him beneath the cotton ball clouds of his comforter.  I quietly slipped in next to him and stroked his warm milky skin.  He purred a little, grumbled and stretched, pulled me closer and seemed to doze. I lay there thinking how small a gesture as that — pulling me closer — made my heart cease her constant twisting.  It felt so fucking good.

I let my hand fall beneath the covers and follow the contours of his muscles until I found his hot, half asleep cock. I squeezed it gently and it came to life.

The pillow covering half his face couldn’t hide his little smile.  Despite my temperamental belly I couldn’t resist falling on it with my mouth.  Nothing spectacular happened other than I loved on something I love a lot and he got to feel my soft, wet, expert mouth on him.  No fireworks, but I was ok with it.  It’s the act, the journey, not always the destination, right?

It was time for me to go and I stopped my slurping and lay on his chest again.  When I tried to leave he snatched at my hand and wouldn’t let me go.  My heart melted a little more.  It felt so, so good.  I thought, Maybe I need to catch him in the mornings more often.

Hours later I took a nap to gear up for tonight’s festivities.  Lust laced through my dreams as Dream TN lay on my couch with a massive erection, ready and waiting for me.  I tried to reach him, but couldn’t.  He begged me to come to him, but still, I couldn’t.  I broke through a dream in my dream and felt such relief that finally, I could go to him, but alas, another foggy wall lay between us, but this time I could feel his hands on me, the pull of my sex as my body reacted to him.  Maybe he even got a chance to slip into me, I don’t know, because I woke up for the second time, this time into reality.

The nap had done its job: I felt ok!  I thought about the missed opportunity of last night, of that missed connection, of his dreamy giant cock inside of me and decided to send a quick text.


Him: K

I laughed and thought, We’ll see.  The Universe has been conspiring against us for weeks now it seems, this week in particular.  I also thought, Men are robots. Cute robots, though.

Cross your fingers for me tonight that my dreams really do come true.



[Ed. Note: I have the most beautiful picture of TN naked and milky white wrapped up in his bedding all ready to share.  He approved of it this morning, but when it came down to the final approval he balked and said it showed too much of him.  I found that confusing considering some of the images I’ve shared for TNT, but of course agreed to not share it.  A man’s prerogative, right?]




My life is forever changed.


Because I made this happen.


Go here to get the app if you’re so inclined to bedazzle your sexts like me!

I love search engine terms.


I should really keep up with these better. I remember once I got a couple of of hits for “ghost penis.”


Anyway, lets do line items.  That’s always fun before 10 am!:

  1. Yes, he fucked me. More than once, actually.
  2. I’m particularly proud of this one: 49ers tits.  What exactly was this searcher hoping to find, anyway?  I Googled it and couldn’t find a damn thing that led them to me.  I think they were looking for something like this, though.
  3. I never knew how many folks would be interested in house boy stories.  Apparently, there are a bunch.
  4. Yes, dear, it’s always ok.  Let him kiss your little pussy till the cows come home!
  5. Have fun and be sure to read my How To Fuck Your Neighbor!  Or do you mean it in a derogatory way, like, “Fuck my shitty ass neighbor!”?  Because if that’s the case, then I def can’t help you.
  6. Your bare pussy what?  Does it itch?  Do you like it?
  7. two men fuck each other:  These weird statement searches confuse me. Plus, there are, like, a gabillion gay porn sites with those words in the title.  How on earth did this searcher find my secret sex blog??
  8. how he fucking me hard: I guess even folks whose first language isn’t English deserve some hot erotica/porn, right?
  9. And lastly, my favorite one of the day: i love cock more than i love life. How Google sent them to me is a little bit of a head-scratcher, though.  I mean, I do love cock, but more than my life??  Probably not. I like to think I’m a little more well-rounded than that.

I always love these kinds of posts.  What are some recent and/or memorable searches you’ve gotten?

I survived a small town and lived to tell about it.

If it weren’t for The Neighbor and his shenanigans a year and a half ago I never would have met Marian Green (or Noodle, as I like to call her). It was the night that TN brought home a date when he had told me he couldn’t come over because he had to work late. It was an awful, awful night, really, and I reached out to the faceless, voiceless internet friends I call my Internet Boyfriend for help.

LSAM (or now Caitlyn) and Noodle both rushed in via email, saying sweet and soothing things that friends say.

