Sometimes I love autocorrect.

I think most of us have a love-hate relationship with autocorrect — lots of “ducks” and “ducking” in my world, according to Apple — but every once in a while I think it’s pretty neat. And it got me Noodle’s boobies. Woot!

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I get help from my friends.

I’m going to go out by myself later and I asked for advice from one I trust implicitly.  I have this feeling that 4 am girl is coming over tonight to stay with The Neighbor (he’s been over at her place four nights in a row; it makes sense she’d come tonight).  And I want to be scarce.  SCARCE.  Or just so drunk I don’t give a fuck.

The texting took a turn for the worse. All my fault, naturally.

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My pussy is from outer space.

I was just pecking out a comment somewhere in the WP ether on my iPhone when autocorrect inadvertently made my morning.

I was trying to say something about my vulva (naturally), but accidentally typed V-U-L-C and guess what happened??

My sweet little plump lips suddenly turned into an unemotional, logical, pointy-eared being. That’s right: VULCAN.

I may never think of my pussy the same way again.

This is even better than the awful fuck/duck autocorrect swap!!

(And then I took this pic and sent it to three different men.)

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I accidentally take screen shots.

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What current day courting looks like.

I didn’t mean to catch this exchange, but my phone was locking up on me and I was pushing buttons like a ding dong – like that’d help. When I went to send some pics I found it in my library.

And ignore all our typos. We’re actually quite careful texters normally, I swear!