I found Two More Dissolutes – May edition

I’m enjoying this thing N. Likes and I are doing; it’s forcing me to peek my head out of my hole.

Hy’s Pick:

Pyx Syncopation

Hy’s Thoughts:

This month, I’d like to draw your attention to Pyx Syncopation.  She’s not a complete stranger around these parts as I know many of you are her friends, but she’s kinda new to me and that’s the point of this whole thing.

Pyx is introspective about her actions, where she came from, and she leads a very sexual life (husband, boyfriend, plus dates) which she categorizes as a high priority in her life.  When I read her, I find myself nodding and hmm’ing and thinking, “I’d like a drink with this woman!”  I also get turned on, something which rarely happens to me from personal sex blogs.  Ironic, right?

In fact, as I was researching this month’s pick, I found myself embarrassingly turned on with my baby in the other room watching Scooby Doo.  If The Neighbor were here with us, I might give him a quick blowjob or have him stick it in for a quick orgasm, but when I’m on my own… well, I just feel pervy and teased.

Anyway, she did it to me, her writing.  Her frank appraisal of her motivations, her frustrations, her descriptive, yet casual prose.

The piece I’m thinking of  in particular was this one, Sexual Habitual II, written just three days ago.  Her husband knows everything she needs and wants and does it in this vignette, wordlessly, like a symbiotic dance partner.  And it turned me the fuck on.

N.’s thoughts:

Ooh, yeah. This is a good blog. A smart person, writing smartly, about sex and relationships and stuff. Yay! Thank you, Hy!

Like Hy, I rarely get turned on reading personal sex blogs. In fact, I rarely read personal sex blogs. They really don’t do much for me. But this is much more than just a 21st century version of an annotated notched bedpost. I like!

N. Likes’ Pick:

Tits and Sass

This month, I call your attention to this blog. The blog is a group blog run by sex workers, mostly in the U.S., but internationally as well. I discovered the blog, I suspect, following a trail from Maggie McNeill’s “The Honest Courtesan,” a blog that is overwhelmingly good, and that I’ve written about many times before – and that I list in my blogroll off to the side over there —->.

Tits and Sass is widely varied – because it’s a group blog, it features all sorts of stuff, ranging from Stoya’s writing trenchantly about SNL’s poor parodies of porn stars to a “cam girl” writing about the experience of “Downsizing My Rack.” I’m finding lots to read on the blog, and lots that’s interesting.

There’s lots to choose from on the blog, but my pick for “Two More Dissolutes” this month is “Loving Don Draper: Economics and Intimacy in an Abolitionist World.” Because, you know, I love Mad Men, am fascinated with the Don Draper character, and I like sex, and have enjoyed consuming the services of sex workers, even if it was, for me, mostly in a deeply unhappy context that I did so.

Read the post. It’s a bit academic (it has ten footnotes). But it’s very thought-provoking and informative. It’s sort of the opposite of last month’s link. It delves deep, both emotionally and theoretically, into just how and why sex work can be complicated, in a way that is honest and raw, and at the same time, disciplined and thoughtful.

I wish to god there were more writing like this from johns, from the consumers of the services of sex workers. Sadly, though, the province of writing and thinking about the meaning and consequences of the commodification of sex, and the business of selling sex, is limited almost exclusively to women. (If anyone knows any interesting writing by men on the subject, please, please point me in that direction. I’m hungry for it.)

Hy’s thoughts:

I’m always fascinated by sex workers and their experiences.  Whenever I had no money, I used men and my body for nice dinners and without shame or guile.  I’m pretty sure we all knew what was up — it’s the economics of dating — but I was never able to make the jump to actual sex work.  I was simply too afraid of being caught by the police.  (I get nervous when a mall cop passes me.)

This piece N. chose is particularly interesting to me because of its peek into the emotional management side of sex work (managing the “SOFFS”, for example).  A sex worker has to shore up her arsenal of feminist logic, explain “abolitionist feminism,” I’m sure, too, be on guard on guard on guard.  It sounds mostly exhausting.  I wish sex work were different here, safer, regulated like all the other work we get paid to do. Maybe a little easier.

What’s the difference between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy?  At this point, a few laws and a judgement or two.

Anyway, I admit to skimming parts of the post simply because the paragraphs were too large and I needed more time and space to process.  That’s not a knock against the writer as much as it’s an admission to my own mental deficiencies.  But I liked her tying in Don Draper, his personal shame and anger, into people’s projections onto sex workers (dirty whores!).

It was thought provoking and made me feel a little bit smarter.  I’m not all that interested in all the politics, per se, but I am interested in the message: sex positivity, sex worker’s rights, a light shone on our own cultural shortcomings, and misogyny in general.

Plus, a anytime Don Draper is used as an example, I’m hooked.  Looks like N. and I have another thing in common!