I paced around my apartment chain-smoking and checking my email when I read this note from Noodle:

So apparently I’m way more empathetic that I ever imagined because I’m giving you my number. Don’t feel obligated to use it. But if words on a screen aren’t enough and you need an actual ear… here ya go. xxx-xxx-xxxx.

It took a little while before I decided to take her up on it — I’d never broken the wall of anonymity via a phone call before — but when I did I was immediately pulled into a warm embrace of a friend.  And that was it: we were fast friends.

Since then she’s come to Hyville to visit twice (read about it here and here) and I’ve seen her in a restaurant in the big city near Noodleland once, but I’d never been to her sleepy little town before last weekend and it was, well, pretty fucking fabulous in an am-I-in-a-different-universe?? sorta way.

The short version is this: Noodle was right.  The men in her town are vastly more “friendly” than the ones in mine.

The long version of the story goes like this:

My drive to her house was almost double what it should have been and my ass ached and my back throbbed as I pulled up to her pretty brick house. I parked, giddy with excitement, yet irritable, and let myself in knowing she had just gotten out of the shower.

She rushed to meet me wrapped in a fuzzy white robe and I bent down to hug her. All my irritation and agony evaporated as we held each other at arm’s length beaming big smiles then pulled each other close again.  I loved seeing her again.

Her hair was long, wet, and curly and she smelled warm and clean as she showed me around her abode and headed back to her bathroom to finish getting ready.

“I thought we’d grill first and chill here, let you rest, then we can go to the bar I always write about.”

“Sounds good to me,” I said as she peeled off her robe and let her giant breasts spill out. I smiled to myself thinking how many of you would pay good money to see what I was seeing.

photo 1(1)

She finished getting dressed and we popped open a bottle of champagne. We used her grandmother’s glasses — I suspect because I always do with her when she’s with me — and toasted to our visit and the adventures we might have.

The night fell gently upon her sleepy little town and we drove along endless ribbons of country road to get to the nearest grocery store where the bagger insisted on helping us with our things to Noodle’s convertible. In my city, the baggers stare with dead eyes as they fill your bags, bored and painfully cool.

Back at her house we grilled shrimp and I managed not to fuck up a box of Zatarain rice. I sat at her dining room table in the middle of her beautiful, grown-up home, thinking I was living in the pages of a book. Here I was hundreds of miles away from home in Noodle’s house. Contemporary, a little country-living. Where my home is bohemian and eclectic, hers is luxurious and warm.

We finished dinner and freshened up for drinks. She pinned up my hair and made it extra fluffy because, I guess, country men like big hair and Noodle was out to prove to me that men in her town were far more friendly than those in mine. I warned her not to get her hopes up, that “Men seriously don’t talk to me. Ever,” but she snorted and told me we’d see who was right.

I was in a black, V-neck dress and wedge sandals (what I wore on the ride to her house) and Noodle donned a black V-neck T-shirt and skinny jeans. We were casual, relaxed, two old friends with a shared secret: we blog about sex and no one else knows.  Totally normal.

“You ready, Hy?” she asked as we jumped into her car.

“As I’ll ever be!” I answered and lit up a cigarette.

The Bar, as I’ll call it, was in a little strip mall. Cars with big wheels and jacked-up trucks littered the parking lot. The big door guy carded us and I wondered if his ass ever got sore just sitting there for hours.

We picked a spot as far away from the karaoke stage as possible and ordered our drinks. A whiskey and diet for Noodle and a white wine for me. The bartender wasn’t even sure if they had any wine, but she returned with what was probably weeks-old Chardonnay. I didn’t care.

I scanned the room and there was a tall, Latin-looking fellow a few bar stools down from me. He tried to make eye contact, but I wasn’t interested. I turned to Noodle instead and we chatted away as she periodically checked her phone. “Lover is going to come,” she said suddenly.

“Lover, Lover?? The one you’ve written about??” I exclaimed.

“Yes! God,” she laughed, “I haven’t seen him in forever! Well, this’ll be fun, won’t it!”

    My glass of wine that seconded as a giant spotlight.
My glass of wine that seconded as a giant spotlight.

A baseball game flickered on a TV over the bar and a talented black man killed it on stage song after song as our conversation flowed and our laughter came easily. Finally Lover showed up.

An average sized man with a bushy beard, a flashing smile and a baseball cap, he hugged Noodle hello, sizing her up with appreciative eyes. He nodded me a hello of my own and I saw immediately how he wiggled his way into Noodle’s pants. He looked like a good time on two legs.

The three of us got on like gangbusters until I noticed Noodle motioning to someone to join us. I turned to my right and the Latin-looking fellow had sidled up to me. “Hi,” he said grinning down at me and presumably at my cleavage, too. “I’m Tony.”

I said hello and resigned myself to Noodle winning our argument that men would talk to me if I weren’t in my shitty big city.  Too bad Tony was a douchebag.

He had a big smile, but no charm. He couldn’t understand why I didn’t like his scary skull tattoo with the American flag bandana. “But it has a flag!” he pouted.

I told him scary shit didn’t impress me. Lover intervened and decided to share his tattoo with us then: a simple outline of a state with the head of a Mallard duck in the middle. It was atrocious.

We laughed our asses off at his pained expression. “Hey! I was doing an ex-girlfriend a favor!” he protested laughing, feigning hurt feelings.

“Was she drunk??” I asked choking on giggles.

“Well, sorta. She was all doped up on meth,” he answered with a lopsided grin.

We all burst into laughter and Tony thought this was his moment and closed in for body contact. I moved away subtly, not interested, but he followed. I pushed him back. “What? No love for me?” he asked.

“Nope, not tonight,” was all I said.  I thought of The Neighbor and how true it was.

Tony was undeterred, however.  He tried again later after Lover lifted one of Noodle’s heavy breasts and said something about loving big tits. She laughed and swatted his hand away. So Tony reached around and also lifted one of hers, then lifted mine, but I remained motionless. His hand dropped and smile faded from his face as I looked at him implacably. That hadn’t just happened.

The four of us stayed there on our little corner of the bar for another drink and I got teased some more for my wine. It seemed no one could believe it: a woman drinks wine in a bar! I laughed at how much I stuck out without even trying.

Though I was having fun with my Noodle and her Lover boy, Tony continued to bend my ear and wedge his way into our conversation. I was getting tired of him, like a day-old rash.

Then, while outside talking with more friendly strangers, Tony pissed me off with some misogynistic, racist, foul-mouthed bullshit. I blithely got up and walked away from him saying, “That’s it. I’m fucking done.” I heard a woman at our table say, “You go, sister!”

Back safe and sound with Noodle and Lover I told them what had happened with Tony.  It was then this small-town bar transformed into a fighting ring.  The giant, $10 and hour bouncer dashed to a mass of people throwing punches.  Women screamed, men roared, the music stopped, blood spilled.  It was pretty much the perfect fucking country bar experience, in this city girl’s opinion. It was goddamned amazing.

However, Noodle and I decided to hightail it out of there anyway.

She was mortified, I was fascinated.  [Later, we’d find out that her favorite little bar had earned a new, more sinister reputation since she’d been there last nearly a year ago.]

Our night was off to an auspicious start!

As the police and EMS vehicles sped to a stop with lights flashing in the parking lot Noodle, Lover and I made plans for our next stop. “Let’s go to the Country Bar,” suggested Noodle, her curls twitching in the evening breeze. Lover and his big beard agreed to meet us there and we hopped back into the convertible.

photo 1
It’s dark out there.

The yellow center lines the only trail to follow, we swept through the darkened countryside in her speedy car recapping our exciting night thus far: Tony the disgusting, grabby fellow, Lover and his ridiculous tattoo, the bar fight.

“I totally feel like I’m on Mars right now or something!” I shouted into the wind.

“I told you the men here were more friendly! I told you you’d get hit on!” she shouted back triumphantly. “It’s kinda cool, right?”

I smiled.  It kinda was.  Douchebag or not, it’d been a long time since a man had paid me any kind of attention like that.

We pulled into a tree-covered gravel parking lot not long after. The bar looked like it’d been plucked from the bayou with grey, worn planks and sagging eaves. As the crunch of gravel under the tires ceased and she cut the engine we heard a woman’s voice shouting, “Fuck you fucking shit bag! Get your fucking ass over here NOW or I’ll come fucking kick your goddamned teeth in!” or some such nonsense.

Noodle and I froze and looked at each other, then looked back out into the darkness to find the source of the vitriol. We couldn’t see the woman, but knew she was near the entrance. “What do we do??” I asked. “This is fucking nuts! She seems freakin’ homicidal!”