I found Two More Dissolutes! – April edition

The first Monday of each month, N. Likes of My Dissolute Life and I will be highlighting two other bloggers whom we find to be  share-worthy/intriguing/awesome/funny/controversial/fill-in-the-blank.  We share our picks with one another and then give our two cents, so our readers get two takes on two new writers.

This month, I couldn’t resist a blogger that hardly needs my help (I already have her in my sidebar), but whom I so greatly respect I felt compelled to share her more officially with you all, and N., well, he found a doozy of a writer that I think will make everyone stroke their chin a little – and no, that’s not a euphemism.

Two More Dissolutes

N’s pick:

The Amsterdam Diaries

N’s thoughts:

I’m interested in reading men write about sex. Oddly, I’ve found precious little of it on the internet, and most of what I’ve found that’s been interesting to me has been by men who have sex with men (for example, I’m a big fan of this blog). Thanks to L, I recently discovered this series of accounts by a British man of his adventures with the women who work in Amsterdam’s Red Light District. I’m not linking to a specific post, but rather, to the whole blog. It’s fascinating to me.

Mostly, I have to say, because it is so unappealing to me. The model of prostitution – and of sex with prostitutes – documented by this man seems holds no appeal for me. He comes across as unsentimental, something of a tender sociopath. He’s not a sadist, he’s not cruel, but the women he describes hardly come across as anything other than the possessors of holes – holes which, for fifty euros he can do various things with/to. I’m not really sure what to do with his writing. He writes well, he recounts his sexual encounters, but the unapologetically transactional nature of everything about which he writes is singularly off-putting to me. The blog ends up being compelling at the same time that it’s neither hot nor particularly thoughtful or thought-provoking.

I found myself wondering (in a bit of terror) as I read, “Is this how I sound? Am I this oblivious, indifferent, to the women I have sex with?” I sure hope not. I like women. I really like the women I have sex with. Not just because they have sex with me, because they “let” me finger them, or fuck them. But because they conspire with me to invent a super-hot reality that gets us both off.

But if you want to get a comprehensive, if highly specific, take on the Amsterdam red light district, this is a great place to do it.

Hy’s thoughts:

Man… I don’t even know what to say.  I am totally turned off by this writing and only mildly interested from a psychological stand point, like, what the fuck?  His writing is unapologetic, not at all introspective, and his callousness towards the act of sex is basically uninteresting to me.  But, apparently he has an audience.
My feelings about the blog are also unrelated to prostitution.  I’m generally ambivalent about the whole thing (prostitution, I mean) and so long as everyone consents, I really don’t give a fuck.  My hopes for it are for the sex workers’ safety, satisfaction (work-wise, not necessarily sexually, though that’d be awesome, too), and autonomy (whatever that means or looks like to her).

Obviously, I haven’t read the entire blog, but I think it was him writing “Whatever, in the interests of research she will do,” in regards to having sex with a “plump girl” (who also might as well be fat because his preference is strictly for toned women), that made me feel like I was done.  It’s all too manual-like for me.  I prefer to know and feel the human interest in someone’s writing, not just learn about a human’s interest.

If I ever decide to fuck a Dutch prostitute I know whose blog I’ll read, but until then…

N’s postscript:

I don’t disagree with anything Hy says. Except. I think glimpses of unfamiliar worlds, particular those having to do with sex, generally are interesting to me, especially to the extent that they portray those worlds not so much naturalistically as through the eyes and mind of the viewer. This is what I like, what I find compelling about this blog. It exposes me to a world, a way of thinking, I’d otherwise never know.

Hy’s postscript:

And No, N. you do NOT come across as a gentle sadist who is just looking for the next hole.  You come across as a wonderfully horny man who digs the sex with the women.  That dude just sounds like a consumer.

Hy’s pick:

Girl on the Net’s On Extreme Porn Close-ups.

Hy’s thoughts:

I couldn’t have said it better than Carina did herself: it becomes gynecological.  I’ve always figured that I like to see what I might normally see during an encounter, and even though I occasionally fuck chicks, I have never spent much time looking directly up into her vagina.  It’s more of a glance to see the lay of the land and then I get down to business.  Those close up shots in porn make me distinctly uneasy and ruin any kind of “moment” for me.
So there’s that.

But then the comments of this particular post take the whole conversation of porn somewhere entirely else.  Some reader decides to say that all porn is anti-feminist and openly misogynistic.  Girl on the Net responds succinctly and directly, politely.

It’s exactly this about her, her openness and clarity — which allows her to claim disagreement in an intelligent, thoughtful way — that brings me back around again and again.

In general, she also writes about sexy, real, provoking themes and experiences and her honesty is unmistakeable.  She doesn’t write erotica, per se, she writes about sex, sexuality, and herself from a self-deprecating feminist voice that I thoroughly delight in.

I feel smarter after I’ve read her.  Plus, she and I feel similarly about lots of other things, too.