“I know!” answered Noodle, “She does! I dunno! Maybe we should wait a minute.”

We sat there giggling nervously as this woman spewed drunken hate like vomit.  The crickets never had a chance.

Finally we decided we’d just have to rush past her as she yelled incoherently about “some blonde bitch.”

We kept our eyes to the ground as we, two of the blondest of the blondes, sneaked out of the car and hustled past the raging, volcanic woman. I walked in first, out of breath and laughing, Noodle followed behind.  We’d made it!

A quick scan of the place and I found the bar ahead of me a couple of steps up, adjacent to a little dance floor where a couple or two were dancing to some country song.  They looked a little bored.

As I got about two feet to the bar a tall, older gentleman walked up to me and without a word picked up my hands and twirled me off to the dance floor. My purse hung heavily on my shoulder as I looked up at his grizzly face, his eyes were closed and a little smile sat on his mouth.

I could hear Noodle laughing at me as I danced with this new Martian.

I let him take me for a couple of passes then begged off, asked for another glass of wine from yet another bartender who wasn’t sure if they had any and then spied two chairs side-by-side next to some pool tables.

“Let’s go sit there,” I suggested, “and we can watch some pool.”

We made our way through the plumes of smoke and sat down and approximately 1.5 seconds later, 4 men were standing over us asking us our names and, naturally, making fun of my wine: Austin, Rick, Shawn, and Some Dude.

Shawn decided I was his immediately and was forceful and sloppy; he wore a paunch under his unbuttoned plaid shirt. Rick was quiet, big and brawny, with the looks of an MMA fighter. Austin was baby-faced and all over Noodle from Hello.  Some Dude was just some dude.

My head spun as a deluge of compliments spilled over us and I barely had a moment to look at Noodle I was so busy bantering and deflecting, blinking curiously at this strange event. I’ve never not flirted so much in my life.

Another glass of wine was placed in my hand by someone and I felt small with my back against the wall surrounded by giant oak men. Noodle parried like a pro to my left and I tried to emulate her casualness, her quick-wittedness.

At midnight the music switched off and Lover, who’d made a short appearance, disappeared into the night. “Where do you ladies want to go next?” asked the oak men.

Noodle and I looked at each other as if to say, “The night is still young!” The locals picked the Third Bar and we headed back out to the car. Volcano Lady was gone, passed out somewhere in a ditch, I presumed, angrily twitching in her sleep.

Shawn groped me stupidly now that we were outside and I calmly removed his hand from my person. My ire rose as I envisioned a gang-rape beneath the pecan trees.  “Well, officer, her tits were hanging out and she was drinkin’ wine!” they’d say.

He tried to ride with us, but I told him No and reached for Rick, who felt safe, instead. Shawn moaned his dismay and Austin grabbed him and directed him to an SUV parked next to us.

Rick sat without complaint in the tiny backseat, his 6’4″ heft wedged in like a clown, his knees splayed wide to make room. We zoomed down more slips of country road and pulled into our last stop for the night. Here, the other oak men met us upon arrival like a hungry pack of wolves and the bartender unapologetically had no wine for me this time. I ordered a vodka soda and looked out over the crowds.

photo 2(1)
Disco ball.

The dance floor lit up like a rave and country music pumped out of the mouths of a band, smoke hung like a blanket over us all. It was definitely Mars.

Before we sat down, Rick pressed his body against mine and fondled my bottom. “Mmm,” he said into my ear. “Are you wearing any panties??”

I moved away from his hand, not at all wanting it on me and said pertly, “Yes! Of course I am!” and walked away to the nearest table. I played it off as coy, but that’s the game: hide your anger, be nice, give a second chance. You don’t want to make a scene, after all.

Shawn snagged a chair to my left, Noodle to my right, and Rick floated around while Austin looked at home to Noodle’s right. We talked and I watched the country folks do their country things. Partners twirled on the dance floor with the occasional bump and grind and people hugged and laughed all around us.

Next to me, Shawn crept closer. His questions became more probing, strange. All of his attention was laser-beamed onto me, like a drunken homing device. I began to feel closed in.

Abruptly, I stood up and told Noodle I was going to the restroom. She said she’d come with me.

Alone and away from the horny oak men I told her Shawn was getting dangerously close to over the line with me. She said she could tell and we planned for the two of us to switch places to put some distance between me and Shawn, but I forgot the second I walked back out into the flashing lights and loud music. Country Bar Amnesia, you could call it.

Back within arm’s reach of Shawn he turned up the volume on what I can only assume he thought was wooing. He begged and pleaded with me to dance with him to which I resolutely refused. He asked me endless questions to which I wouldn’t answer. And he kept trying to hold my hand. Then Rick sat between us and I felt better… for about 10 seconds.

How’s that saying go? Out of the fire and into the frying pan?

I felt Rick’s heavy hand on my thigh slide up to my crotch. I sat motionless, not acknowledging the grope. A new man claiming me for his own in front of his drunken friend who’d also “claimed” me. What the ever-loving fuck? In these situations, I’ve learned to play possum. It’s also part of the game.

When I didn’t respond to Rick’s advance, he got up and went somewhere else.

I nervously chewed on my little finger then, not sure what to do with myself. “Don’t you bite your nails!” Shawn suddenly yelled at me.

“What??” I asked, confused.

“I said, ‘Don’t you bite your nails!'” and he tried to swipe my hand away from my mouth.

And that was it for me.

I stood up and grabbed my purse off the back of my chair, leaned down and told Noodle I was done and would wait for her at the car. I wasn’t thinking that she’d follow me, though, of course she would, I just couldn’t breathe under the weight of the attention.

I felt like a piece of meat on a slab in front of a crew of starving men. Nothing I said or did seemed to matter to them, just the fact I was a woman was enough and it overwhelmed me. It scared me.  Yes, me, the sex pot who writes about all her conquests got creeped out.  It happens.

Noodle met me at the car and this time I apologized to her for running off like that. She assured me it was ok.

Back in the car headed home I couldn’t help but laugh. It was incredible, the amount of attention I’d gotten. Noodle wasn’t joking when she said the men in her town were friendly! But me?? Little old me?? I’m used to feeling like nothing special in my big city; being invisible and ignored are what I know.

“I promised you quantity, not quality!” she laughed riotously.

“Well, that much is true!” I laughed back shaking my head. “Jesus fucking Christ… that was intense!”

We walked tiredly into her kitchen and she grabbed another bottle of wine and whipped up a cheese plate.  We sunk gratefully into the soft cushions of her couch. Her phone buzzed and she said Austin was down to meet up with her soon. “Good for you!” I said sipping some fresh and delicious red wine.

Then my phone chimed. “Who’s this??” I asked Noodle when I saw her area code.

“Oh, Rick wanted your number. I hope you don’t mind!” she giggled mischievously.

I read his message, something to the extent of “Sorry for my drunk and stupid friend.” I didn’t bother to text him back. He might as well have been talking about himself. He just wasn’t as scary or weird.

In the morning I awoke with a giant, ratted bouffant in a beautiful guest room. I was happy and tired, having slept later than I had in years thanks to the black sheers in my room.

I headed to the kitchen where fresh coffee and pastries awaited me and Noodle swayed around her kitchen in a light green cotton nightgown. “Morning!” she said to me smiling. “Let’s go out on the porch.”

I followed her outside and sat on a large, soft wicker couch; a quiet field stretched out to a two-lane road and round bales of hay rested patiently in the green grass. I thought of The Neighbor then. “My dad used to tell me those bales of hay were Shredded Wheat for buffalo,” he’d told me once while driving to a softball game.

I smiled, missing him a little and sipped on my coffee beside my friend Noodle who was also looking out at the pasture behind her little house, her coffee cup cradled in her lap. What a different world just a few hours away, I thought.

photo 2
Pic #1: is this me or Noodle?
photo 1(2)
Pic #2: Hy or Noodle?

We dressed for the day and sped through what I’d call back roads, but are really the main threads of a country web. We got manis and pedis from small, black-haired women who clipped, rubbed, and painted us within an inch of our lives. We drank rosé and closed our eyes and giggled at the decadence. And then we topped it off with brunch at a little farm-to-table place with jars of orange marmalade on the table.

It was easy to be with Noodle, my sweet friend with a secret like me.

On our way back home the sky crowded together in dark, angry clouds and we raced its release home. We parked and quickly ran inside just as the sky opened up and rained down on the warm, sleepy little town. Trees and bushes thrashed, the ground drank and drank.