N’s thoughts:

Yup. I agree totally. I love GOtN. She’s in my sidebar, and I read her every post. I remember when she wrote this, and I agreed then. I just re-read the comments and was struck by some of the claptrap that’s been written there.

She is a truly great writer. Unapologetic, smart, funny, iconoclastic. Read her.

I found Two More Dissolutes (March).

N. Likes and I have joined forces to bring to our readers two new (to us) sex writers each month, two new dissolutes, if you will – ha!  The catalyst for this project was a shared sense that our circles were small, that it’s really difficult to find new writers, and whenever a top list of writers gets released, the process for choosing and ranking is often a mystery.

I’ve been so honored over the past two years to make several lists of top sex blogs and they’ve helped me to find new people to read, but they’re often annual and they are often mixed in with review sites or fiction.  Personally, I like the more writer-ly, journal-like blogs and that’s what I’ll be focusing on, N., too.  Our little project here is all about new blood.  Please always refer to my Dissolutes tab or the list down on my sidebar for my all time favorite reads, which I highly, highly recommend.

So, I’ll pick something and he’ll pick something, share our choices with each other and both write a little blurb about it and then post them on our blogs the first Monday of every month.  I’m typically horrible at following through with this kind of stuff, so he has permission to call me out for my lameness if I ever drop the ball and to post without me.

Having said all that, I’m gonna need serious help from all of you seeing as I’m a big, fat lame-o and I am very happy with my current list of writers; it’s like I never leave the house anymore and there’s this whole, giant, gorgeous world outside my door.  Send me your ideas, even your own writing if you want! either in the comments or email.

So, without further ado, here’s our picks!

Two More Dissolutes

Hy’s pick:

The post The Language of Lust (Real Sex in Amsterdam) over at One Woman, One Hundred Dicks.

Hy’s thoughts

I only just discovered this blog, so I don’t know much about Onewoman, but what drew me to her writing and for making her my first pick was how she threaded reflections on cultural differences, her body image insecurities, and her verve for adventure into a single post.

The post reveals a lot about her even though I doubt that was her aim.  She’s candid and raw, perfunctory, yet funny.

It’s long, but she writes with such inertia I couldn’t stop reading.  It’s not erotica, per se, and it’s got grammatical and spelling errors, too, but it’s still a damn good tale and it makes me want to dig around more.  Which, to me, is the mark of good writing.

I’m definitely late to the party, though, since 6,847 (!) have come before me, if her subscription numbers can be believed.

N. Likes’ thoughts

It is long. I was pained by the length. It’s also a tale of fuckery, which I have a predisposition against. But it’s about Holland. And I really like Holland.

And I agree with Hy – it’s a great story. It’s got twists, and turns, and insults, and…. It butts up against a couple of my personal pet peeves (misspellings/typos/grammatical errors, use of cutesie words – the last sentence features the words “poo” and “wee” – not always the hottest for me). The blog is great, though – it has an organizing conceit that makes the whole blog a story, in addition to just being a collection of stories. And, there’s a video featuring the blogger! How many of us are that bold? (I’m not – a commenter just asked for me to show a picture of a hypothetical tattoo that I don’t even have, and I blanched.)

She hasn’t been posting a lot – her last post was in February, but before that, it was November that she last posted. Here’s hoping we can do more than browse through her back-catalog.

N. Likes’ pick:

The post How to Eat My Pussy by The Literary Wench.

N. Likes’ thoughts

This is the kind of post I might write, or hope to write, if I had a pussy.

To be fair, I’ve written posts that are structurally similar, so it’s a bit narcissistic to say, “Hey! Look at this! It’s great! It’s like my blog!”

But…. Hey! Look at this! It’s great! It’s like my blog!”

As a blog reader, I often find myself dissatisfied with most of the sex blogs out there. Writing about who put what where doesn’t do it for me. What interests me is writing that reveals something intensely personal about someone, about the workings of their desire, brain, body. We all are unique, idiosyncratic – not just sexually, but especially sexually. Every time I get an inkling of how someone else’s desire or body works, I feel richer.

Each of us is a story, a story that fascinates me. I like learning others’ stories – especially, but not at all limited to, their sexual stories.

I fought so hard, so long, to get even the beginnings of insight into my own sexual story, desires, make-up. When I get a glimpse into another’s, I am grateful.

Go read Literary Wench, in general, and this post, in particular.

Hy’s thoughts

N. is sooooo right about how it’s something he’d write!  Same style, same clip, same POV in some way.  I think he’s written a post on how to blow him, if I remember correctly.  I’ve sorta heard about The Literary Wench before, but this is the first time I’ve ever read her and I’m so glad that N. Likes has pointed me in her direction.

I can also say that I agree with her 100%.  Spot on, hot, pulsing writing.  I’m going to enjoy peeking through her archives!