We made another cup of coffee and sat on her couch, prepared to wait out the storm inside, but I had to leave soon. It’d been a magical 24 hours with my Noodle, but I had a birthday party to attend for a bestie back in Hyville. Life is filled with stolen moments with secret blogging friends, no?

When it was time to go we hugged and promised to make another visit happen soon. She wanted me to come back with TN next time. I told her I’d do what I could, but not to hold her breath.

The skies were taking a breather when I jumped back into my car and pointed its nose towards home. I waved goodbye to Noodle as I pulled out and drove off. Later, a rainbow arced in the east.

I drove through the rain for hours and finally got home. I texted TN I’d made it back and as I wearily climbed the last few steps to my front door he came out of his apartment holding two glasses of wine.

He turned and smiled at me, shirtless and handsome, a twinkle in his eye.

In minutes I was on my back, screaming his name, his giant cock buried deep in my cunt and all the country boys washed away like the endless rain drops I’d driven through to get here.

I was happy to be home.

I send love notes.

underboob, sexy, panties, see-through top
Love notes 1, 2, and 3.

“You look so hot right now,” he said looking down at me from between my calves.  “You’re like a little sex package.”

His cock, buried deep inside of me twitched and then he pushed in deeper.  I gasped and fluttered my eyes up at him.  “I feel more like a sex pretzel,” I replied and pushed back against him from my grip on the headboard.

I couldn’t move.  My ankles rested on his shoulders and his weight pinned my thighs to my breasts which tried to escape over my shoulders.  I was folded in swells of my own flesh and pinned by the muscular density of a man on top of me.

I was in heaven.


He came home a couple of hours early Sunday and surprised me by waltzing into my apartment unannounced.  My bed was stripped and under a pile of laundry.  I wasn’t prepared to see him, but my heart jumped when he filled the doorway.

I went to give him a hug, but he suddenly dropped to the floor, looking around under my bed.  “Where’s the kitten?” he asked.  I stood there with my mouth a little open.

My breasts were heavy and free under my white t-shirt and my little pajama shorts clung to my thighs, but there he was.  On the floor.  Looking for the kitten I’d gotten the day he’d left.  Never underestimate a man’s priorities and brain, I told myself.

Mirthful, I smiled.  “Hey!  Come give me a hug!”  There was a gentle reprimand in my voice  — you pay attention to the woman first, not the cat — and I still wobbled on the beam of our relationship happiness.

We hugged and caught up then, a little stilted at first.  He told me of his adventures and I of mine; he apologized for not being in touch, but he thought I knew he had no cell reception.  Quickly, I unzipped the stifling suit of resentment I’d been wearing, butt hurt at the lack of weekend communication, and stepped out into a light breeze of acceptance.  We lay on one another and laughed and touched and sniffed lightly, like two long-separated and friendly dogs now.

He left soon after, exhausted.  He thanked me for the cookies I’d left on his doorstep and gave me a kiss.

Late last night he returned, his hair rumpled from an early-evening nap.  My bed was made, the house spotless this time.  I was in bed watching Mad Men, Peyton slept soundly in the room across the hall, and a candle flickered messily in the corner.  The kitten purred and zipped around at his arrival like an ill-working moped.

The Neighbor is like a magic trick for my day.  He enters a room and my spirits lift, my heart pounds, the birds sing.  Even when I am confused or angry his presence tilts my view from the trash on the ground to the light filtering through the treetops.  Sometimes my fear of losing him and us closes in on me and I have to beat it off with a stick, other times I feel serene at the prospect of setting us both free.  But he was there in my room last night, determined to be with me despite his exhaustion and my heart swelled, and I didn’t think of anything except welcoming him in.

He walked around to his side of the bed and I went and tucked the kitten up under my arm and joined him in the bed.  The kitten, Faisal, was geeked up on the drug that is kittenhood and sped off.  TN took the lack of feline distraction as an opportunity to latch onto my breast with his face.

It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I hadn’t been touched in 5 days.  I’d forgotten myself.  His absence was so gentle, so quiet.  My time was wholly my own and in my own presence, I forgot my own pleasure.  No child, no pseudo-boyfriend to keep me occupied.  I could have spent the entire weekend with my hand lashed to my cunt and the idea never crossed my mind.  Is Hyacinth horny when no man is around to fuck her?  What a thought…

I closed my eyes and reveled in the sandpaper scratch of his face on my skin and pressed into his mouth.  We tangled and grabbed, gripped and rubbed.  Faisal was taken to his room so there would be no stalking of swinging balls.

When TN slid into me I felt like I was myself again: Hyacinth, fuckable, sensuous, wanted, devoured.  When he is in me I feel like I am home.

His grunts were as loud as the squelching of my pussy, his words demanding and unapologetic.  He pinned me down and pounded into me and my g-spot blossomed big and hard and I concentrated on spiraling it out to my fingertips.

I panted and rolled my eyes into the back of my head and he sat up and folded my legs against my chest and pistoned into me like a jack hammer.  I cried out into my arm so as not to awaken my baby.

Soon, he stopped and drooped a little.  “I hurt everywhere!” he cried with a laugh and rolled off and took me with him into his arms.  His first attempt at snowboarding officially thwarted our usual sexual antics.

I smiled into his skin  and retrieved the kitten.  He purred and played with us until we settled down to watch Game of Thrones at which point he decided to attack a tinkling feather on the floor.

I felt two strong emotions laying there in his arms.  Never one to be truly content for long periods of time, my brow furrowed in the darkness as I tried to put my finger on it, this strange sense of unease.  Nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.  Quite the opposite, actually.  I was wrapped in his arms and watching — we now suddenly realized — a Spanish version of episode 3 with Portuguese subtitles.  It was hilarious and conventional, all the puppies and rainbows any self-respecting unicorn could shat out.  But my nerves continued to be on edge, scratching at me.

I live in this space of uncertainty.  I realize I yearn for what’s on the other side, yet thrive in the workspace before it.  I constantly have to remind myself that nothing is in my control, I will survive heartache, -break, -demolition.  I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again.

This is how I talk myself down from the ledge of permanence and of needing “answers.”  The “Do you love me?”s, “What are we doing?”s, and “Am I your girlfriend?”s.   I remind myself of my current happiness and how I am merely a sensitive observer of my own life; a willing participant, but nonetheless powerless to bend others to my will.  And I relax a little knowing that I’m living my life the best way I know how.

And, ultimately, what I find most reassuring about his return — above and beyond his beautiful boyish face, his magnificent cock and his big, fat brain — is that I can send him titty pics again.  That was the worst part of the 4 day separation.  I couldn’t send him my uniquely Hyacinth love notes: my boobs, my body, and my smile.

His penis is lemon-y.

I was trying to be cute and flirty by sending him a pic of his beautifully massive erection this morning.

He came over last night after Peyton was in bed to show me a sunburn, but ended up revealing my black lace panties beneath his shorts instead — and a boner to end all boners.

So, I snapped pics of his delicious bubble butt, our legs tangled, my hand on his ass, a rear view shot with his dangling nut sack falling out of the lace basket, and some with the cock itself bursting out of the top of the lace towards the camera lens. It was one of those I sent.

But autocorrect decided to reveal how dorky — and unsexy — I really am.

:: sigh ::


Tits and giggles.

I have only two things for this auspicious, stupid “holiday.”


And nekkid:

That is all.

Oh, and I’ll be spanking The Neighbor later tonight. Hopefully as I watch the video he made of himself jerking off on my bed while I was in San Fran. It’s the little things that say he cares.


I found “beard lube.”

I took The Neighbor to the mall today to buy him a winter coat – he leaves tomorrow for 4 days with his family in the chilly Midwest.

Two hundred and fifty dollars later, and a large dose of Dashing Young Man In Peacoat, I found myself at the check out counter standing next to a small display.

Of beard lube.

Yep, behold, fellow kinksters, gutter bloggers, and basic, run of the mill perverts!! BEARD LUBE with jojoba and eucalyptus!

Here’s TN being a good hand model. I bet his beard felt more turned on just knowing it was there:


How did this leave the boardroom??

Also, we exchange Christmas gifts tonight. Half of mine, he says is his cock. The other half was expensive, apparently. A couple hundred dollars. I actually think he’s pulling my leg, but we’ll see.

I’ll just read my book braless and in panties and a T-shirt, sip wine, occasionally wrap presents and play with myself, and drift along these lovely, lazy Saturday notes while I wait for 8 o’clock.